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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

would you/ did you tell people when labours started? i dont want to..

23 replies

silverfishlondon · 13/01/2015 16:37

It's my first baby. My parents live couple of hours away and my mums very ready to come down at the slightest hint of labour or to offer support to my husband if it goes on for days. I don't want her at labour or birth. Husbands parents live abroad but his sister's just round the corner ( me and her are NOT friends)

Im aware some people will know when there's action, such as husbands work mates when he doesn't come in, or my friends if I cancel on lunch date.. but , I really feel as far as possible I want it to be private, until we can announce a birth after I'm clean and stitched. I know I'll be focused on labour and probably won't care or even think of it then but I strongly feel I don't want to have people waiting and wondering while I'm pushing away. I don't want parents to be discussing what's currently going on with my privates! I don't want parents in law to tell sister in law. Husband wants to phone parents to share the excitement and also feel he has some support. We are hoping for a homebirth.

Am I being selfish and unrealistic wanting to feel private or did other people feel like this?
Thanks for any opinions or experiences.

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babyblabber · 13/01/2015 16:43

I defo wouldn't tell anyone. I was induced with my first and elective section on my second and only told our parents. Even that was a mistake because despite warnings, they were all getting worried each time when they hadn't heard anything and we had missed calls & texts when we eventually checked our phones. Last thing you need is worrying about people worrying about you!

Have another section in a few weeks and telling my parents as they are minding our kids but that's it. Not telling my sisters or any friends.

WishUponAStar88 · 13/01/2015 16:43

I text my mum to say 'waters have broken. Please don't tell anyone else as contractions aren't strong so it could go on for days' but they were getting stronger so I had a good feeling birth wasn't too far away and my mum was just about to start work so knew she couldn't turn up!

Blanketontheground · 13/01/2015 16:47

Don't tell anyone. I did and had people waiting on every update. I learnt my lesson and with my second I just called them and said 'I've had a baby'!
Seriously, if people are going to come the hospital then don't tell them.
If you have a second child you'll need someone to look after the first while you're in labour and news tends to leak out.....

Original poster

silverfishlondon · 13/01/2015 17:03

Thanks! You've reassured me I'm not being stupid, as you said, I don't want to be worrying about other people worrying!

So at present our agreement is husband can call his parents once I'm in established labour, but they are to keep it strictly private. There's no risk of them turning up as abroad. He can call my mum if it's going on a long labour and he's feeling he wants support ( on the phone or in person) but only if desperate and only if tells me first!

Recently a friend gave birth. Her mum told my mum that labour had started and she told us all who happened to be at a big family do for the weekend. Over the next few days we had no updates so regularly wondered out loud how it was going. Made me realize I didn't want to be the subject of this conversation while I'm going through it all.

OP posts:

Original poster

silverfishlondon · 13/01/2015 17:09

Wishuponastar: that's an idea, whatever gets told I can play it down so then they do know something's going on but only when we are pretty sure thel be more news soon.

OP posts:

sleepybee · 13/01/2015 17:34

I can understand why your husband may want to tell family members as if there's an emergency he may need support - for example you needed emergency surgery but he is left waiting outside for news he may wish to call someone

33goingon64 · 13/01/2015 17:49

We didn't tell anyone until a good 6 hours after the birth. YANBU at all to want to keep this special time private for as long as you like. Don't call anyone or put anything on FB until you've enjoyed the magical time when only you and the midwives know.

SophieBarringtonWard · 13/01/2015 17:56

Don't tell. With DC1 we told my mum when she was born & parents in law the following morning. With DC2 my mum, dad and brother knew, as they were childcare, and my friend knew as she brought round teabags which I had run out of! (homebirth) Will do the same for DC3.

Memphisbelly · 13/01/2015 18:02

I am due in two weeks and I will have my mum with me and my sister will have ds so they will be told, I won't tell anyone else until he is here, my mum and sister have been doing the odd school run so people won't automatically think I have gone in.
Some people have already started with the daily 'any signs?' Texts

Last time I messaged my dad and he sent the odd text, I was in for 3 days before ds arrived and by then we had to get people to in to deal with animals in house so word got out, I remember pushing and dh, mums and my phone were all going off and I just screamed to throw them out the window. This time we have the kennel on route to hospital on call to collect our dog from our house if needs be.

mumofmunchkin · 13/01/2015 18:37

No, our plan was that the first anyone would know would be a call to say the baby had arrived. In the end, I was in the beginning stages of labour for over 48 hours and really wanted my mum's support so we told my parents and my mum came for am afternoon, but no one else knee. This time, my Mum will be on standby to look after ds so she'll know again, but def not planning on spreading it around.

mumofmunchkin · 13/01/2015 18:38

Knew not knee!

CherryLips1980 · 13/01/2015 18:49

The only people we told were the kennels where the dog was staying (they are friends, we weren't over sharing!) as I was going in to be induced and didn't know how long we'd be. As it turned out, I didn't need the induction but it was lovely as no one knew until we did the calls/FB announcement.

