First timers-has pregnancy been what you expected?

[ChickenMe]

Hi!
I'm in the third trimester of my first pregnancy. I'm finding it a bit of a learning curve and the baby is not even here yet!
What have you found surprising about being pregnant? Things no one tells you about? How have you changed?

For me:

1. I did not anticipate the exhaustion and extreme hormones. I would never have believed it.
2. I have already become a lot more assertive. I care a lot less about upsetting people.
3. Pregnancy can put a strain on your relationships and also, people around you change too.

Really interested to hear what other people think as all of my friends had their babies some years ago and cannot really remember pregnancy too well!

Also I have had no pregnancy glow!!! Gutted.

I totally believe she's here for a reason. There's no way DP would be coping with his dads death if he didn't have his little girl. She's keeping all of us going and she doesn't even know it

Good question!
I'm currently 30+2.

I never thought I would be one of those soppy people that are really protective of their bump. But once you have a bump you guard it with your life!

I thought 40 weeks would go really slow. In fact I can't believe how quick the time has gone by so far, I only have less than 10 weeks to go!

I thought I'd be one of them people that soldiers on and works up until the last minute before going on maternity leave. My job involves a lot of walking around and barely sitting so actually I've realised I need to think about me and baby because I get really achey and tired at work. So it's led me to have a date for a slightly earlier maternity leave.

I was always one of them people that said, "I can't believe people actually find out the gender and give the baby a name before they're even here!". As soon as I was in that position I was exactly the same! Although I'm still stuck on names

The sickness and fatigue was a lot worse than I thought it would be, and I ended up having it right up until around 16/17 weeks. So the first trimester and half of the second, I didn't eat as much as I probably should of as I could stomach barely anything! I'm making up for it now though

So overall yes and no. It's such a personal journey and different for everyone! At this stage I'm loving it

Strain on your relationships feeling that one at the moment.
Never realised how alone I would feel!

Not at all! At the 12 week scan the sonographer told us it was twins. I must have had a pretty shocked look on my face when she said 'didn't you think about the possibility of having twins'? Errr no...they don't run in our families, we hadn't even thought about it!

The SPD - didn't know about that. It's definitely not something you see in films or on TV. Felt like a right idiot getting strapped into my maternity belt every time I wanted to walk somewhere and groaning every time I got up/sat down.

I am 8 weeks into my first pregnancy. I did not expect the sheer EXHAUSTION. I am normally very active, I cycle everyday and attend aerobics 3-4 times a week.

I NEVER imagined I would be a 'tired' pregnant woman. I get home after work and nap on the sofa for an hour, I manage some chores, then I am in bed by 9.30 almost EVERY NIGHT!

I have barely been able to do ANY exercise, which is so unlike me. I am actually very unhappy. This is not what I expected at all!

I hope it doesn't persist throughout the whole pregnancy... is anyone else in a similar position?

My sister (the only other person apart from DH who knows) makes me feel worse by saying that in both her pregnancies she felt 'absolutely normal' :-(

O, and I've put on 3kgs ALREADY! :-(

Sorry for the rant, I can't rant at dd...again....

DH (still getting used to mumsnet speak...)

It's normal Kurly. I wanted to cry I was that tired. It got better in second trimester. I did go back to the gym. Now in the third trimester I'm tired again but in a different way.
They should do a blood count at your booking in so your iron will be checked. Apart from that just rest!!!

Seems to have lasted a long time (am 39+6) but now I am not overly anxious of it happening! Am surprised how well I feel now and am rather mobile.
Unexpected it feeling like I have had a low grade virus for 9 months
Will be pleased to get rid of indigestion! Pretty constant all through but not on a grand scale just niggly
No morning sickness, just exhaustion early on.
Didn't get piles or heartburn or many stretch marks (lucky me)
Did get some weird excema (sp.?) pretty early on between my legs which was highly uncomfortable and hard to heal!
Surprised on how little midwife actually talks to you about apart from checks if you have a 'routine' pregnancy.

Even though I have had an 'easy' pregnancy don't feel like doing it again in a rush! 9 months is a long long time. Being an active person I have had to make quite a lot of restrictions re working with animals/riding.

Thank you for the reassurance Chicken! I just didn't expect it to affect me so much! I have definitely been unsympathetic to all tired pregnant women until now!!
I have my booking appointment tomorrow, which is a really good milestone to reach, hopefully it'll also help reassure me too.
I wonder what else will be unexpected in the next 32 weeks I think even reading this thread has prepared me to expect almost anything! Thank you Ladies!

I love this thread and hearing all your experiences! I'm currently pregnant with my first (12+5 here!) and while I expected some things (fatigue, nausea, hormonal spots), some other things have completely taken me by surprise.

• I didn't expect to feel sick every afternoon AND YET ravenously hungry at the same time - that's a new sensation.

