Can anyone help me with this , please....

[Quackers]

I have finally become aware of a problem that has risen it's ugly head. I am desperately sad and in all honesty feel down, low, depressed most of the time. I did not have this with my DD whatsoever, I was on a high give or take the odd hormonal moment. I cry at least 4 or 5 times a day and this has worsened in the last 2 or 3 weeks. I am angry, impatient, sleepless at night and don't feel like making an effort to do anything. I thought aquanatal today might lift me a little but by the time I got home, I was weepy again and feel so sad and down. I feel like slapping myself and saying be thanful to have what you have. I lost 2 babies last year and do feel so lucky to be having this baby, but I am in a real pit and don;t know how to get out out. Can anyone suggest anything or give experiences of this in pgcy. I thought this only happened afterwards, not during the most wonderful time in life.

Quackers - I wonder whether this is a bit of a delayed response to everything you;ve been through lately. You know after all the trying and thinking you might lose it, not quite believing you will hang onto this one! Maybe once things start looking more positive on this pregnancy, it suddenly feels safe to let all the bad feelings out.

I had a molar pregnancy about 2 years ago. Basically there isn;t any baby but your body goes mad producing excess placental matter and your HGC levels go sky high. I had the pregancy terminted at about 10 weeks, then because the tumourous matter can regrow anywhere in teh body, I was monitored for 2 years for any precancerous indications. All through this period things were ok. I was quite matter of fact about losing the pregancy, made more odd because there was never any baby to mourn.

However, lately because I'm now in the clear healthwise I've hit a bit of a brick wall and have felt irritable, massively down etc. I think in my case it is just delayed reaction.

I do lurk on the TTC boards, because up to now I have not been able to get pregnant (not allowed while you are being monitored), so I do know how much support you have given to others. You are a very caring special person and I hope that you realise that many people owe, at least in part, their little bundles of joy to you

I hope you get through this - you so richly deserve to enjoy this special time

Quackers - big hugs to you. No personal experience in pregnancy but I know how it feels to feel down when you think you shouldn't be iykwim. I got really down after my DS was born and got really cross with myself for feeling like that.
It's really tough - how long have you felt like this? Is your GP sympathetic - if so perhaps you could go and tell them how you are feeling. I did read an article on this when I was pregnant and I don't think it is that unusual and there are things that can help. How about pregnancy yoga - it might help you to relax and the breathing exercises are so boring they could help you slep? do you have help with DD? - maybe you could do with a break and some time to yourself. Sometimes when you just get really really tired you go into a decline that you cant get out of because the tireder you are the worse you sleep etc.

I hope you feel better soon - I think your GP or midwife could help you. How many weeks are you?

Quackers - so sorry you are feeling like this just now. It really isn't unusual and I agree it may well be delayed from your previous losses. Have you a supportive midwife you can talk too? Or GP? The problem is you are feeling guilty for feeling so down, thinking that you have no right to be so low. Well you do, you have been through a lot and now the time is approaching where your life is going to change again. It might be a good idea even to speak to a counsellor if you find that your mood doesn't lift soon. We refer women to counsellors when there are issues that need discussed. Sounds as though you may need to just have a sympathetic ear to discuss it all through with. Hope you feel better soon.

Hi, Quacks, sorry you're down, you say it has worsened in the last couple of wks, do you think it could be from when you finished work? I know it was a relief to finish, but you must have more time on your hands now, so more time to worry and think, plus I would have thought more time with DD which is great, but probably quite waring.
I am much more teary at the moment, and get more wound up by everything, and I can remember last time this was the same. I find I am irrational about a lot that I would usually brush to one side.
Your hormones change when you are pregnant, just as they do after pregnancy, so I think it is understandable that you are weepy. But, if you feel that it is more than this, speak to gp or mw, as it is important.
Can DH have DD tomorrow, so you get a chance to have some time to yourself? Visit a friend as this always helps me. Or spend the day on here!!!!
Big hugs to you, Quacks, you have tonnes of support from us all, keep posting.xxxxx

