Anxiety - is this normal?

[MrsLovell]

Hi, I'm 26 weeks pregnant with my first and I have been experiencing intrusive thoughts which I think is anxiety, I just wanted to know is this a normal pregnancy thing or not?
For a few months now I have been having intrusive thoughts about something awful happening to my DH that will mean he will die and I will be left to give birth and raise our baby alone. The thoughts come mainly when I say good buy to him in the morning when we go to work, or if he goes out of an evening without me, they range from a feeling of "knowing" that he will have to run to catch his train, and he will definitely slip on the station stairs and break his leg, to thoughts about him having a car crash, bomb going off on the tube, or that he has cancer or something else catastophic. Most of the time the thoughts seem quite clam and almost rational realizations, as if I say to myself "well that's the last kiss I'm going to get, somethings definitely going to happen to him today" But if he is a few minutes later home than I expect for some reason the thoughts get worse and more panicky. (by the way I very much love him and I don't think I'm wishing him to be dead).
I also regularly convince myself that our baby will be still born or things like that the "babies movements I'm feeling are too jerky to be normal and it must be having epileptic fits and will therefor be too disabled to live when it's born" .It feels like my brain is searching for something to worry about all the time, that it won't let me just be happy for the fact that outwardly I have everything I could wish for - Wonderful husband, home, much wanted baby on the way etc.
I have experienced a couple of periods of depression in the past but they have felt very different to what I'm feeling now. I don't feel hopeless, just anxious.
Has anyone else experienced thoughts like this?

Hi MrsLovell, sorry to hear you're having such worrying thoughts. In my experience this is completely normal - I always get anxiety when pregnant, and have had panic attacks. Try to not worry too much about the thoughts you are having - they will probably continue (if you're anything like me!) but at least if you know it's hormone/pregnancy related you can relax slightly.
Just to warn you, my thoughts/imaginings became a little worse after my babies were born. I could vividly imagine for example, dropping ds down the stairs, or dropping dd over the balcony. Terribly upsetting but for me these are normal so I tried to ignore them as much as I could. Dd has just turned one and they have virtually disappeared.
Hope that helps, and good luck!

I've had similar thoughts. My husband does a lot of the financial bills etc for the house and I keep thinking what if something happened & I was on my own I wouldn't know where to start. I've also had dreams where I'm alone & have to save my pet or family members in different life or death senarios. Is this your first? It's my first baby & I think it's just me adjusting to what is about it be a huge life change.

I've also got upset while clearing out the baby's room as I found old clothes & things reminded me of when I was younger. It just made me feel like everything was changing & out of my control.

I don't think it is normal. Common maybe but not normal in the sense that you should just live with it. Speak to your midwife and they will be able to recommend some help for you. Pregnancy is stressful enough as it is without having to deal with this too.

I feel like that too. Especially now I'm on my third. What if he wasn't here?! He had a nasty car crash before Christmas when he skidded on ice into railings. Luckily he was absolutely fine and walked away but I couldn't stop crying for days, if he's late on his way home from work I worry too. There's also the financial side of things, I'm stay at home now because it would cost more for me to work and pay for nurseries, but that means that we're financially dependent on his income which is quite scary too.

I don't know what a 'normal' level of concern is and what is too much and anxiety, so maybe it's best if you speak with your midwife about your concerns? Personally, I think the level that I'm at is natural and I'm OK with it (not pleasant but it is what it is).

x

Hi MrsLovell
This feels very familiar to me. I'm 17+4 and finding myself getting very wound up by all the potential things that can still go wrong with the baby - umbilical cord accidents being a particular one at the moment.
I'm also hyper anxious re my DH, too. He's having a small operation at the end of the month as he had a serious op two years ago that involves electrodes in the brain and a pulse generator in the chest. The battery needs changing. I'm totally freaked out about the risk of infection and if the infection was to spread up the wires to his brain, as when the first op was done, DH had a haemorrhage, and so I'm petrified about the idea of them having to go back in there... I know the risk of infection is tiny, just as the risk of the baby getting strangled on the cord is tiny, but DH was pretty good at messing with the odds before, when he got that haemorrhage (less than 1% chance) so...

It's not just that though. He cycles back from the station and it should take 21 minutes. If it takes longer after he's text me, I get a bit anxious.
I have no idea if this is normal anxiety or not, either, and whether we should just suck it up. For me, it doesn't come attached to any checking or hypervigiliance as per foxhugs so it isn't OCD ish... but...

Hi,

I'm 20 weeks and can relate to everything you have said. 'Intrusive thoughts' is such a good term as that's exactly how it feels. I think with me, it's definitely something to do with having everything I've ever dreamed of, and convinced it's all too good to be true and that something will go wrong. I've always been a little anxious about something happening to my dad (as my mum died when I was 8), but nothing like the worry I've had lately about something happening to DH or the baby (like you, I worry if DH is late home or doesn't answer phone). Unfortunately I have no answers, but am so relieved I'm not the only one and it's possibly (at least partly) because of my pregnancy. So thank you for posting!