• HORRIBLE taste in the mouth. Almost constantly. :(

• Like RL20 said, I also feel super-protective of my (as yet pretty non-existent) bump. I witnessed a fight outside a pub recently and my first reaction was 'must get this baby out of danger'

• I feel a bit... vulnerable. Totally didn't expect that. Which is unfounded in a way, because I'm in a happy relationship with a very supportive DH who's fully on board and excited about the baby. But if something happened and I ended up on my own, I'm acutely aware that it's not just about me any more - I have someone else to look after, and how would I cope? I'm rambling a bit now, but I think I've been feeling this on a subconscious level ever since I found out I was pg.

It's early days I know, so I'm sure more unwelcome symptoms will soon be along to take me by surprise...!

Hi - my first baby too, also in the third trimester, 32 weeks!

I've been unsuccessfully pregnant before, so i knew my body didn't take well to morning sickness but i never got past 9 weeks.

With this pregnancy, i was like the exorcist till 17 weeks and i dont miss it - however, even though it did prevent me from eating, doing anything and mostly had me resting, i didn't think it was as bad as it could have been as my mum, sister and MIL all had hypermesis so i was grateful ha.

Otherwise, i don't get the fuss - i don't see myself as a pregnant person at all, no out of the ordinary hormones (i have pms syndrome so pregnancy has leveled me into a lovely non irrational beast, best i've ever felt!). I don't have cravings, upsets, or any body issues at all, im quite content and very lucky tbh. The kicks or lack of remind me though and i'm definitely more connected to the fact that i'm having a mini human soon, initially i was in complete denial that this was actually my life now haha, still in denial about labour though ;D

I'm 35 + 2 today.

• I really thought morning sickness was limited to mornings and would end at 12 weeks. I did not expect 24/7 of intense nausea for 22 weeks.

• I had heard that heartburn could be one of those annoying things in pregnancy - but did not expect that it would kick in the day that the nausea disappeared and bother me 24 hours a day.

• I did not know that I would sleep so badly during pregnancy. I didn't consider that turning over in bed in your sleep would no longer be possible once you have a proper bump and that you'd basically have to be fully awake to change your sleeping position!

• I expected to struggle with prenatal depression and anxiety as I have a history of depression and am unmedicated at the moment - but I did not expect my midwife to completely ignore this and tell me to 'just hang in there'. I asked for help at 12 weeks and did not get any until I changed midwives at 28 weeks.

• I expected to be encouraged to make my own informed decisions during pregnancy, especially with regards to birth options. I did not expect that I'd be told that I am unreasonable because I use up to date statistics to decide what's acceptable or unacceptable for me (re: not agreeing to some forms of induction...). I thought I'd be treated like an intelligent adult.

• And finally, I didn't think pregnancy would be so all-consuming. I really thought I'd continue to live my normal life until the baby gets here, just with a few inconveniences caused by a bump that sometimes gets in the way. I didn't think that it would take over so completely!!!

I didn't expect the infertility, or having to use donor egg. So now I'm incredibly surprised that, at 16 weeks, pregnancy itself has been fine. I'm a bit tired but otherwise no change. However I know I have a very long way to go, so fully expecting a less pleasant experience in the weeks to come.

The main thing I didn't expect however, was the constant terror of it all going wrong. Even now I have absolutely no real optimism of taking a baby home at the end of it. I thought the endless 2WWs and treatments and bad news during conception was bad. Somehow I naively thought once I was pregnant I'd be blissfully happy. Not so. I worry All The Time. I can't wait for movements to start, but even then I'm sure I will worry about them.

I never expected to absolutely hate most of pregnancy. But that had a lot to do with not knowing about HG, and having no idea how bad the sickness can get. And how the knock on effects of being so sick could make me so miserable - never socialising, never doing anything fun, just struggling to work, coming home, attempting to eat at least 1 slice of toast, then crawling into bed for 12 hours.

Which did ironically mean that when I hit the last two months, when I expected I'd feel as big as a house and incapable of doing anything, just not feeling sick any more meant I felt amazing and quite enjoyed that stage.

I never expected to feel so gratuitous and obvious. I remember standing on the Tube platform, big bump in front of me, and sometimes I felt as though I was flaunting it. Irrational but a very strong sensation for much of my pregnant.

And as a PP says, I also never expected that it would become all consuming and I'd not be able to carry on with normal life, just with a bump.

40+2 and my first baby too :)
I honestly did not expect the tiredness in the 1st trimester either....2nd trimester was fine, sickness and nausea had gone and felt human...until SPD kicked in! 3rd Trimester...did not realise how much you hang onto your due date!! Saturday came and went and I felt really disappointed that bump hadn't made an appearance!!
Spent the last 2 days bouncing on my yoga ball, scoffing fresh pineapple ad watching Netflixs!

Am 24 weeks with first baby...