Quackers, so sorry you are feeling down. As Soapbox says and I have mentioned before, you are always so supportive of everyone else on here, so hopefully we can help you out now. All I can say is that it can take a lot longer than you expect to get over traumatic times like having a m/c and the bad feelings used to hit me again after I had thought I was feeling better. So try not to feel guilty, you really can't help your feelings. Can I second mears' suggestion about seeing a counsellor. I have seen a counsellor for cognitive behavioural therapy and I have found it very useful so far. Do try and speak to your GP or midwife - I am sure they will have seen other people who are struggling with similar feelings and they will know how to help you.

HTH and that you feel better soon. Keep posting.

BIG HUG - I know how you're feeling but try to think of it as a greiving process that really helped me I think when i was pg after mc I felt guilty about the other ones but once I had greived for them I felt better you also haev to be v kind to yourself as your hormones ar likely to be all ove rth place ,must dash dd is calling me Hope this helps X

I can't stop crying. I'm so down. I can't even talk to DH now, we've fallen out yet again, because I;m so sad and miserable all the time. We're supposed to be going for a short break to Centre Parcs on Monday, but I'm dreading it cos I know I'll feel so low all the time. I'm so grateful for all of your comments. I am so very touched by them, but feel abit pathetic. Wish it would go away. Do you really think it could be related to the losses? I thought I'd got over them more since getting pg again. I have had more time on hands Littlerach, you're right, but have been trying to cram in things at home that need doing and that's not good either. I'm not great with change and have noticed I'm not wanting to answer the phone and complain if the door goes and it;s a friend/neighbour. Don;t feel like speaking really to anyone. Except on here of course, there's always someone with such wise words and feeling like this is not what I expected to be feeling right now. Hope this will go away, feel so tired from crying and struggle to make an effort with DD.

I think you are feeling v down and are feeling guilty because you are not feeling how you think you should and are not being superwoman at the mo. Jsut take it hour to hour or half hour to half hour and try not to pressurise yourself too much into over doing it. Will try to get back on later keep well

Quackers - I am sooo sorry that you feel like this. It does appear that what you are feeling is because of losing your two previous babies. I've been through a similar time myself. I'm not always very good at explaining myself but I'll give it a go! Be prepared for lots of waffle!

I lost my first at 24 weeks in December 2002. Although this was obviously awful, , he was born with alot wrong with him and without going into specifics, he went into such a decline after two days that it was kinder to let him go. We had never cried so much - it was awful, but knowing what we did was ultimatly right - helped.

I was lucky and got pregnant again quickly but once again after having a textbook pregnancy, I lost her at 26 weeks in August 2003. No apparent cause but this time and she was fine. It took awhile for me to grieve properly - I think I kind of shutdown. I tried not to think about it for awhile but one day I kinda lost the plot and cried and cried and cried but boy did I feel better and things were easier.

I now have two memory boxes crammed with mementos. Hospital stuff, pics and everything. I have two georgous photo frames with a lovely picture of them each and I have put them in a position where I see them everyday (if u know wot I mean).

Again I got pregnant within 2 months. Perhaps I should have waited I don't know. Anyway I am now 28+5 and I think especially about my last all the time. I recently spent 4 weeks in hospital (24-28 wks) and at first I felt quite down and tearful as I couldn't get my last out of my mind (I was also quite short with my DH). Like you I kept thinking be thankful you have got this far as should something happen (touch wood) the chances of my baby surviving are strong.

I've bought this simple wooden frame With space for 3 pictures, the bigger of the picture being in the middle. I have every intention of putting a pic of this baby and the others either side and proudly displaying it. I tell people this is my third and my DD in waiting will know she had a brother and sister. I used to say yes to people who asked me with my current pregnancy 'Is this your first?' I don't anymore as in my mind it isn't.

