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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Terrified of telling parents

7 replies

Thesush · 28/02/2015 22:04

Okay so 14 weeks preggers aged 32 and tomorrow me and my fella are going to tell my parents. My parents are indian and although not 100% strict they worry about people think .

You know the saying "keeping up ?ith the Joneses" well they don't ever hang out with the Jonses but they sure as hell worry about the Jonses.

I live with my fiancé at his parents house and don't have the best paid jobs and my parents are always on at me about saving and getting a better job etc...also my fiancé have decided to hold off getting married for a few years and focus on raising our little one in a loving relationship. My folks are going to definetly not like the fact I am not getting married.

In sep I had a missed misscariage but we told my mum before we found this out and she was so dramatic almost fainting and having to lay down on the sofa, she said nothing for 10 min and then because she was in such a strange way we confided in my little sister who is 22 in hope that mum had someone to talk to when we left. But sister had the worst reaction ever she started to lecture my partner for not doing things in the "right order". She made a great amazing thing seem so awful and this influenced my mum a little at the time. I never told my dad when I told my mum that time as he was recovering from a recent heart attack. Mum then called me after we told her saying we should get married and she would pay for me to go Vegas and the ring (typical over dramatic indian mother) but I said no as I didn't want to do that just because I was with child. mum suggested she would play dumb and we tell her and dad together by taking them for a meal, that never happend as I found at the scan for that pregnancy I had a missed miscarriage. Mum called me after op and said she was worried about me and although she probably didn't mean it her final sentence to me was "ah well next time you can do things in the right order"... Now cut to dec 2014 my partner proposes to me I happily accept but we are in no rush to get married. Parents panic and get over excited about a wedding then Christmas Day I find out I am pregnant. Now 14 weeks and tomorrow we are telling them over a meal at 7pm. Hope I come out alive!

Any one been in the same or similar situation? Any advice before I become public enemy number 1? So scared and anxious. My fiances parents took it well and are relaxed and chilled. I don't even know what to say tomorrow I know my mum is gonna gpeyeball me across the table or something.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
CultureSucksDownWords · 01/03/2015 01:49

I don't have similar parents so have not been in this situation, but I would just try the broken record approach. Decide what you're going to say in response to their most likely comments and just repeat them. E.g in response to suggestions that you need to get married you could reply "we're happy as we are thanks". I would also suggest telling them after the meal, relatively near to when you need to leave so you don't have to spend hours fielding the same comments.

And you're 32! A grown woman - remember that you are not doing anything wrong or u towards, just living your life like many people do. How they could not be happy at having a new grandchild is beyond me.

4hayters · 01/03/2015 09:02

Hello, firstly congratulations! I'm not in the same situation as you, but my partners mother is very over dramatic! I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant with our 4th baby and really happy.
My partner went over one evening and told them, his mum started on her usual "oh how will you cope, what about money, how awful etc etc". My partner just said that we are both happy and if she wasn't that was fine but we didn't want to hear it. He also said that we are happy not too speak about the pregnancy to her but didn't want any negativity! She back tracked immediately and said she didn't mean it and she was sorry. If course it was a lovely thing and wished us well.
Not sure if this will work for you, but if you can, stand firm and let them know how happy you are. You would really like them to be happy too as it is their grandchild, and although you are engaged, getting married isn't top of your list at the moment. Good luck x

aneesa28 · 01/03/2015 09:20

It's not their choice, only you can live your life. Something that I point out to people I know entering into an arranged marriage is that your parents won't be in your shoes when (if) you encounter hurdles in your relationship, and they won't live your problems for you - and for that reason lifelong decisions should be made with some degree of selfishness.

Regardless of what you do, the fact remains that nobody can choose their family and your parents will (with time) reconcile themselves with your decisions, whether or not they agree or approve.

Babies are irresistible and from personal experience, can on ocassion bring estranged families together again. I hope that this pregnancy goes smoothly for you and good luck!

aneesa28 · 01/03/2015 09:33

4hayers I heard the "how awful" line from my grandma when I decided to share the good news with her at around 16w, and my jaw dropped. I didn't react outwardly, just smiled at her and then told my mum about her comment when we were all together at my parents' house a few days later, to which my grandma completely changed her tune and said of course she was happy for me. Hmm

aneesa28 · 01/03/2015 09:35

4hayters (sorry!)

Thesush · 01/03/2015 22:36

JuSt wanted thank everyone for their helpful advice much appreciated. It went surprisingly well I think the whole marriage thing might be a slight issue but I am standing my ground x

OP posts:
PippaB007 · 02/03/2015 09:17

Never underestimate parents' desire to become grandparents! A lot has been forgiven in the process!

Wink ... (voice of experience)

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