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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Terrified if my baby is a boy

20 replies

Snowflake19 · 15/01/2015 07:10

I'm having a private sexing scan tomorrow and I'm on the verge of bottling out through fear, please let me start of by saying this is not a preference to either sex. This is my (very much a surprise) 4th pregnancy, I've had 2 boys and a girl, I had awful pregnancies with my sons I had servere pre eclampsia with both and didn't make it past 30 weeks with either of them, one of my sons died at 26 weeks and my other son was very ill in scbu for a long time, my daughter I carried to full term only very mild pre eclampsia at the end but other than that I had a text book pregnancy and birth with her. If this scan shows my baby is a boy tomorrow I don't know how I'm gonna react or be able to cope throughout the rest of my pregnancy, I feel I can't carry boys properly and something awful will happen again

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Nolim · 15/01/2015 07:16

I dont think there is a correlation between the baby's sex and oregnancy complications.

breakingthebank · 15/01/2015 07:21

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through and for the loss of your son. Are you being looked after by a special clinic for women who've had pg problems and lost babies? I found the support i got from this type of specialist unit to be invaluable.

I know it's no consolation but I wanted to share as I understand the anxiety. I have 2 dds & 1 ds, dd1 was text book full term, dd2 nightmare pg born at 23 weeks. I then had a miscarriage at 16 wks and they believed baby was a boy. When I found out I was pg for the 4th time I was a nervous wreck and sure I'd miscarry. as pg progressed I was certain it couldn't be a boy as I'd convinced myself I wasn't meant to have a boy/couldn't carry boys. I ended up having healthy full term pg and gave birth to a 9lb 14oz ds. Each pg is different, there's no saying that you will have a repeat of previous pg (although I know that doesn't help the anxiety)

Beggy15 · 15/01/2015 07:25

There isn't any link to sex and having problems during your pregnancy.

Good luck you will be fine :)

FishWithABicycle · 15/01/2015 07:45

So sorry to hear you had such difficult situations before but if this baby is a boy that does not have any implication at all for making complications this time more likely. As you've had preeclampsia before you are high risk for having it again with either gender, but doctors know a lot about how to prevent detect and treat it. Don't be superstitious. Keep focused on the positives and follow medical advice to minimise the risks and keep aware of potential early symptoms. Good luck!

HelenHungryCat · 15/01/2015 07:49

Sorry your going through this fear.

Is there any reason you must have the sexing scan?

I would be tempted to stay team yellow if it would raise my anxiety to find out it was a boy until baby was actually here

I don't think ultrasounds to know the sex improve pregnancy outcome in any way, but being as de-stressed as is possible (I know, it's virtually impossible but hence why perhaps wise not to add to it with this scan) will help you x

treaclesoda · 15/01/2015 07:52

I was going to suggest the same. If your fear of carrying a boy is causing you such anxiety what about not finding out the sex? I chose not to find out the sex in my pregnancies and there was no problem with that, the medical staff may have known but they didn't write anything on my notes that alerted me to it.

Good luck. wishing you all the best.

Branleuse · 15/01/2015 07:54

id cancel the scan. xx

Original poster

Snowflake19 · 15/01/2015 08:40

I'm not the one that wants the scan my dp does, we've had many discussions about it and I agree that finding out will just make the anxiety even worse if the baby is a boy, he thinks it will prepare us emotionally. I'm already under consultant care so am confident I will receive the best care and what will be, will be. I suppose you could say I've given in to dp's nagging and backed down regarding the scan.

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FishWithABicycle · 15/01/2015 08:49

Not having the scan sounds like very sensible advice, and your dp is being inconsiderate and thoughtless to push for it.

His fear is not actually of the baby being a boy. Hus fear is of complications and illness for which no predictive scan exists. He is pretending to himself that the gender scan will act as a prediction, because there's a 50% chance that the scan will show female which will help you both to relax and calm down. But there's also a 50% chance that the scan will show male and that will make things worse as stress is very much an influencer here. You know it is better not to not have the scan and try your hardest not to worry. He needs to back down on this.

knittingirl · 15/01/2015 08:50

I would speak to your dp again about it - it's you that's carrying the baby, suffering the complications and ultimately the one who is suffering worst with the anxiety. If you feel that knowing the sex will make the anxiety worse, I really think you need to sit down with your dp and say you are not having the scan and these are the reasons why. You know your body and emotions best.

HazleNutt · 15/01/2015 12:00

if you don't want a scan and think it would make you more anxious, then DO NOT have it. Really. You're the pregnant one, so whatever you say, goes.

Original poster

Snowflake19 · 15/01/2015 16:12

I'm gonna speak to him when he gets in from work and try and reason with him, he's a stubborn sod though

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HazleNutt · 15/01/2015 16:19

He can't actually physically drag you to the scan though, so you can be just as stubborn. His reason is curiosity, yours the concern about your and your baby's health, as anxiety would not be good for either of you.

knittingirl · 15/01/2015 16:27

I agree with Hazle - it's not so much a matter of reasoning with him, as stating "I've been thinking seriously about this, and I have decided it's best for my mental health that I don't have the scan".

Original poster

Snowflake19 · 15/01/2015 17:27

Very true he can't drag me there, I'm gonna tell him I'm not going simple as that of course I'll tell him for the millionth time why not even though it will fall on deaf ears and I will probably get the silent treatment all weekend

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FishWithABicycle · 15/01/2015 18:53

Really? isn't it time he grew up and stopped being a man-child? Grownups don't do silent treatment as revenge for not having control over someone else's body.

Allthenamesareusedup · 15/01/2015 21:32

I agree with pp's re not having the scan. I cannot see why on earth you would tbh. I understand that the baby belongs to both parents, but we are the ones who carry them, and if my DH didn't respect that and let me make such decisions I would be livid. I went alone to my scans because I didn't want to feel in anyway accountable for anyone else's feelings should there be bad news. I told him he could pay for scans anytime he wanted, but the two medical ones I would be going to alone. Your DH needs to respect your feelings on this - point out that him stressing you out about this crap is the thing most likely to cause problems, and to go and get you a cup of tea. Good luck.

Marmaladecat1 · 17/01/2015 11:31

How did it go op?

Original poster

Snowflake19 · 20/01/2015 17:16

Apologies for late update, we came to a compromise we still went for the scan so we could see baby but didn't find out the sex

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fattymcfatfat · 20/01/2015 17:26

Hopefully things work out well for you. And glad to hear that you decided it was best to leave baby a surprise! Much less stress and worry for you. Hope the rest of this time is as relaxed and problem frer as possible

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