Quackers - you have been a source of inspiration to many. Be strong and hang in there and for one second do not feel guilty about what you are feeling. Your baby will have wonderful mother and father and older DD

P.S. Apologies for going on!

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Quackers, you are not pathetic, honestly. You are just down at the moment. Admitting to these feelings on here is the first step towards you getting better. It sounds as though your dh doesn't really appreciate how bad you are feeling. Perhaps you could show him this thread to see if it will help him understand, then he may be able to support you more.

Have you looked at Rhubarb's site? Sorry I can't remember the address at the moment, I will try and come on later to see if I can find it.

Love jellycat xx

Quacks - I'm sitting here in tears myself. You - YOU have been such a source of support to myself and countless others on the boards we know well. Always managing a positive word or question and just knowing what to post to those who need it. I don't think you ever get over a miscarriage - I know I won't. You move on, but never get over them. Dates will always be difficult, due dates and dates when it all went wrong. And that's not a bad thing or a weak thing. Isn't this about the time last year when you had a miscarriage? or around now? Just think of all those feelings of sadness and guilt and sorrow - they are bound to resurface every now and then, and we just have to find a way to manage them and then tuck them away. Of course you shouldn't have any guilt - without getting into heavies, those little ones were just not ready for our world - Think of the joy and happiness this little one today is going to bring to you and your family - and that is such a lot to look forward to. Do you have anyone to talk to nearby? Someone who will just listen to all that you've got to say inside?
I'm thinking of you and wishing your blues away - we are allowed to feel this way and I do hope it passes for you very very soon.
hana
xx

Thankyou, for taking the trouble to write your thoughts down for me. You are all such a comfort and I'm truly touched by your comments.
Norfolk, I am saddened deeply for your losses and although I knew about your losses, seeing it all typed out and in a bit more detail just really choked me. To think you're so kind as to type all that for me, is much appreciated.
Gothicmama, I haven't known you long but thankyou for being there too, I know it;s a tough bit for you too.
Jelly, DH tbh has been great and I think he;s just at the end of his tether now. I caused a row this am and he called from work to make sure I was ok and picked me flowers from the garden the other day. (he adores his garden, so that was an honour!), he;s very tolerent but I just pushed too far and it;s going on a bit too long. He's used to me being happy and upbeat. Hopefully he'll come to bed and give me a hug.
I know I'm not alone and many mumsnetters have down bits in pgcy and at other times too. I do remember Rhubarbs site, I'll have a look in the am. Don;t want to feel like a sado case and complain, I honestly don;t complain much in life. Must be hormonal and maybe the losses have added to this or started it off.
Hana, you;re a love too. Always so kind with your words. I don;t really have anyone around at the mo to talk to. I have got an appointment with my good GP a week on Tues. If no improvement by then, I'll talk to her as fortunately she is fab.
Will post again tommorow, can hardly keep my eyes open. Thanks again to you all my good friends. xx

Quackers just hang in there it will all be alright in the end keep faith in yourself I can not think of the right words for you but Iam sending positive vibes to you

Quacks, I have just read your post. I am so sorry you are feeling down at the moment. Everyone has given you such good advice and if I were in your shoes I would follow up Mears' suggestion to talk to someone. You have every right to feel upset and emotional right now, you have been through so much, physically, hormonally as well as emotionally, of course it is going to take it's toll. Please dont add to your worries by feeling guilty about it, of course you are grateful to be where you are, expecting another baby but the emotional turmoil doesnt just dissipate. Perhaps a few days away will be good for you, new surroundings and your dh to look after you might give you the little lift you need to start climbing out of this hole.

Email me if you want to chat, I am around all weekend.

Love Pxxx

Rhubarb's site is here , quacks. Glad to hear dh is being supportive, he sounds like a sweetie.

Quackers - so sorry you are feeling like this.
I don't have anything to add to what has already been said but will be thinking of you.

How are you today Quacks?