Also, whilst it isn't quite OCD, I've starting looking for emergency exits whenever I go somewhere like the cinema or even at work, just in case something terrible happens and we need to get out. I've never had depression or suffered from proper anxiety, and it's really scaring me! Have also stopped watching the news as I can't stop thinking about the horrible things that keep happening to people.

Me too - and very much relate to "having everything I've ever dreamed of, and convinced it's all too good to be true". I'm 10+2 and I flit between being convinced something awful has happened/will happen to the baby, that my husband is going to die, or that I am going to die (either giving birth or later on) leaving my DC all alone. I've had anxiety/depression on and off for years. So far, I think the focus of my anxiety has changed (now, very baby-focussed) but it hasn't actually gotten worse than normal. My usual coping techniques involve getting plenty of sleep (it's always worse when I'm tired), baths, good food, massages (as soon as I get to 12 weeks!) - moving the focus from bad things happening onto taking care of myself. Unless I have a really bad patch (GP time!), it works pretty well. But constantly feeling like you are trying to fight against all the misery is exhausting.

I've had this too, maybe not as extreme but I suddenly worry about things I never would before, ie like something happening to dh. I've put it down to my crazy pregnancy hormones! X

I had this pre pregnancy too. I've been diagnosed with gad and been on medication for many years. I weaned off a few years before starting to conceive and I felt fine for the first couple of yrs post coming off antidepressants.
Before, I used to obsess about my own health and convince myself I had horrible illnesses ranging from heart disease to cancer to ms, etc. then my dh had a bad cold a couple of yrs back and that sort of triggered something in my mind and I started having the same thoughts that you mention.
So bad that I used to lock myself in the bathroom and cry for hours in the shower.
After having the mmcs my attention shifted from my dh to both his health and mine so double whammy really.
I am now 14w pregnant with my first and I spend most of my awake time worrying about dh, the baby and if there's any time left about what could go wrong with me aswell.
At some point about 1.5 yrs ago I got so bad that if my dh was 10 min late and not answering the phone I would get dressed and start searching for him on the streets (I live in central London so it doesn't make any sense as he could have been anywhere). I got out of bathroom soaking wet numerous times late evenings in the middle of winter to frantically search the streets for him.

Anyway, I'm on my second course of CBT and while it helps, it's not a magic wand and I know that the resolve sits within me.

I worry that once we'll have a baby I'll get even worse (if that was possible!) because ill have even more at stake.
It's horrific and I really don't think its normal.

One thing Ive learnt for sure is that the more you acknowledge these thoughts and try to understand their nature and why they occur the more they'll grow on you and will take over.
Please try to brush them off if you can.

Thank-you all so much for posting. I'm sorry that you're all going through tough times and I wouldn't with these thoughts on anyone, but it helps to know I'm not alone. I definitely have some ocd tenancy, though my usual symptom, I compulsive skin picking problem I've had for about 20 years, has actually got a lot better during pregnancy, it has been replaced by a lot of symptom checking, list writing, constant replaying of conversations and obsessing over plans for house decorating and baby preparations. I have had cbt in the past but I'm finding it very difficult to apply the techniques I learned to this new set of symptoms and part of me doesn't want to acknowledge or validate the feelings by working on them. I'm trying to push through but work and house work is suffering because of my poor attention span at the moment. Am also scared to tell GP or MW for fear of being labeled as unable to cope or unfit parent. People keep telling me to relax, but I just can't seem to. The worst thing is everyone I see keeps saying how excited I must be to have a baby, and all I can think about is how terrifying it is and then guilt for not being happier and excited. Has anyone got any tips for relaxing and stopping your brain racing?

I'm so glad to see I'm not going mad, OP, me too!

Mine seems to be a death issue - I've had two very vivid dreams that had me in tears at work the next day. One where my brother died in a horrible car accident and I had to visit him in the morgue, and another about my cat who died over 10 years ago that seemed as real and upsetting as the day it happened. I've also had moments recently where it 'hits me' that I could die in childbirth (unlikely, I hope!) and even went as far as sitting my DH down and having a 'what if I die' conversation with him. I then worry about what he'll do without me and a new baby to care for...

Also very anxious and sensitive about people around me and their comments about my baby, how I'll raise her (ie. my dad's new wife made a comment today about me liking the idea of co-sleeping was ridiculous and I have no idea - ended with me crying down the phone to my DM for an hour).

I feel like a whiney, moany, emotional, unreasonable crybaby at the moment

I honestly don't have a suggestion other than a hot bath and a good cry but I'm kind of in the same boat if it helps :-)