This time we will need Childcare too (somehow I don't think the kennels will oblige with DD as well as the dog) so will have to tell someone but still don't know who! My parents (who I am not close to anyway) are nearly 3hrs away, DPs dad is a typical farmer and is only really to be trusted with lambs, and nether SIL is known for their ability to keep secrets!

Pippidoeswhatshewants · 13/01/2015 19:02

The idea of telling anybody that I had gone into labour never entered my head until we moved to the UK and I joined Mumsnet!

The only people who need to know are those that will be with you during labour, and your child carers if it is baby no. 2/3/4... Everybody else will hear the good news once the baby is there.

JanieLovesLuckySocks · 13/01/2015 19:40

I didn't tell anyone except some mumsnet girls on a thread! If I'd have told my mum she would've worried and either come over or phoned / texted which I wouldn't have wanted. I know it's because she cares but it's a private time and you just need to concentrate on you! I think she got an inkling when I didn't reply a text inviting me for lunch though (I was 11 days over).
I'm due again in may so she will be needed to look after ds1 but I'll try to leave it as long as possible! Xx

ch1134 · 13/01/2015 19:40

I was determined not to tell anyone but baby came at midnight and family all hours away. So no-one got he message til the morning and I was desperate for them all to meet the baby, but had to wait all day to share him!

Original poster

silverfishlondon · 13/01/2015 21:31

Right definitely gonna stick to my guns and avoid telling any of the parents if possible, or as late as possible then only if necessary. If things arnt going well I don't want hubby to feel isolated and anxious.

I was kinda hoping baby would be on time as the longer I go over the more my mums going to think up reasons to call regularly, just to see that I'm answering my phone!

She was present when me and husband were discussing whether to tell parents, so she knows I don't want to tell her updates, but she said my husband could call her without me knowing! Thanks , that's a nice plan! She then also said she won't need to be called as she will just sense it..

OP posts:

Bondy83 · 13/01/2015 21:31

Whether yours or his family know your in labour or not they won't be allowed anywhere near the delivery room. Make sure you write in your birth plan that only your dh is to be in the room. Even if they're camped outside the delivery suite you don't need to let them know you've delivered straight away leave them stewing outside whilst you and dh get settles with baby and you've been stitched showered etc. No one needs to know anything until your ready to share it with the world. Don't stress about it .x

CrispyCrochet · 13/01/2015 21:36

I haven't read everyone else's replies so apologies if I X post with anyone.

But I would definitely keep it as low key as possible. My DH found it stressful trying to keep up with all the questions from everyone while also trying to be supportive of me in labour. Some people it will be hard not to tell, but I would definitely wait until you are in established labour or you'll get a million texts asking for updates.

Good luck!

cowbiscuits · 13/01/2015 22:02

I would keep it fairly quiet, especially if you have the sort of friends/family who would harrass you and DP for info.

I didn't even tell DH for about 6 hours, I decided I was in (early) labour at about midnight and wanted to let him sleep, so he didn't even know I was up and down running baths all night (if I recall I had candles in there). He did have to tell his work why he couldn't go in that day.

I also told a friend I was supposed to be meeting that day.

My family and friends are all very calm and not the nagging or panicking types. I didn't tell my mum until I left for the hospital. She wouldn't have come unless I'd asked her, and lives too far for that anyway, but she was VERY surprised when I called her less than 4 hours later to tell her she had a grandson!

This time I'm going to have to tell family much earlier to sort out childcare, as my mum will have to come over to look after DS.

cowbiscuits · 13/01/2015 22:07

There was something special about those few hours when DH was asleep and I was on my own, the only one who knew- it was certainly uncomfortable but not awfully painful at that stage. It feels like a nice, calm, positive memory now, but I must've been anxious/excited at the time. I can't explain what it was but it felt right and peaceful being in the bath on my own.

I did tell mumsnet though!

FantasticMrsFoxx · 14/01/2015 10:48

I'm not telling. We are planning a home birth and the last thing I want is visitors during or immediately after!
I've also told people my due date is two weeks later than it actually is so as to try and avoid the "is baby here yet?" messages.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 14/01/2015 10:52

I didn't tell anyone until I was in fully established labour (about 8cms dilated) and knew DD's birth was imminent. Even then I only told my mum and dad who would be too far away to come. I was in slow early labour for 48 hours and couldn't stand the thought of getting constant calls/texts asking for updates (it was bad enough in the 2 hours before DD was born, DM even phoned the hospital despite working for the NHS and knowing full well they wouldn't be able to tell her anything due to patient confidentiality).

HazleNutt · 14/01/2015 11:20

Hell no, I don't want people discussing my cervix. Giving birth is stressful enough, you don't want to be worried about who might barge in, or people texting and calling for news.

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