Falling apart

[peachy2410]

After 3 years of being told I can't have kids, I'm pregnant, not planned and the doctors are amazed. And to be honest I just can't cope. I'm so exhausted, I feel sick ALL the time but only sick sometimes. My partner just thinks I'm being childish and just need to get on with it- I'm pregnant not ill. My life's a mess anyway. I've wanted a baby forever but the timing cudnt be worse but this could be my only chance. This is not how I thought things would be like and I just don't know what to do :(

Have a hug ....and breathe. The first trimester can be horrible: not only are you reeling from finding out your pregnant (I was IVF so like you didn't think this would ever happen), your body starts doing strange things that are completely out of your control, and your mind automatically starts jumping ahead thinking of everything and anything to do with the baby/pregnancy. The most important thing to focus on right now is you want this baby. Your partner isn't being helpful as he has as much experience with you being pregnant as you do so in the same way you're finding this pregnancy nothing like you imagined it would be, he is finding it isn't like he thought it would be either. I didn't start to enjoy this pregnancy until I had a proper bump at around 16-18 weeks and couldn't believe this was really happening until after 24 weeks. As for the timing being rubbish, babies seem to have a habit of arriving when life isn't perfect but you will cope. You have nine months to get your life ready for a baby and a lot can change in that time (think we're you were nine months ago and look at you now). My husband had just accepted a job two hours drive away from home and we were looking at moving when I found out and although we are now faced with moving our entire lives when I am nearly 32 weeks which isn't ideal timing, in the long run it will be the best thing for us.
Take one day at a time, be kind to yourself and sleep if you need to, try to switch your thinking to "I am feeling like this because I'm pregnant and I never knew it would feel like this but it's exciting" rather than "I can't cope with feeling like this. It wasn't meant to feel like this". And above all don't forget, this is a wanted and loved baby and it does get easier-not always perfect and you'll see a lot of people on here telling you they're still waiting for the 'glow', but it does become more a normal part of your life.

Not sure whether I've explained myself properly but keep talking on here because there's lots of people who know how you feel. And maybe calmly tell your partner that his comments aren't helping, this is the way you are feeling and the way your body is reacting to pregnancy hormones, and if he can't say anything helpful could he please just keep quiet.

Xx

Oh and CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Oh you poor thing. I've wanted a baby for ages and similarly now I'm pregnant I feel horrendous and it's an odd conflicted feeling. I have to keep reminding myself how much I want a baby! I'm sorry the timing is bad for you but people with children are always telling me there really is no good timing and you just find a way to make things work - I'm really counting on that. It seems to me what you need to do is sit your partner down and tell him you're struggling and need his support. Direct him to some reading about morning sickness so he's better informed. There's no excuse for not being supportive. I'm very fortunate that my OH is wonderfully patient and is looking after me, but several people around me including my mum and sister have been less than helpful becaue they think I'm being dramatic and they "have never heard of anyone with MS this bad" which I have found devastating as i've never been so ill in my life and have been signed off work for a month, and need moral support as it's a very isolating condition. Do not despair. The sickness is meant to pass and it should get easier. Just keep your eye on the prize :) good luck xxx

I had bad nausea & sickness until around 20 weeks. My advice is to rest & sleep as much as possible. It was hard for my husband to understand what was going on at times & I'm just realising now at almost 30 weeks I really do need to slow down as its only me that ends up feeling crap. Congrats, it does get better & even if your sick etc all way through there is an end date!

Congratulations! I can totally sympathise with you hearing the "get on with it" attitude from your partner. Mine was similar and I think he struggled realising stuff was going on even though he couldn't see it. He got much better and yours will too. Please don't worry. I felt naff for ages but am much better now. Big hugs!

It must have been a shock to you. Is there a early pregnancy class you can attend with your DP. I did one on the NHS when pregnant with my first. Even though it is wanted (assuming it is mutual for both of you), you simply aren't prepared. So take a deep breath and try to learn as much about pregnancy, birth and beyond as you could. Most of us have had months preparing for that bfp.

It is nornal to be sick all the time. In fact I felt really really rubbish for the entire first trimester. I can barely eat, I collapsed every night in bed right after dinner. DH had to cook dinner, do the dishes, and laundry every night. It got better in the second trimester in that I felt more human. But it's still not the same as not pregnant. Then third trimester is very bad again. I needed the loo all the time, up many hours every night, and couldn't get comfortable at all.

Hang in there. It's only 9 months. You know you want the baby if you have new trying for 3 years.

I have a very similar story, bad timing, complicated life, I've heard the "you're pregnant not ill" line more than once, constant nausea (I'm 28+5) and sometimes just wish I could actually be sick and be done with it (although I know it will continue). I started telling people after 16 weeks and when asked how DH feels about it I would just well up and smile it off. The only word I could think of to explain how I felt was "overwhelmed", I couldn't decide whether to be elated or not (because of personal circumstances). He has been active since 16 weeks and it feels very real but I think it was when I finally allowed myself to buy a few things for baby at 25 weeks, I started to embrace the idea with more enthusiasm. There are so many variables to think about, the decision to just get on with it and not to mull over the implications is probably best for my sanity.

It must be so overwhelming for you, the early weeks can be bloody horrible, I'm now 38 weeks pregnant, she was planned and very much wanted however when I was going through the stage you're at I had so many thoughts about how I wouldn't be gutted if my period started and there was no way I'd go through it again.
The nausea is so debilitating and unless you've experienced it then you can't possibly understand.
It's a huge shock to the system from thinking you can't have them and wanting them so much (dd1 took 3 years to conceive), you have so many romantic ideas of pregnancy and the reality is so different.

However it does pass, the majority of people will be over the worst by 14 weeks or so then there's a few months of not feeling pregnant until the end when the size makes you uncomfortable but even then it's nowhere near as bad as the first tri.

If you're considering not continuing with the pregnancy your gp can put you in touch with independent counsellors who can talk to you about all your options without judgement.

In the meantime be kind to yourself, rest when you can and tick each day off as another one done.x

Gosh I'm really overwhelmed by everyone's responses, thank u :) it's the first time I've ever posted anything like this. Nice to know I'm not the only one who's found it a bit difficult to get my head round. Thanks everyone, nice not to feel alone for a bit xx

I've been in the unfortunate position of having hyperemesis when I was pregnant, and later on, having cancer. I can tell you now that having chemotherapy was EASIER to deal with than my pregnancy sickness. People were sympathetic, I had something visibly wrong with me (no hair) and... and... I had a good few days in between chemo cycles where I felt fine!

You don't get to switch off, or have a break when you're pregnant and feeling rubbish. But, saying that, all phases are just that. They will pass.

I posted a message like this a few days ago. Nearly 17 weeks and feeling grim and overwhelmed due to bad timing.
I have just had a lovely day with ds which is quite rare as I find him so tiring at the moment. It reminded me how much I will love this baby. Hang in there.... It will get a little better I hope and to anyone who says things like I thought you would be over the tiredness and sickness by now reply Every pregnancy is different!