Just not coping

[Sn00p4d]

I posted last week when we found out the baby has CDH and a 50/50 chance of survival. I'm 37 weeks on Monday and they're looking to induce me at 39 weeks-ish so I've got weeks to go and I just can't.
I've got appointments coming out of my ears but no one knows what the outcome will be, I feel like a time bomb, I've got everything in for the baby, clothes, general stuff, the nursery is all set up and I can't go near it. My friends are getting on with their lives, announcing pregnancies and I want to scream.
How do people cope with this? How do you carry on with a pregnancy knowing you might never get a baby at the end of it? I'm circling the drain.

You poor thing, sounds like you are having a tough time.

I can only imagine what you are going through. I have been told that my baby has 2 holes in it's heart, one very large and another smaller one. Although I have been told that they should be able to operate and fix them, so nothing as bad as you. I have a small idea what you must be thinking.

My DP wants to choose names, midwife is talking about birthing plans and to be honest all I want to do is go to bed and wake up when it is all over.

I suppose the only thing that you have to do is focus on the positives. So there is a 50/50 chance, still better than a 5/10/20% chance. You have to stay strong for the baby that you are carrying and just hope that you are going to be one of the lucky ones.

The good news is that you have made it to 37 weeks, so the baby must already be a fighter to stick around and has not given up, so you can't either.

If it upsets you going in the nursery, then don't, close the door and walk away. Just focus on getting through each day, one at a time until the baby comes.

Sending you a hug and here to hold your hand.

Have you been offered any counseling or support? Please do discuss your feelings with your midwife.

Thank u pintofmilk because we made it this far "complication free" we've just been focusing on the birth and bringing her home and now the rug has been whipped out from under us, trying to come to terms with it when everyone we speak to tells us a different thing, one minute she's got a chance, the next she doesn't, so so hard to know what to do and how to react, I want to go and live in a cave until it's over.

gallicgirl I asked about counselling because I do feel that it would be beneficial, but I was told that I "seem to be coping fine"

It's appalling that you're not being offered councilling. You need to contact the hospital directly and say that actually, you are not coping fine and would like somebody to talk to. They can't just assume you are 'fine' because you're holding it together in the consultation room.

I have no real advice for you, but take each day as it comes and focus on the positive 50%, not the negative. You don't have to pick a name yet, or have a birth plan, if that's not right for you right now. Have a warm bath, and as hard as it is, breathe.

Its horrendous that you are not getting counselling. ..what do they want you to do? Sob uncontrollably all of the time? Im sure you have but surely they understand that you dont want to cry all of the time you want to try to focus on the positive and sometimes you need help to do that! Im keeping my fingers crossed that your beautiful daughter is strong enough. Definitely spwak to hosp again and demand some sort of support for such a difficult time

Hi Sn00p, I am not sure if you've seen this site but they suggest they can put you in touch with other people going through this for support. Might be helpful?

All the best xxx
www.cdhuk.org.uk/about-cdh/feelings-and-emotions/

Hi sn00p I remember your original thread and have been thinking about you.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling, it's not at all surprising. As above, I would try to focus on the positives. You are fortunate that the problem was discovered now, at least your baby will get full medical attention from the second he/she is born.
Everyone is different. My sister wanted to act like she didn't know and we were all instructed to carry on as normal. We all had to be positive. That worked for her to an extent, I remember her pram being delivered, I took it home with me and put it together. I also learned how to put her car seat in the car as I knew my sister wouldn't be up for that.
If the opposite is true for you then ask family and friends to pack things away for you.

Do you have friends and family that you can speak to? I think counselling may also be good but you may have to find someone privately as my sister was offered counselling but her appointment rolled around after her baby was born.

Also, depending on the type of person you are you may also want to get prepared for what will be a bit of a stay in hospital. My niece came home when she was 10 days old. My sister lived quite close to the hospital but opted to sleep there as she was expressing her milk for my niece. Having food in the freezer and a bag packed for you with treats and snacks might be an idea to get you through the first couple of weeks. It may also give you something to take your mind off things for the next two weeks (I am guessing you are on maternity leave?)

Treat yourself to some relaxation/ pampering. My sister found reflexology good. She also busied herself so that she didn't have time to think. Although she only had about a week between diagnosis and the birth which, for her, was a godsend.

Oh and stay away from Google. You will only see extremes on there.