feeding dilema.

[louay1]

hi all just looking for a bit of advice

currently 32 weeks pregnant with my 4th dc and i am having a bit of a feeding dilema. with dd1 i was unable to bf due to severe tongue tie etc so she was ff and she thrived she always gained weight and is now a very healthly 12 year old who has never been ill. with dd2 and ds1 i managed to bf them but i never really felt comfortable with both they didn't really gain any weight and are still small for their ages now, out of all the dc i would say that ds1 picks up the most colds/flu etc. i was discussing with my exh who is this babies father and he has stated that i should bf this one and he will not support any other decision. now i do not feel that dd2/ds1 got what they needed by being bf and want to ff like i did with dd1 he says this is stupid and that they are fine never mind the fact that the hv were monitoring their weight and were also very unhappy with them. exh says i am stupid to compare all the children but i can't help feel that dd1 thrived so much better from being ff and really want to do this but exh keeps putting pressure on me to bf. does anyone have any advice for how i can approach this with him.

just dont tell him? or lie? If he isn't going to be about then how would he know any different.

Unless he's planning to bf them himself he doesn't get a say. In fact, as he is your ex, you don't have to follow any of his advice about how to "parent" them when they are with you. How to approach it? How about "You don't get to tell me what to do anymore".

Can you not compromise and do both?

i hadn't thought about expressing really may be worth giving that a go i have heard it can be quite hard but at least then it would satisfy his 'breast is best' approach whilst i would also be able to keep a check on what this lo is actually getting.

I'm going to give bf a try again this time, but after a rocky ride last time here ds didn't gain & fit with the curve, for my own peace of mind I suspect I'll end up doing both.

I think you get to decide. 1) they're your boobs for crying out loud! 2) he has no bloody idea how exhausting bfing can be 3) he's your ex 4) all kinds of things could happen that reduce your chance of a happy bfing journey - difficult birth, tongue tie again, etc. you could try a bit of both, but if you don't want to, you don't want to.

I would suggest you tell him his wishes have been noted but you're going to be the best placed person to make the decision & he'll have to respect that.

I think in your situation I'd try to breastfeed for the first week so the baby gets colostrum and then I'd slowly start adding in formula.

For me a big issue would be the father if the baby being able to help look after the baby sometimes, I'm breastfeeding my 2 month old at the moment, I have a toddler and a helpful dp and there is no way I could breastfeed if if wasn't for dp doing basically everything else, my baby had problems gaining weight so now I feed him very regularly and he has gained lots of weight the last few weeks but I have mostly sat on the sofa feeding him.

He will "not support any other decision"? And what form exactly would this take? I hated BFing and no one would ever get away with telling me they expected ne to do it.

What a knob!

Feed however you want. You dont have to justify it to anyone. He wouldnt be able to dictate the birth so why does he get to dictate what does or doesnt happen witb your boobs?

I think you should tell your ex that breastfeeding is an enormously personal thing for you to decide on, your body is not his property to dictate what you do with it and that you refuse to discuss it further with him.

And then end the conversation if he ever brings it up again.

Expressing is very draining (excuse the pun) because babies are much more efficient at getting the milk out of you so it takes a long time, and then you have all of the storing, sterilising and bottle feeding to do on top of being attached to a pump for stretches of time. I only think you should do it if you are properly on board with it, and you don't sound like you really want to.

I don't think I'm biased here, I breastfeed myself, but I hate the idea of women being bullied into breastfeeding like your ex is trying to do.

yeah i was planning on doing the first few days so that lo would get colostrum and after that i just wanted to go straight to ff. i've basically already said to him that as it's my body and that i would be the one actually doing it i feel that it is more my decision than his he isn't the one that actually has to do it and wouldn't be the one facing all the questions again if lo didn't gain weight basically with ds1 they made me feel like it was my fault he wasn't gaining weight and that i wasn't feeding him enough even though he was feeding basically 24/7 and i don't think i could go through all that again. he isn't supportive at the best of times anyway so i think i'll just going to have to stick to my guns will try to express but if it doesn't work then i will be ff and he will just have to put up with it. we aren't getiing on the best at the moment anyway as i feel he isn't doing enough for our dcs that we already have so i can't see him changing for this one