I feel like SPD is ruining my life

[birdofthenorth]

Nearly 35 weeks pg with DC3 (DC1 is 4, DC2 is 21 months). Had SPD symptoms since 14 weeks which are now excruciating. I have crutches, two different support belts, cocodamol and a few very kind friends helping out with the school run, but I still just can't cope anymore. I follow all the instructions and do my pelvic floor exercises but it is still agony to sit, lie or stand and excruciating changing between them. DH works away several nights a week. He has done his level best to reduce this and be around to help with school runs, bathtimes, washing etc but he's pretty grumpy about it all to be honest and still not around as much as I need. He's just booked to spend a whole Saturday away at a football match when I'll be 38 weeks, leaving me with our 3 kids plus my stepchildren and was outrages when I questioned this! At the moment I just want to cry most of the day. I can't take DC2 out to stimulate him so he's being a raging horror., and there have been times he's fallen off stuff or banged his head simply because I've not been able to get up in time to stop him. Sometimes I can't get up at all. I feel like my life is one mundane painful challenge after the next and am starting to feel wholly depressed. I am desperate for an induction but my midwife has warned my consultant is I keen on them for reasons of "maternal discomfort" (have an appointment next week to discuss). I don't have family nearby to help. Has anyone else felt this depressed with it? I feel like no-one understands. I know people go through a lot worse. And I know how lucky j am to be expecting, but I just can't stave off feelings of isolation and to be honest despair. People just keep saying "oh well, not long now" but I can't help fantasising about wanting to walk out and check myself into a hotel and sleep, or just get in the car and indefinitely away from it all. I know I am being ridiculous but I've just had enough and each day seems impossible, picking up after a tantruming toddler when each step or bend is agony...

Hi Bird,

I had SPD with both of my DC( crutches, support belts (day and night) painkillers) turning over in bed, getting out of a chair felt like I was 90)which was pretty awful. But it doesn't compare with you:

You are heavily pregnant (with all the aches/pains/ worries/stresses/hormonal feelings that that brings in itself)

You are in pain, probably 24/7 from dreadful SPD even while in bed and are on crutches. Your sleep will be very disturbed.

You have a 4 year old at school- school runs/hours.

A toddler around ?all day who you are having to entertain/ stop injuring themselves.

A husband who is away a couple of times a week

Step children + 4 year old + 21 month old + a husband who wants to leave you with them for the day.

It is likely that you are isolated as you cant even pop out for a pint of milk/quick chat/ interaction with other people without being in agony/ having to lift/ walk with a toddler (concerns about them running off if you cant run after them if they run into road etc) when you are on crutches and possibly feeling guilty about asking for the school run and other favours.

Bloody hell at all the above. Would your other half do the same if he had broken his leg and was on crutches and you were away a couple of times a week, leaving all the childcare to them? I think not. Explain it in those terms to him. If he doesn't understand show him your post.

You need support. Call in ALL favours/friends/ family help. This is hopefully only for another month or so. Your OH needs to up the help even if he is helping/ trying it just isn't you its the whole family. If he can go to a football match all day he can give you a time to breathe/ rest all day and take the kids out/look after them. sure he is also tired etc but that doesn't mean you have to do it all.

Ask to speak to a midwife supervisor at your hospital on the phone due to your mobility issues who can discuss the induction date/ your situation if they are being strict with dates. Yes there are medical reasons babies shouldn't be induced early but they need to know how bad you are. I have met quite a few people over the years since I had my DC (last 6 years ago) to know that this sort of pain/ isolation will mean you are prone to postnatal, even antenatal depression.

Hugs, hugs, hugs, hugs.

sorry think all I did was repeat your message

I've been there, I can honestly say finding a specialist osteopath who is qualified to treat when pregnant made a HUGE HUGE HUGE difference.

Your dh can't go away for the day unless he finds someone to be with you for the day - non negotiable!!!!

Have a look at this website:

www.pelvicpartnership.org.uk/

although the home page keeps saying its easy to treat which wasn't my experience with they specialist physiotherapists, acupuncture,osteopaths etc I saw the site helped a bit though. What is with the picture on the home page (right)- never thought my leg would ever be able to do that again so not sure why they have a picture of a leg up and out on the site. Should have a DO NOT DO THIS note.

Remember thinking if I ever got pregnant again I would hire a mobility scooter- but don't think they allow toddlers/ children attached!

Randonmess is completely right- you cant do a day with small children and step kids? age without help. It doesn't matter how resentful or annoyed he gets, its for safety sake. I suspect although its been painful for ages the disability (and it is one) has crept up and you may have just got on with things and modified what you did. He may not actually realise how bad it is. Would seriously mention the broken leg/ crutches image.

Take care and thinking of you.

I was in a wheelchair when I was pregnant with DS2 (18). Fortunately DS1, who was a just 2 when DS2 was born, was easy going, but we spent most of our days cooped up in my bedroom. We watched far too much TV and videos, drew, did puzzles and read books.

My DH is in the Forces so had to got to work and back then there was no such thing as parental leave or compassionate leave. He'd leave us snacks, drinks and lunch ready done. My friend would have DS1 a couple of afternoons a week.

They did try to induce me at 36 weeks because I was in so much pain. They had 3 goes over a week but it didn't work. They offered me to stay in hospital to have regular Pethidine injections but I declined becuase I didn't want DS2 to be addicted. DS2 was born the following week, at 37 weeks, after a sweep.

Your husband isn't being fair to you going to the football. Unless your DSC are much older and can really help with your DC I would refuse to have them. You have too much in your plate as it is.

Try icing your pelvis, that helps the pain imo better than heat. Do the absolute bare minimum. Don't push the buggy or shopping trolley. Try not to lift you toddler. Sleep with a pillow between your knees.

You probably know all the tips all ready. You aren't being a wuss feeling like you are feeling. SPD is so, so painful. Oh, and if your consultant doesn't do inductions for SPD ask to change to one who does, I did.