no-one ever actually talks to me at appointments

[wanderingcloud]

I'm wondering if I'm alone in feeling like all my antenatal appointments are a waste of time? I'm 34 weeks now, I've had a few different appointments with midwife, obs consultants, endocrine consultant. Every one is rushed. I'm in and out in under 5 mins, a quick flick through the notes, are you ok? If I say no, they tell me to see my GP, so I just say yes. Urine dip, fetal heart rate and I'm out the door. People say about talking to their midwife but I can't seem to engage mine in any conversation at all. When I ask questions I just get fobbed off really, told I don't need to worry about things or see the GP! I'm so underwhelmed by the way I've been treated. Is it because it has been a straightforward pregnancy? Am I just not being forward enough? I hear about people discussing birth options or getting test results back. I'm never told anything like that. Do I have unrealistic expectations?

Unrealistic? No way .... at no point should you be feeling that you don't merit the time of day just because everything is going ok!! I would book in again with the midwife and straight up tell her how you have been made to feel ... that you are in the dark as far as results and things go, you haven't discussed a birth plan but would very much like to and appreciate everyone is busy but they all have a duty of care to you in your appointed time slot!!!

Thanks, I'm not sure she would book an appointment I didn't need iyswim. She is very stretched and regularly can't fit me in at my surgery due to lack of appointments. Is it like this in other places?

I know how you feel I posted the other day about birthing options seems no1 wants to bother talking to me feel like I just need to wing it, don't know why I bother even thinking about a birth plan! We get 15min for my midwife appointment last time I went she was running half an hour late, an rushing me in my appointment to make up time, felt like I don't have a bond at all with my midwife I am 28 weeks and feel king of abandoned so your not the only one :)
I see a consultant today but I bet it will one big rush and my consultant says one thing and my midwife always contradicts her kinda of a nightmare!

It sounds like they are very busy, though there is no excuse to make you feel like this.

In my notes there was an outline of when I would have my appointments and what would happen at each. At (I think) 36 weeks there was a double appointment specifically to discuss birth plan. It felt v late to me, but I suppose if baby were born before then they'd be prem and you wouldn't be choosing the birth options anyway.
So regarding the birth plan, it may just be that you haven't quite got to that bit yet

I'm so sorry you're being made to feel like this. I had a different midwife at every appointment initially and they were quite quick. I think around 28 weeks I had two appointments with the same midwife but I didn't like her - I felt she didn't listen to me and was cold - so I asked for a different one the next time and I've seen this one every time since. She definitely spends more time talking with me, and answering my questions, but some of that could be timing. I think as Curls says you maybe are just before the birth plan appointment - do you have that sheet that outlines the purpose of each appointment? I've definitely felt that since about 35 weeks I've had more attention and information from them - one discussing birth plan which they led, then each time since a discussion about signs of labour, any concerns I've got about labour as we got closer etc. I really hope it's a timing thing for you and you find that they get more useful now, but if there is someone you can speak to (do you have a number for community midwives where you could ask to speak to the Supervisor of Midwives, for example) then do ask to be seen by someone different if you don't like your usual midwife, or just express your dissatisfaction regardless of whether you want someone new or not. I hope it gets better for you.

I feel exactly the same my hospital is awful I feel like I'm a massive inconvenience to be having my baby there. I figure it's just because I'm in London and they are busy, I had my dd there too and it was awful but I figured this time I knew it would be awful so just suck it up and get on with it and hope if anything was wrong they'd help me.

I found them vague too. More like "get you in, get you out" attitude.

I felt a bit like this with my first pregnancy. I'd hear people talking about "my mid wife" and wanting to see "their mw" and wonder what they were on about. If you have a straight forward pregnancy they really don't have much to say. At 34 weeks I booked a double appointment to go through my birth plan and that was much better. As pp said they don't really discuss the birth before that as if you went into labour before that any birth plan would be out of the window anyway.

It's the same with a complicated pregnancy, in my experience. I was under a named consultant, but at every appointment I spoke to a registrar who flicked through my notes, went to speak to the consultant, filled in my maternity notes and sent me on my way. Once, a community midwife sent me to triage at the hospital as my blood pressure was high. The doctor I saw was very nice and asked me who my consultant was. I said that I didn't know how to pronounce her name and explained that I never saw her, always spoke to the registrar...it turned out SHE was my consultant! It was pretty embarrassing.

I've found that the care since giving birth has been much, much better - almost too good! My baby was born on Christmas Eve at 34 weeks, then spent two weeks in NICU. Since she came home we've been visited every few days by the midwifery team, the health visitor and the NICU team; once we were seen twice on the same day! As they come to you it's much more friendly and relaxed and they've been brilliant at answering our questions, and you don't get fed up waiting around in a busy clinic that is running late for what feels like a 30 second appointment.

I hope your experience improves. For what it's worth, despite a lot of complications and what felt like haphazard antenatal care, my birth experience was great.

God mango that's terrible. With me and my friends, everything was very hands off until there was a problem, GD, raised BP, bleeding (I had this) then it was all hands on deck and the care really stepped up but very little until problems arose.

Thanks for the replies, it's not good others feel the same way but is nice to know I'm not alone. I know they are massively overstretched locally and like fishfinger I feel like I'm being hugely inconvenient choosing to have a baby when they are so busy! I'm due to see my mw tomorrow so will see how it goes. It does feel very late to be discussing things about the birth etc with only 6 weeks to go but I suppose it's true that plans won't matter before 37 weeks anyway. It probably sounds the words of a hormonal idiot but I can see why women choose to freebirth as all the checks seem so perfunctory and pointless. I'm still at work so every one I have to fill out loads of paperwork to get time off. Feels like a waste of time!

That's how I felt when I went to the hospital for growth scans and had to speak to a doctor there. She even wrote in my notes that I felt fine when actually I'd mentioned a couple of things.

My midwife on the other hand does chat about how things are going and I was impressed she'd even remembered me mentioning my husband's redundancy.