living at parents in law while pregnant!

[rosedavo]

Is an absolute nightmare! We are staying here for a couple of weeks as our moving date for our new house got moved back, but im struggling to cope as mother is law is a smoker and refuses to stop smoking around me even though im pregnant. Also the house is sooo cold but she wont put the heating on during the day :s. Im pretty fed up!

I would find living with my ILs a nightmare too, but because they would be fussing and trying to make my life as easy as possible. Yours sounds like a total cow. Is your DH not standing up for you?

that she's being so stubborn about the smoking. Local libraries are great places to hang about if you need to get out the house without spending money! Good luck, remember it's only temporary here's some and and to you in the meantime! x

Oh you have my endless sympathy! I live with my PIL and found/find being pg in their house so tough!

The smoking thing would drive me crazy. So thoughtless of her.

Have some and and remember "this too shall pass"

Yeh my husband has argued with her but she genuinely doesnt think its a problem, i told her that i got co2 tested at booking appointment and they could tell and she was just like oh thats nonsense , i actually feel like crying! Thanks im trying to spend as much time out of the house as i can!!

I'd be tempted to remind her before you leave that if she cannot smoke outside of the house when you are pregnant, there will be no way you will be bringing the baby round when he/she is born!!

Carbolic, the library was my 1st thought when I read the op too!

I know i made that clear to my husband about not having her smoke around the baby, yet she has already assumed that when i go back to work she is quitting her job and will be the main care provider. ..dont think so!!!!

Hmm I feel for you, I had this with ex-MIL (yep Ex!) and she promised not to smoke. Came home one day early from work, baby in travel cot and she was smoking like a trouper in the same room.
She never had the kids again.

Im just shocked how selfish someone can be

Gosh, how horrid.

Would you be able hang out at a friends house? I know if my friends were going through this I'd give them a key and let them chill here as much as they wanted.

I think im more scared for when the babies here and I leave them with her and she says she wont smoke, but will (realistically a smokers not going to not smoke for a couple of hours) and the other alternative is leaving the baby alone while she goes outside and smokes, which is even worse! Just panicking that it will cause arguments between me and husband

My parents are prolific smokers. I tended to shut myself in my room to escape the fumes and keep opening windows (not so great if cold). Warn her now that when she visits you she cannot smoke in your house and that baby won't ever be coming to hers

Do you need to leave the baby with her though? If you don't intend to take her up on regular childcare when you go back to work surely there's no need to leave the baby alone with her? I don't mean that in an insulting way to her its just if it's not a necessity surely you'll all hang out together (without the smoking) rather than you leaving baby alone with her all the time.

I know i dont want to at all, but she keeps insisting that i wont put child into childcare whilst at work when she can do it. I will be having serious talks with her when baby arives! Its very hard when shes so overbearing i think because me and husband are 24 she thinks she can get away with thinking shes right. Grr! Actually had to stand alone in kitchen the other night eating my tea because she wouldnt stop smoking at dining table, ridiculous!

The other way of looking at it is that it's MILs home, MILs rules and she's doing you and your husband a favour. I don't know how much harm an unborn baby would come to while his mother lives in the house of a smoker for just a couple of weeks. Is it negligible and is MIL of that opinion?

Who pays the bills? If you and DH pay your fair share there's every reason for you to expect to have the heating on. Otherwise you could (and imho should) offer to pay any increase in heating costs for the duration of your stay.
When the baby's born it's entirely down to you whether you take him to MIL's and of course she doesn't have any say on whether you return to work or who cares for the baby if you do. Just tell her no. Your child, your decision.

Do NOT let this woman be your main childcare provider. If nothing else, her demanding and "wont take no for an answer" attitude does not bode well for her having the little one in sole care.

It wont stop at smoking. She will not adhere to any rules you set in place. You need someone (CM or Nursery) who have to follow your guidelines over things like weaning, naps, etc.

I foresee major issues. Please please do not let her give up her job and become baby's main childcarer. Have your DH speak with her.

Do not let this woman look after your baby. You are on totally different pages, and she doesn't respect your wishes.

Your DH needs to tell her she will not be doing childcare.

X-post!

Yeh i know which is why its kind of a hard topic because i am grateful for having a place to stay and understand that its their rules ( but i still think 2 weeks of smoking away from me isnt much to ask) and yes we have gave money towards house costs and buy our own food and tidy up after ourselves etc ( while his 23 ur old sis who has never left home pays nothing ahem). As much as i want to say no child is never coming over while u smoke, im scared to cause rift in family :s (im a long way from any of my family)

Once the baby is here, I would limit trips to their smoke filled house to about an hour (we do the same with FIL). Encourage her to visit you at your house (where presumably she wont be allowed to smoke inside).

Yeh this is why im worried, if she wont stop at smoking (even for 2 weeks) then i just know she wont respect anything i say. Think my husband thinks im overreacting but for me its becoming an issue that's on my mind daily