Interfering friends and family- please advise

[kicsr]

I have been meaning to put this entry on for ages, but just haven't had the opportunity, and to be honest I hoped this small problem would rectify itself...........

I am due soon, and am determind not to have a little girl (!!) for the simple reason that Dan and I haven't found a SINGLE girls name we like at all in the last 9 months!!! Luckily, Dan and I like the same names, so at least we are not arguing with each other.

We had one, sort off, but have definately gone off of it, and since then haven't heard, or can't think of any other suitable female names.

Infact we have both convinced ourselves and each other that this baby is a boy as we have collaborated 4 or 5 boys names we really like.

This problem is made worse by friends and parents who keep interfering with their suggestions and EVEN WORSE BOO HOOING NAMES WE CHOOSE!

Both mothers are insisting that if baby is a girl IT HAS TO BE CALLED * (I'm not going to mention the name as I don't like it and don't want to insult any other members who may have that name or children with that name)

Its got to the point that certain members of both of our families are insistant that baby HAS to be called certain names. Whenever I have mentioned alternatives I am told "No, stick with ", or "thats terrible", or "that names reminds me of such and such"

I have read 4 websites and 2 books on baby names and am getting desperate.

To make things worse i am also frightened not to choose as babies first name, as both set of parents have given us a huge cash gift recently, and I feel obliged to them.

Then worse still our friends are just the same, and have boo hooed our choice of Boys names, making even cruder comments, with reference to sexual, racial or religious connotations.

Why can't people butt out? What happened to tact........I'm so angry.

Well said, Pamina! We never talked names with anyone and certainly would never name a child out of duty. Choose what you like, Kiscr, because you're never going to please everyone so you may as well just please yourselves. Although if a name does have nasty connotations then maybe you do need to think twice about using it.

As Pamina says, thank people for their suggestions, and refuse to talk about the subject any further. If you feel you have to contribute something to the converstion, choose jokey names, such as dogs names like Patch, or Rover! That'll make 'em think!

Ooooh! People can be so rude! I'm outraged on your behalf: it's no-ones decision but yours and your dh's.

Don't feel obliged: even if they've given you cash that doesn't buy them the right to name your baby.

You could always try to wait and see what the baby looks like. He/she might not look like a Bert or Griselda or whatever you've got in mind! And when you and your dh have decided tell 'em all, firmly, that this is baby kicsr's name thank you very much.

Well, that's my two pennorth, Good luck.

kiscr, we chose a simple name for our dd, Sophie, and when we told people at least two said "oh, that's short for Sophia" which I don't think it is, it is just another form. So now when I meet these people they call her Sophia and wonder why she looks at them oddly - she is 18 mths. My sister called her daughter Daisy and people would say "fancy naming her after a cow" - there's tact for you. You'd imagine these people would have been murdered at some point in their lives but no they survive to wind us up. I'm having problems with boys names at the moment though not due till September but already noses are crinkling at my suggestions - DH steers clear.

Agree with WWW on this one - money does not buy the right to name your child and also the bit about seeing what the baby looks like. Our ds was going to be Alex but as soon as we saw him, we agreed that t name just wasn't right for him and he has a different name.

Just don't tell them your plans. Keep schtumm (or at least totally noncommittal) until he/she is born and then present it as a fait accompli - 'Yes, it's a girl and she's called Gertrude' - or whatever. People who would have been horrendously rude about the name before now have to be polite to avoid insulting the baby.

Alternatively, just decide you don't give a stuff what they think and carry on regardless. Your baby, your choice - unless you are planning to call him something really stupid (only joking).

I agree with the cloak and dagger stuff. DH made the mistake of joking that we might call our ds1 Algernon, and nickname him algae, to some close friends and they still ask after "algae" now. It continually wound me up, throughout most of the last 20weeks of pregnancy.This time I havent told anyone any names until this past week (ds2 due on Monday) and then only family, and so far my ideas have been met with positives. Just wish I could get dh to commit to something. I find boys names much, much harder than girls. We cannot agree on anything. Had this baby been a girl, we would have agreed in the first week of pregnancy!!

We were completely stuck on names when it came to boy number three, and like others had several girls names. It wasn't helped by the fact that dhs brother also has three boys who all have three names - that used us a good stock of boys names! Anyway when it came to it we still hadn't decided for definite (at least for the last two) but somehow inspiration struck at the final moment and a perfect name came out of nowhere! Dear MIL still says 'I just can't get used to it (No3s name - nothing outrageous but not the classic names she likes) which I am sure is her way of saying she doesn't like it - but I don't care two hoots. I have yet to meet a child who does not suit its name (unless it is totally off the wall) - somehow children grow into their names until they become just right for them!

Don't tell a soul, because people will always have an opinion and somehow they don't feel it is hurtful to express it before the baby is born. However, once your baby arrives relatives and friends will love it regardless of the name you have choosen.
Good luck

People are horrible aren't they, but they are mostly lovely when the child is born. I say "mostly" cautiously. When my daughter was 5 weeks old, my mum had to go into hospital. She was beaming with pride telling a woman in the neighbouring bed about her new granddaughter and the woman still mananaged to turn up her nose! It's not a particularly unusual name and I had the added burden of being totally responsible.

