Feeling a bit... lonely

[pepperfish]

I've been sat in bed watching our DC1 kicking away in my belly this evening (just this past week you can really see her going for it!). I feel her all the time and can't help but marvel that there's a little person in there each time she kicks me hard.

I just have this little sad feeling that DH doesn't (at least outwardly) seem to share my wonder and awe.

He will only touch my belly if I tell him/place his hand there. He seems 'awkward' around the bump and doesn't really ever talk about her without prompting from me.

The first time he felt her kick, he just said 'oh yeah, I felt it that time' and then carried on reading his book.

Just now I called him upstairs because she was dancing around like mad. He stood there, at the doorway, for all of 15 seconds, to be honest looking a bit annoyed that I'd distracted him from the TV. I said 'just wait, she'll do it again in a minute or two' and he just said 'oh well, I'll see it again at some point' and then off he went to watch his programme again.

Just feeling a bit deflated and sad. I feel like he is missing out and I'm trying to involve him without pushing it too much but he just doesn't seem that interested. Sometimes I wonder if the bump freaks him out a bit or something.

I do think it'll change when she arrives but I wish he'd share my excitement now.

Has anyone else had this with their OH?

Yes, perfectly normal in my experience. Not that it makes it any easier. With my DC1, it was dh's dc2 (has an older son with ex-wife) and he was a bit blase at times.

You have to remember it's difficult for the partner to get as excited as you, as it's not their body going through all the changes or feeling the kicks and hiccups.

Do you have any female friends who are excited for you, or better, pregnant too?

My oh is a bit freaked out by my bump aswell I wouldn't worry about it. Once baby is here he'll change completely I promise

I think it's totally normal.

It's a really odd concept when it's not your body and it also feels so odd for you physically it's going to have more impact on you.

Some people are very squeamish about pregnancy or simply find the concept difficult until there's an actual baby.

Really understand it must be hurtful, especially when you are all excited and hormonal but I really wouldn't take it personally.

Maybe tell a bit off a fib next time the baby is active and try and link it to when your DP is talking?! It might make him feel a bit more special and connected?

Thank you all :-)

I keep trying to remind myself of everything you've just said. It must be hard for him - I just wish he would be a bit more thoughtful. To be fair to him, he's read every book he's been given and is working hard to have the house and bedroom ready for her arrival. He's doing all the 'practical' things, for sure.

I'm definitely feeling a bit woe is me this week, SPD is causing problems and lack of sleep is making everything seem worse.

Do I mention it to him? Or just accept it's a man thing and let it go?

As the others have said I think this is very common. My H had shown very little interest in my bump and its' movements in either pregnancy. My DS is fascinated though and will sit with his hand on the bump for ages. He's really connected with his brother.
My H was quite crap when DS was a newborn too as all he wanted to do was lay on me and feed but is a great dad now.
Try not to take it too personally.

My DH wasn't very interested in a bump, but he is the best dad one can imagine (I changed the nappy for the first time when DS was 12 days!), now my DS is 2, and they are very close. I think men just don't feel the same about the bump - probably because it's not their body.

Btw, my DH also focused on practical stuff - getting house ready, shopping, etc. So yours seem quite similar :) If you can manage, I would let it go... Try to focus on how special it is for you and only you can experience it!

I wouldn't let it bother you too much... My DH is similar but I really do think it's a lot different for us because we're feeling every wriggle from the inside. My hubby is really excited about us having this baby and being really practical... In fact we'll be moving house about a month after the birth and he is pretty much single handedly packing the house up! (I've got 2 weeks to go!)
But everytime I mention the baby kicking it stops! And when he has caught it he's been, oh yes that's nice! Heheh

just wanted to say mines the same. its not a nice feeling but it appears to be the norm. i struggle to get a conversation out of him about labour (as in what sort of involvement he wants, like cutting the cord etc) and once the baby is actually here too. I've set up a group WhatsApp conversation with all my close family members in it so I can share the exciting stuff there. they are all really excited so that helps

He might just be jealous!! With our firstborn DH didn't seem interested in bump and didn't like touching it. He got really cold. He admitted later he'd felt leftout because I talked about the baby all the time!! He said I'd became 'distant' and lost interest in him! And he admitted he'd always thought of my body as 'his' until it was claimed by DS!! he felt he was losing me to someone else. Lol
Try spending more time with him but talk less about pregnancy/baby. Go on dates, days out, be romantic. Show interest in things you used to enjoy as a couple, focus on him, give him extra attention and love. Have days when you don't mention the pregnancy at all. Some men just find pregnancy overwhelming or scary or off-putting, it will be different once your baby's born. With our 2nd DH was much better!!

My DH has been the most supportive and doting man throughout this pregnancy but he is a bit freaked out by the bump movements too! Really, it's a very weird thing when you think about it. It's a human being inside your body! We get oddly used to it with carrying them, but they don't.

He's much more comfy playing music to the bump and sometimes feeling the reaction or me telling him. Maybe try that? I wouldn't worry at all about it though. Its weird in general but weirder for them.

My OH doesn't touch my belly or really talk about the babies much in my vd card he wrote he can't wait to be a Dad and start our new life together. Which was nice as generally he doesn't show it, with me receiving clc through pregnancy I get a lot of scans and appts- he has only made one scan appt and sometimes forgets when appts are and I have to say "I went to hospital today" he says he'll help with the shopping and all the practical stuff but says he doubts he'll be very good at the birth or when they're tiny babies. Which is sad. He's a wonderful OH but I too, sometimes feel lonely.