Thankyou so much all of you. Bunny, much appreciated your offer.xx I'm hoping to keep busy. I felt the same today, like the last couple of weeks, but am trying really hard. DH wanted to talk about it all this am and was a bit put out I'd come to Mumsnet first for support. But was glad I have Mumsnet. The sun has come out so we're going for a walk, then DD has a party. We're hoping the break next week will do us good, but you know what it;s like when you put pressure on yourselves for this to happen, so we'll see.
Do you know though, sometimes I don;t know what to say to people when they have a problem and sometimes you just want to send hugs. But all of you have put in so much to your messages and I'm really grateful. Went to bed crying last night thinking, despite everyone having their own problems, they still take the time to think of me. I'm really grateful. Will post again a bit later!
BTW, Soapbox, wanted to wish you well for the forthcoming months following your molar pgcy. I hope you;ll be in a position to try again soon and there will be loads of support on mnet for you. xx

Enjoy your walk, Quacks, make sure you have some time out later to do wharever you like.
I was very down after I had DD, not sure if it was PND, although HV seemed to think it was. I found that I needed to slow down and not expect to be perfect, and to do whatever I needed to in order to feel normal again.
Try to have a proper break at Centerparcs, you don't need to actually do anything whilst you are there, let DH and DD go out and do stuff whilst you take it easy.
Let us know how you are later, big hugs XXX

Things will look better soon I am sure Quacks, until then you are doing the right thing by spending lots of time with your nearest and dearest. Have a good break, you deserve it. BunnyXXX

hugs quackers
everyone else has said everything really but I just wanted to let you know that I still remember your support when I had problems at the beginning of my pregnancy and how pleased I was for you to hear you were pregnant - not long to go now is there? put your feet up and try to take things easy - thinking of you

Hey you, just seen your thread. Really sorry to learn that you are so sad at the moment. Please don't put pressure on yourself to appreciate this "most wonderful experience", I know you must feel like you don't have "a right" to feel down but you have every right to feel like that, as mears said you suffered two losses, and I know how hard that was for you. Also, don't hide from the july thread and think we all expect you to be full of the joys of spring the whole time, counting down the weeks and swapping pregnancy jokes and anecdotes. When i had PND after DS the thing that made it worse was hiding how I was feeling from everyone else, as I thought how could I possibly be feeling like thiss when I have a beautiful healthy son, how can this be happening? also, don't lose sight of what Twiglett said re the hormones- remember you are pregant. is there an internet cafe at oasis?

Quackers, I've just seen this thread. I know what it's like to get pregnant after a loss and not be able to manage my feelings of sadness over the baby who died. I didn't start bereavement counselling until I realised I was unexpectedly pregnant again. I found speaking to someone really did help, as others have already said.
I'm going to be honest and say I was very up and down all the way through my pregnancy. But I was fine once dd was born.
Sending you lots of sympathy and love. It is NORMAL to feel like this after previous pregnancies have ended with a loss, honestly.

Morning, my friends. Thanks Marina, good to hear from you, I'm glad you are fine and things got better after the birth. MG, hi, I think there is internet if needed for emergencies! Morocco, nice to hear from you too, I do hope you;re well. Well, I had an awful day yesterday. It seemed to get worse and worse. Made poor DD feel terrible and DH just couldn;t understand why but was trying. Then about 5pm, we went and sat in the garden and we chatted and the sun was out. I felt good for the rest of the evening. Then this morning, I woke up and the weirdest feeling of the huge black could had sort of lifted. It;s a stragne thing to describe, but insted of getting up and crying or being angry or picking at things, I got up and smiled. I don;t know why and don;t know if it will last but I honestly feel a whole lot brighter today. First time in about 2 weeks! So, we'll see today goes. I am so grateful for all these comforting messages and am going to print off this thread to take with me tommorow and to remind me of what you have all said. Will post later hopefully and still be feeling like this. xxxxxxx