Different birth approaches

[MummyHex]

Hi I am pregnant with my second child. My husband wasn't around for the birth of my first. He is french and I am English. I followed the Gentle Birth Method for my first and it was a wonderful experience. My husband doesn't understand. He is all about intervention. I am feeling massive pressure from him and not much support or respect for my approach. He has had 3 children in a previous marriage and expects me to do everything the same as his first wife. Whenever we discuss it turns into a fight. He is driven By fear and I sympathise but he refuses to see outside his own previous experience. Can anyone recommend a good contemporary book in french which I can ask him to read? I am aware of Leboyer but I feel need more options. I am fed up that I am spending so much energy having to pacify and convince him. He does not and does not want to understand. Any other advice greatly appreciated.

What does he think you should do that you don't want to? I don't know anything about the gentle birth method that you mentioned, sorry.

At the end of the day, it's your body and you can do what you like and he'll have to put up with it!

He is only comfortable with max medical intervention. I was lucky with my first and could have the birth I wanted surrounded by midwives and no docs and no intervention. I hope the second is also trouble free. If it isn't then I will rely on the expertise of an obstetrician. But he can't imagine that my preference is not to be surrounded by doctors with bright lights, my feet in stirrups and someone pushing and pulling at me ready with a ventouse. birth methods are so much an individual choice - for the mother - because we are completely taken over by state of pregnancy and it affects us each in different ways. My best friend had the max intervention available; my sister started off at home with her first but sadly was not attended by a good midwife and ended up being rushed to hospital despite no complications because she lost confidence; her second was completely natural with midwives and I was there for both. My other sister had two C sections. I am not judging. I just know what I would like for me and our new baby. And his mind is totally closed. He does not respect my view or experience. I Don't want to exclude him from the process but I am reaching the stage where I would really prefer him not to be there for the birth. We have time - I am 14 weeks. So if I can give him some french literature on my approach I would like to give him a chance. So sorry to be so long - my first time on a chat site.

Look up French obstetrician Michel Odent - not sure if he's written in French, but he is French! www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/10120649/Meet-the-man-trying-to-change-the-way-women-give-birth-around-the-world.html

French birth is very medicalised I think. He's stuck in his cultural norms and he may not change his mind. To be honest though does it matter? If you Rock up at a midwife led unit you won't get chucked in styrups with loads of doctors unless you need to be! And you just don't have an epidural if you don't want one.
hes being a complete dick for refusing to accept your experience and expertise on the matter.

My DH is French and it's true that the approach is quite different there, even considering giving birth without an epidural is considered pretty barbaric (for the woman!) among all the families we know in Paris. Are you in France or the UK? If you're in the UK you're likely to be left fairly alone anyway assuming you are low risk and having a second baby. Perhaps you could also explain that if you had a straightforward birth with the first you are very likely to have no probs with the second either. If you were hoping for a home birth perhaps you could compromise on a midwife unit? Or alternatively maybe actually agree that he won't be there/won't be your birth partner, I don't think that's unreasonable if it would just stress you both out.

Btw my first birth was straightforward and I just had my second - the labour was very similar except a lot quicker, almost had him on the ante natal ward as a result!

Thank you all for your wise words. We're in Belgium which is very similar to the Fr approach. I have found a midwife lead maternity unit in the middle of a very new hospital very close to us. I think I will take the attitude of like it or lump it. His fears are his prob, not mine and I frankly don't see why I have to deal with them. In the meantime I will refer him to Odent as well. If he doesn't want to understand where I am coming from then I'll just go ahead as I think best. It's not quite the joint complicitous experience I had hoped for... Am I the only one with such a bloody minded other half? I thought the blokes job is just to follow and support the pregnant other half!!