1. First trimester evening sickness. I'd be okay(ish) until about 4pm, and then would be sick endlessly until I was too tired to puke anymore
2. The absolute, complete bone crushing tiredness. I felt like a smashed crab pretty much from bfp to 15-16 weeks. I lost all interest in everything, didn't want to go out, didn't want to
3. Feeling awkward and not wanting to cause a fuss on public transport, in spite of developing irrational hatred towards people not willing to give up a seat.
4. Constipation, followed by diarrhoea, followed by constipation, etc. I can't remember the last 'Normal' bowel movement I had.
5. You can bleed after 12 weeks and it's still fucking terrifying.
6. Orgasms are easier to come by (no pun intended) and are definitely more intense, but they consequently give me braxton hicks.
7. Feeling the baby move is just plain weird (and quite uncomfortable) - wouldn't necessarily call it magical... I feel a bit invaded...?
8. SPD/PGP can come on literally overnight and render you back to feeling like smashed crab, (with no legs) but trying to explain it to anyone that's never been through it is a nightmare, and they assume you just have pregnancy backache.
9. Total lack of concentration. I have be dreadful at work, a google fiend, a mumsnet whore, I just have zero attention span for anything non pregnancy related, so def agree with PP who says it's all consuming.
10. It still feels surreal. I still can't quite fathom that there is a baby in me, and I am past halfway, and that I will be evicting the little monkey in three months.

Things i did not expect :

• crazy CRAZY boob itching
• stretch marks on boobs not belly
• sense of smell

-not much nausea or cravings but some aversions

• pregnancy acne!
• having an insatiable appetite 24/7
• so much unwanted advice from strangers /collegues/family
• how horrible some midwives can be

However i have been pleasantly suprised at my lack of nausea and pains or aches etc

First timer- expecting twins.

Not what I expected at all. I feel tired all the time, someday I can't stop eating others I can't face much. Suffering high bp at the moment something I've never had. Hormones are running high. Mostly happy but other times want to cry or, do cry. My boobs have gone huge which I'm struggling with (small back) Skins gone quite spotty. Nausea throughout. Cramps. Baby brain. Insomnia.

I didn't get much support my first few weeks despite having a couple of scares, I did a little from my family but not from OHs or OH himself. This also made me feel quite detached from my pregnancy for a number of weeks, that I was going it alone.

Now I'm 20 weeks. With 16 weeks left, everyone's come round to the idea and I just feel shattered all the time and I've not really had the chance to enjoy my pregnancy.

Cannot wait to have them here though, it'll be so worth it

Not at all, I am currently 19 weeks and I can't say that I have enjoyed it all that much.
Whilst I was never physically sick, the nausea was horrible and it is so hard not to just eat crap all day long!
I am certainly not glowing or blooming and one of the things making is harder for me is that I don't look pregnant and I keep getting asked where my bump is. This gets me down quite a bit, I know I should ignore the questions, but it does make me worry about where my bump is!
This isn't to say I am not happy about being pregnant, but bloody hell is it harder work than anticipated!

Definitely not!

getting pregnant for me was the easy part (I didn't think that would be the case) being pregnant has been an uphill battle!

you're led to believe it's a wonderful experience, that pregnancy glow, beautiful skin and thick glossy hair! who ever came up with that b*ls*t has clearly never been pregnant!
This is my list of unexpected "real" pregnancy experiences!

at about 9-10 weeks the sickness and nausea started and has continued throughout for me - I am currently 35 weeks.

antenatal depression for the first 3 months.

I suffered with pregnancy acne between months 2&4.

An 8 month and counting hangover! headaches...constant headaches!!!

18 week battle with a UTI.

thrush about once a month if not more.

dry uncontrollable hair not to mention the body hair that is growing at a rapid rate and I can't bend over let alone see anything to remove it comfortably!

no one is curtious and sympathetic when you're pregnant, they've all got somewhere to be, more urgent that you so pushing and shoving is the norm even when your carrying a large boulder on your tummy they clearly can't see it!

everyone giving their opinion on what you should and shouldn't be doing! how you should give birth, how to raise a baby, don't lift this, don't do that...but are quick to call you a lazy cow when you're not doing anything!

don't buy this, why are you buying that!? have you not bought that yet!!!!

biggest pet hate...cor don't you look wide! what!! what!!! I am carrying all on front and have luckily not gained weight anywhere else but apparently when your pregnant it's ok to say you look like a baby elephant!!!

The crying...oh the crying!!! I'll cry about anything and everything!

tired, I don't know what sleep is anymore! I can't stay awake past 9 if I'm on the sofa, get into bed and I'm awake for hours and can't sleep. then I wake at a ridiculously early time feeling even more exhausted!

my sex drive had gone through the roof, which for most would be a good thing, for me, not so much, my partner has gone the opposite way and is too worried to go near me! aaarrrrgggghhhh!!

wow...now I write it down I can see why people say I'm a whinger!

my rant has been caused by vomiting up my breakfast at work followed by zero sympathy as per usual!

I apologise to all that have had to endure my dislike for being pregnant! it just doesn't like me very much!

and to all those who "love being pregnant" "it's beautiful" "it's a wonderful time, embrace it"....sc**w you!!!!!!

I expected to be a glowing radiant being

I did not expect bone crushing tiredness, acne and 24 hour a day nausea and vomiting.

I'm also completely insane due to hormones. I cry at anything. It's bizzarre.

Still waiting for the glowing stage :(