Pregnant abroad

[Sunshine142]

Hi there, I'm new to mumsnet, so please forgive lack of abbreviations & long post - I'm learning!

I'm 11 weeks with my 1st baby (delighted!) and living in Belgium. I've found a great independent midwife with a similar approach to the UK (pregnancy care in Belgium is generally more interventionist and consultant-led). They also speak good English (my French is improving but still basic, and my Dutch is non-existent). However, my 1st hospital ultrasound yesterday was a horrible experience (though everything fine with baby :)), but it's making me worry about what's to come!

The Dr. said at 11 weeks he could only do an internal scan. If I'd have known this I would have asked for a female doctor, but it wasn't phrased as a question/choice & I wanted reassurance that everything was ok with the baby so went ahead. Whilst it was lovely to see the baby, it was really undignified (no changing screen/anything to cover yourself/female chaperone & although this is normal here, I felt invisible).

There's a history of a genetic disorder in my family. It's extremely unlikely to affect the baby (as it requires both parents to be carriers) it is serious, so my midwife asked me to tell the Dr in case he could do blood screening. His abrupt response was 'I don't know what this is'...

That was it, 5-10 minutes in, end of appointment. We paid up, left with a picture of the baby and were told its size (41mm). No chance for questions (I've had bad morning sickness & lost weight so wanted to ask about this), maybe it's the language barrier (the appt was in English) but the Dr was abrupt throughout, no positive words, no confirmation / change of due date, no information at all. I was told the baby's too small to do 12wk screening tests and if I want these I need another scan in 1-2wks. No one has explained exactly what the tests are for, so I don't feel able to make an informed choice. All notes & information I've been given is in French or Dutch & google translate is not great for medical stuff so I feel completely out of control. When we left the hospital I was so upset, maybe it's the hormones, and feeling like crap, but I burst into tears in the middle of the street (my poor husband was lovely!).

My midwives are great and I have another appointment with them next week where I will try and ask lots of questions, but the language barrier is a real issue. If I opt for/need a hospital delivery the midwives only deliver at the hospital where I had my scan and after my experience yesterday I'm scared (a sleepless night last night!). I really don't know what to do and didn't get any sleep last night and would really appreciate any advice.

Hello Sunshine,

Poor you! Such an exciting time, but so stressful if you don't get the right support.

I'm living in France where, like Belgium, they tend to have a more interventionist, doctor-led medicalised approach to maternity care. But like you I've found a great midwife team. I don't have a significant language barrier as my French is near-fluent, but there have been times where I've been rather lost in the medical jargon, or the different approach to things (here, for example, they estimate 41 weeks for pregnancy, rather than 40, which messed up my estimated due date!).

Having been through IVF treatment I'm past being awkward at the internal scans, but that doesn't mean every woman feels so comfortable getting her bits out, and I'm surprised the doctor didn't even offer you a screen for undressing or a small sheet to cover yourself. I'm sorry he was abrupt with you, I'm not surprised you burst into tears!

I would suggest a couple of things to make it a little easier for you. Firstly, read up from English sources so you know what to expect and what treatment/tests might be offered to you. This helped me a lot, as I didn't always understand the explanations in French, so coming armed with the info myself I felt more able to make informed decisions. Eg, I was offered a "Trisomé 21" test, and wasn't sure how intrusive it was, but having read up online I understood this was the 12 week scan to check for Downs, so I was happy to do it. I knew from reading up that if the risk was high they would offer me a more intrusive test (which carries the risk of miscarriage), and I didn't want this. So I was able to follow the discussions with the midwife, understand what we were agreeing to. It felt very empowering.

It might also help if you look into the genetic disorder and try to work out what it's called in French. Google translate probably won't be good enough, but if you speak to a bilingual friend, or do some broader searching online you should be able to work out what they call it and what standard screening would usually be done.

Secondly, I'd suggest a good talk with your midwife to set out some of your concerns. You can practice what you want to say in simple, easy to undrstand English (so she will be sure to understand you). And get her advice on issues like the birth options, how to have more midwife-led and less doctor-led care, etc.

Also, I'd just add that a one-off experience shouldn't put you off a hospital. You'll probably never see that doctor again, and he could have just been on an off day (not an excuse, but just to show that he could well be a lot nicer if you saw him another time). Labour is a long way off, so you have plenty of time to look into all your options.

And finally, congratulations! I hope you're able to enjoy the pregnancy, it's such a special time and shouldn't be wrapped up in stress and worry caused by one medical professional.

Hi Rumplestrumpet,

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. I really appreciate it. I will do some research before my next visit to the midwife and go with lots of questions written down.

Also, you're completely right, I shouldn't judge the hospital by one experience. I think some hospitals allow you to visit the maternity ward beforehand, so I will look into this as it might ease my nerves (and as you say, lots of time to sort things like that out yet!). I'm not the most assertive person, and I think the language differences accentuate my timidness, so I probably need to toughen up a bit, research more from home, then ask more questions and be clearer about what I'd like.

Also, I expect I'll get over my prudishness in time...my mum says by the end of it I really won't care, and I expect she's completely right!

I should really consider myself very lucky as the midwives really are genuinely kind, and though I miss the familiarity of the NHS, the medical provision here is very good, I just need to take the time to understand it a bit better, and as you say enjoy being pregnant :)
Thanks again!

I would also look into a local expat community possibly online? Where hopefully you will meet other pregnant mums. I'm in Norway so I can't offer any practical help but I know I found that to be a godsend when I had my first here - just talking about other peoples experiences and working out what is normal for the country your in and what's not (I would like to think your experience with the Dr was not normal!!)

Thank you, that's a great idea. I have already found some expat antenatal classes which I will start going to at 20 weeks, so hopefully those will be helpful.

I've also done a bit more research into what's tested at the 12 week scan and decided to book myself in for this in a week or two (but this time will try out a different hospital with a female dr....), hopefully the baby will be big enough to get all the checks done and it'll put my mind at ease :)