Wouldn't let it get to you. Agree with AnnieMo, they grow onto their names anyway.

Patch, I kinda like that.

Slightly off the subject, did anyone else feel slightly embarassed or self-concious when they used the name in public for the first time? My daughter was "the baby" for about 12 months.

(Also off subject - I've noticed how my spelling has deteriorated since I'm now able to post message without preview first!)

We had a variety of different names chosen first time round, which people passed the usual comments about - 'thats a dogs name'etc. Just by chance, we came up with a name for our DD in the last week & never really got a chance to publicise it (not on purpose). It was the best thing we ever did, as it was a complete surprise to everyone.

This time, we agreed to say lots of different names & keep it really vague, but we have decided on a name which no one else knows about. Hopefully it'll be a nice surprise for friends & family. I think my MIL has realised what we're up to as she's hardly mentioned names the whole 8 months!!

Soften the blow and use the girls name they so want as a middle name or second middle name! Don't bow to them because they've given you money, that was their choice. My Mum called my DS William for the first week of his life (he is called something totally different!) and a friends FIL insisted on calling her son Jonathan even though his name is Jordan! R

When I found out that I was pregnant it was unplanned and I was not happy about it one iota! I wanted some time to get used to the idea, but family were overjoyed and my mother got a cot sent round first thing. I got most of the stuff provided, clothes, nappies, furniture, you name it. I should have been grateful, but I was very depressed during the pregnancy and just wanted time to myself, the last thing I wanted was to discuss the ins and outs of it all. I was denied the chance to even buy my baby a single thing, I think the only thing I bought for her (we found out the sex beforehand) was a bright orange babygro. Both my family and his would choose names for us, his mother would even cut out newspaper articles on babies names for us to read! In the end we read loads of name books and decided to choose without consulting anyone else. We finally decided on Benita (when she was 2 months old!) and the first thing my brother said was "Oh great, Mussolini! It sounds like a fat cows name anyway" but we had already registered her so his comments didn't matter much. Now they still interfere, but the way round that is to tell them as little as possible and only tell them about the name when you have decided on it for sure. Someone, somewhere will always have a stupid rhyme/ancedote/or objection to any name that you choose, whether or not you choose to listen to them is up to you.

Good luck.

When my nan (bless her soul) was alive, she kept hounding my sister to some up with a name for the boy she was expecting - nan even drew up her own list, but with 'Maurice' and 'Roy' at the top, my sister paid little attention! Finally she joked with nan that they'd chosen 'Trigger Kevin' .....
nan loved it!....

Tinker! I thought it was just me! It took me almost a year to realise that I had hardly ever said my dd's name out loud!!! Very strange...it was always "she" and "her" and "bubby"...So glad to hear I'm not the only one!

To kicsr, try to ignore them, naming your baby is up to you and your dh, it's nobody else's business (although I understand they feel they are "helping" even though they aren't!) Don't mention any more names, and if they ask say you have a shortlist but want to make it a surprise. In the end, they will love your child whatever name you choose, and one day they will realise that s/he couldn't possibly have been called anything else!

My fil was determined our ds' middle name was going to be William because in his family they all have it as a middle name. I was equally determined that ds wasn't haven't William as a middle name. Of course I was helped by the fact I can't stand my fil (he's an alcoholic). In the end he accepted it. My dad, however, shows his disapproval of ds' name by mispronouncing it every time he says it!! At the end of the day there will always be someone who knows someone by whatever name and dislikes them which puts them off the name so choose what you want and don't feel guilty after all you went through the pregnancy and labour and so deserve to be able to have the final say without feeling guilty. I don't think either parents will try and make out they only gave you the money to have the decision on the name and would like to think they would never bring it up in the same sentence.

But surnames can be problematic too. DH has a double-barrelled surname which he hates, I wanted to take his surname when we got married but tend to only use the latter half. We decided to give only the second half of DH's surname to the kids but my dear MIL (who is divorced from FIL and has reverted to her maiden name) insists on addressing things to the kids with the doubl-barrelled name. Drives DH and I up the wall...

Anyway, choose the names you want or find something you can compromise on. We had to draw up lists of top 10s for boys and girls, and we found boys much harder!

Tinker, I know what you mean, I'm convinced the sluglet isn't going to know her name when she grows up. While we introduce her as Alex (well, we couldn't agree on a girls name either, went for the feminine form of the boys name we had chosen in the end), her grandparents call her Lexi or Al, and we call her the wibblet, sluglet, small and smelly, wibbly girl, fat girl, sausage girl, fat one, fang, gnasher Lee, little one, chuckle chops etc etc etc.

As for you kiscr, its your baby, your choice. They will get used to it in the end, however much they dislike it. Choose a joke name and insist that's what you're calling it (my brother for example, insisted on calling his unborn his son baldy) then quietly register it with the name of your choice and present it as a fait accompli.