'Older' parents - ageist people!

[MrsSmithChips]

Hi, this is my first time on here and I just wanted to post and get some feedback from parents that are or have been in the same situation as us.

My husband and I have been together for 9 years this year and happily married for 5 years in August. I'm 41 and hubby is 48. We have both previously been married and I have a 15 year old daughter from that marriage and my husband has 2 daughters who are 19 and 24.

We were happy as we were and had no plans for any children together due to our ages. However, we had the shock of our lives on New Years Eve when we discovered that I am pregnant! I say shock because I was on the mini pill and always take it correctly.

I am now 9 weeks pregnant and last Thursday we went for our booking in appointment and were in the waiting room alongside another couple who were younger than us. The midwife came out and spoke to the other couple who were not there to see her. She was obviously looking for me. She looked around the corner, past my husband and I,to see if anyone else was waiting and then looked at us and said "Are you two ok there?" As if to say it can't be you I'm looking for because you're too old! I replied saying we were there for our booking in appointment! She looked a bit shocked and embarrassed but was very pleasant throughout the appointment.

I was just wondering if anyone else has encountered any ageism whilst being an older mum and would love to hear from older mums.

I think it's also about attitude. I had my child at 39, and wasn't particularly interested in the age of anyone else. Maybe it was easier not being able to compare my energy levels as a mum in my twenties, but also I genuinely consider myself ageless.

On the other hand I have a friend who had her first at about the same time as me but is a couple of years older (I only know because she's constantly telling me!). She's a bit of an old soul and seems to find the whole experience very wearying.

Congratulations on your lovely surprise. By next NY your baby will be here!

I was 34 and 38 when I had my children and I thought I was distinctly average when I looked around the waiting rooms etc. Plenty were younger and plenty were older. I live in the NE of England, so we're not especially cosmopolitan, lol

I was oldest of antenatal group at 32, it had taken since 29 to get pg though.
I tend to think i look young though, having been asked if my mum was home by someone at the door at about 30.
My dnan was 44 having Ddad 70yrs ago. Anything under 50 is surely quite common.
Ive seen several mini pill pg threads now- it doesnt seem to work too well in practice

I had my 3rd at 42.
It isn't that unusual and I don't regret it for one moment.
Your little one will have all the advantages of siblings and all the attention of being an "only".
41 isn't old.

I think it depends on area too. DSis was the only one in her NCT group under 35!

I must say, I've been very lucky not to hurt feelings sometimes. At one group, there was a man whom I recognised as the husband of a friend of a friend (so relatively distant link). Physically he was a good match for my grandfather, so I assumed he was a grandparent. I went over, said hello and was this close to saying the word 'grandson' when I realised how very much the child looked like him....

Since then I have always said 'son/daughter', just in case.

There's quite an age range in our NCT group (south east); the youngest was 26 and the oldest 40 when we all had our babies - I'm 29. I can honestly say that age didn't matter at all when it came to forming our friendships as we had a fairly huge common cause to bond over!!

Im 24 and been married for 3 years, but i look young (i get id'd for a lotto ticket!) and although ive not yet faced any comments etc i have to admit i feel like its only a matter of time before someone makes a comment etc as people assume im so much younger than i am :s.

Trust me the looks you'll get are much more benevolent than the looks you get if people think you're a teenage mother.

I can't see how OP can KNOW that the MW only hesitated because OP+fellow looked too old and not for 50 other possible reasons. And yes, get used to being the same age as some of the grandparents at nursery - clubs - school.

Im a young mum, 23 with 2 and a bit kids! I had ds at 17, pregnant at 16. Dd I was 22 when I had her, people think that my mum is their mum even though im pg again! I went into the shop before I quit smoking and got asjed for id, I had both kids with me and my mum. My mum laughed and told the shopkeeper i was only 15! He refused to serve me! And again befoee I found out I was pg I went to get a bottke of wine for me and my friends and they wouldnt serve me then either! Im at an age where I dont feel I should have to use id but maybe u should. I laugh it off now but when I was pg with ds (1) I got quite upset at a midwife who tutted and asjed if termination was an option! I was horrified!

Lljkk - it was quite obvious by her reaction and the look on her face!!!

Fattymcfatfat - thats horrible midwives are such uncaring cows!

I was almost 29 when I had my first and I was the youngest one at the NCT classes we went to. Most were in their late 30s. When I had my second I was 31 and I remember the midwife telling me I was classed as an older mum! I am 36 now, DH nearly 45 and we are still considering more children. I like the idea of having children around the house when I am older!

Most of my friends have been in their late 30s or early 40s when they've had their first babies.

Though I had problems with my pregnancy a few months ago, and the GP phoned the EPU and said: "I have a 44-year-old here." Not, "I have a patient with XXX symptoms," A 44-year-old.

I think the NHS just files you into a tick box category - and I suspect this approach is based on data that's well out of date.

From what I can see in my friends, 40+-year-old women make great mums.

Congrats and phew! I'm not the only one, 43 and 7wks, first and a complete surprise! One of my friends, same age, just had her first grandchild. When I went to docs he said 'of course you will get a midwife appointment very soon and see a consultant on account of your age...was it planned?' thanks for that ..anyone else older and in early stages really tired allready?