Stress levels in pregnancy

[BlinkAndMiss]

How much stress is 'too much' when you're pregnant? I'm 20 weeks and have just had a very stressful week at work which looks set to escalate. I had my 20 week scan on Friday which showed that everything is as it should be (thank goodness) so I'm assuming everything is ok at this point.

Work is very stressful, it's complicated but I'm having to justify myself in a situation that is very hard to prove. Half way through last week I just couldn't stop crying and I've thought about the situation ever since. I'm not sleeping very well, certainly not the last 3 nights (about 6 hours in total) and I'm feeling like I'm at the end of my tether. I'm still managing to eat, I do feel sick and like my stomach is in knots though. I'm quite shaky and cold most of the time.

I know that stress in pregnancy is never a good thing, but I'm in a terrible situation where if I go off on the sick then I'll look as if I have something to hide. I do feel like I could justifiably be off with stress and anxiety, I feel like I'm constantly judged and like I can't trust anyone. I'm just so, so worried that by facing this out I'll be causing my unborn baby damage.

Does anyone know that the effects of stress are, either over a short or prolonged period of time? I daren't google, it will send my stress levels through the roof if I read something awful but I know that I can't keep ignoring it. Ironically, one of the things I'm accused of is mainly due to my pregnancy, it wouldn't happen under normal circumstances and was not a problem when I was pregnant the first time (at the same work place). I have to go in tomorrow and I'm terrified.

I think you need to just try & chill a bit. Lots of babies are born each year and throughout the millennia to very stressful circumstances (think war zones & extreme poverty) and if there was lasting damage we'd be well aware.

I'm sorry if that doesn't sound sympathetic, whatever it is sounds horrible. Babies take what they need from you but if you're not looking after yourself it'll leave you feeling worse. If the lack of sleep continues I think you should visit your gp, cos there will be help he can offer despite the fact you're pregnant.

Not much help, but I am in a similar position at 19 weeks, but related to home not work. I am tearful, shaky, my heart is constantly racing and very stressed. Not helped by having really bad hip pain so getting a max of 2 hours sleep a night. Can still feel baby moving around and have my scan on Tuesday. Do think that if I could sleep, I might feel a little better. Hate to think what my blood pressure will be like!

Sorry, not helpful, but just to know you are not alone.

Work wise, you need support - is your union supporting you? Is this a complaint against you as such? (If you are being treated negatively as a result of your pg, sounds like you have a complaint against them ! I have heard of a baby being born in a concentration camp. That mother must have been very stressed! My most stressful pg was my last one (following several mcs) and ds arrived just fine. It does sound like you need to be signed off work, but for your own health really.

Jaffakake don't worry about the sympathy side of things, your advice is helpful thank you. I hadn't really thought of that before, of course there are situations where the environment is highly stressful and babies are born into it all the time.

ToddlingAlong1 thank you, sorry you're going through a hard time too. It's awful feeling constantly on edge and having to think two steps ahead all the time. I'm sure out babies will be fine, it's just us who feel like rubbish because of it. I hope things get better for us both very soon. I'm concerned about cortisol and adrenaline, I feel like I'm running purely on these things.

Thank you Iggi, yes I'm being supported at work by one of my managers but it's the managers above him who are investigating what has been said. At this point I haven't contacted the union as nothing formal has happened yet, I'm just having to counterclaim what has been alleged. I'm worried because it's like a 'he said, she said' situation which, if I'm given the chance, will be a lot of work and stress to defend myself against should my word not be enough. I'm looking into the claims tomorrow, I know there are two things mentioned which are directly related to my pregnancy (absence and sitting down - absences were for antenatal appointments) but the claims are from another colleague (where the complaint has come from) so I not sure where I stand with it.

I should probably be on the sick, but I'm quite stubborn and I don't want it to look like I'm hiding from anything. I just feel helpless really and I'm worried about the effects of all the cortisol and adrenaline pumping through my body and into the baby.

Do you have any annual leave you can take to give you some time off or book some so something to look forward to?
Work is stressful here but I am just counting down in my head the weeks until I start maternity leave ( need to set a date soon!!) as my way of managing.

I have a week off in about 3 weeks which I'm definitely looking forward to, I'm just focusing on that for now. I just feel that I can't enjoy anything anymore, not with this looming over me. Tbh I don't even know if I'm overreacting, I guess I'll find out tomorrow. But I do know that a claim has been made about my professionalism and I am having to put in the counterclaim to my manager which he will then present to his manager. I'm hoping they take my word for it and it all goes away, but from the nature of the evidence against me I don't think this will be the case.

Worrying about the stress is probably more harmful than the stress itself. I had three very stressful things happen almost on top of each other during my last (not particularly planned) pregnancy. Dc3 is the most chilled of the bunch, and I now joke that his exposure in utero to so many stress hormones has desensitised him. Obviously do what you can to reduce the stress, but try not to add extra worry about your unavoidable stresses.

I would seriously contact your union at this stage, they are not just there for when things go very formal.

I think I will Iggi, I need to know what to do if it does go formal. I think I've been hoping it'll go away but I've been in a similar situation before and it was very stressful (hazard of the job, not because I'm terrible at it!!)

Thanks NotMrsTumble that's good to hear, I hope this one is chilled out I think he'll need to be to cope with his older brother! I'm going to have to get thicker skin, I do worry about the small things which is probably why I feel so bad. And I think I've got extra anxiety in this preganacy, it makes it difficult for me to rationalise sometimes.

Glad to hear that stress won't cause any immediate harm to my baby, I just need to add some relaxation into my day and hold on until maternity leave.

Thanks for the replies, I feel a bit better now :).

I was signed off with stress when I was about 28 weeks pg. I suffer with anxiety anyway but I think being pg made it worse. Midwives said it was important to look after myself so encouraged me to get signed off, but they didn't think it would effect the baby.
He's 6mo now and is a very happy healthy baby so I'm sure that it hasn't hurt him!

However, although I really needed the time off work it didn't really do much to help in the long run. I went back after 4 weeks, having 4 weeks to go until maternity leave and nothing had changed so I was still stressed. I was sleeping better though as the Dr had given me something to help me sleep (I didn't want to take anything because of being pg but the Dr said the benefits outweighed any risk to baby.)
I chose to go back because I was sleeping better but the Dr had said she would have signed me off until mat leave started.

Also, I think my boss now doesn't think I'm up to the job. I have asked to go back part time, and although she has agreed, she has made it very clear that she thinks that it would make me more stressed trying to do the job in just 3 days. She has only agreed to part time for a trial period and I have a feeling that she will make it difficult for me, ultimately forcing me to leave. So I almost feel as I could have committed career suicide by taking that time off. But at the time I had no choice.
It's a hard one.

I know that employers are not allowed to discriminate on the basis of health, especially pg related, but they just go about it more stealthily!

This may not be relevant to your situation, but I just wanted you to know my story

I was ridiculously stressed all the way through my pregnancy. Work related and and as a result couldn't sleep, anxious,crying etc and basically couldn't find a way to deal with it. Anyway DS is 3 inow. Bright, happy, independent, cheerful little person so my point being is that stress has absolutely no affect on your baby so don't do what I did and stress yourself more worrying about how stressed you are.

You could try and get signed off work by doc with stress?