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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Friends staying 2 weeks after due date.

24 replies

leanne963 · 13/01/2015 13:39

I have a best friend who lives in America and she and her husband are planning to visit the UK in June to visit her family (she moved there nearly 20 years ago) and friends. I am due middle of May and I stupidly said a few months back that she could stay here a week cause she is struggling to know where to stay as her family are getting older now.

But now the pregnancy has sunk in (I think I had denial in the earlier weeks as I previously suffered a MC) I realise I will not be able to have two people stay for a week two weeks after the baby is born. That is if my little girl decides to be on time. We don't have the space either and they will be on the living room floor, also the idea of being exhausted and having to entertain someone for a week just puts me into a panic.

My best friend has said that she regrets not being here for the birth as I think it is custom from where she lives to visit friends in hospital within hours of being born. Where as from what I have heard and experienced you wait until new parents call YOU and tell you it's ok to visit.

I guess I just need some advice from mums, this is my first baby! Could you have coped with having friends stay so soon after birth or am I worrying about nothing?!

I am thinking of suggesting she can stay here with her partner for a few days at the beginning of her two week holiday and a few days at the end. Then stay with her aunt the rest of the time?! Ah I am just stressing!! Help!!!

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IsabeauMichelle · 13/01/2015 13:41

Just tell her exactly what you've told us! Surely as your best friend, she will understand?

Original poster

leanne963 · 13/01/2015 13:43

True! I just hate letting people down

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Justmuddlingalong · 13/01/2015 13:44

I think it would be too much to have anyone staying. If she's a good friend, she'll understand that your offer was made hastily and make other arrangements. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy.

guitarosauras · 13/01/2015 13:45

I wouldn't have been able to after each of mine.
Explain to her and suggest some b and B's or hotels.

sleepybee · 13/01/2015 13:45

I'm a first timer due Start of May, sort but this sounds like my worst nightmare. I'd defo tell your friends how you feel also will your friends want to be possibly kept awake at night with a new baby when they are on holiday? Also if they are on the floor in living room bear in mind you will probably need access to kitchen/bathrooms etc during the night so further disruption for them eek! I hope you get it sorted and your friends are understanding

IsabeauMichelle · 13/01/2015 13:50

I know you think you'll be letting her down, but this is your first baby. If there's once in your life to put yourself first, it's now

plantsitter · 13/01/2015 13:51

I suppose it might be all right but equally it could be bloody awful. She's got plenty of time to sort something out; cancel now. She has to understand surely (and if she doesn't she only has to mention it to one person with kids and they will agree with you).

Original poster

leanne963 · 13/01/2015 13:51

That is another concern of mine sleepy I'm just worried she will say 'oh i don't mind I just want to be there and help'

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HazleNutt · 13/01/2015 15:06

Could I have coped with myy best friend - yes. We've been friends for so long that she certainly would not mind me sitting there with my boobs out, or simply leaving her to her own devices and sleeping most of the time. I have had her over after surgery, when I couldn't really do anything, and she was very helpful. I'm not sure I would like to have her potential boyfriend/husband around though, especially if I didn't know them well.
Is your friend the helpful, relaxed type, or actually expecting you to cater and entertain?

Original poster

leanne963 · 13/01/2015 15:52

hazle my worry is that cause they are coming over here for a holiday that they will want to do things. Her partner likes a good drink so will probably be expecting bars or pubs. However if it was my best friend that lives here staying for a week I could handle that cause she is very chilled and would be able to go and drive home do some bits and bobs as we have a very good friendship! I think I am putting pressure on myself, I dunno!

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BeanCalledPickle · 13/01/2015 16:07

Whereabouts do you live? I think it would be good if you could suggest alternatives when saying no to them. Was thinking you could look at air B&B and see if anyone is renting out their house or even just a room anywhere nearby? That way they would be close, not too out of pocket but have their own space as well as you having yours.

They may well be expecting you to say this. It is a huge ask that close to the birth of a baby to come and stay. We sat in a coma for two weeks. Eating pizza and watching box sets

Original poster

leanne963 · 13/01/2015 16:28

Haha bean This is what i was intending to do, i didn't want to shower unless it was really needed lol. I might have a little look near by, i know she can stay with her aunty but it will be like a 45 minute drive from Swindon to Gloucester so i know she won't want to do that too often. I Will have a look at local B&Bs :)

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BeanCalledPickle · 13/01/2015 17:30

Try AirBnB. It's great. It's where people rent out rooms etc when they happen to have them free, but it's not a B and B service if that makes sense

PotteringAlong · 13/01/2015 17:34

My children were born at 42+1 and 41+6. House guests 2 weeks after your due date? No no no!

oopswoops · 13/01/2015 17:47

Do not have her to stay! You need this special time with your baby and do not need any extra stress. Any good friend will understand

ch1134 · 13/01/2015 19:42

I was still in a lot of pain after 2 weeks and was glad each time visitors left!

GerbilsAteMyCat · 13/01/2015 19:51

No no no. It will be hell!

Peanut14 · 13/01/2015 19:54

You could go10 days over your due date, have an emergency c-section, you may not even be home from hospital. Is this your 1st baby? I'm like you that I'd feel like I was letting her down but I don't think she should have accepted your offer. Best friend or not I don't think I would have coped with 2 house guests after having my baby. Give her a call and be honest. You really don't need house guests, sure they wouldn't get any sleep.

Peanut14 · 13/01/2015 19:56

Just saw that it is your first baby. To be honest I'm annoyed for you that your friend intends on staying, it is very inconsiderate.

Original poster

leanne963 · 13/01/2015 20:13

I've decided I will finish my essay then give her a message on Facebook. I know it is the worst form of communication but time and distance seem to dictate this is the main way we can have a chat. Eurgh I am such a wimp and the thought of potentially upsetting or annoying someone gives me anxiety. Thank you everyone for the responses. I needed to double check that my worries about this being completely unrealistic wasn't just from me being a worrier and it will genuinely be a difficult situation to be in.....Thanks everyone!!!

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Annarose2014 · 13/01/2015 20:23

HELL NO. This almost happened to me recently. Relatives on holiday invited themselves to stay with me 8 days after my due date. "Oh but it'll be 8 days later! We'll be no trouble!"

I just said I needed to be on my own with the baby & they ended up staying elsewhere.

Thank God I did as I went 10 days over! Nightmare. As it was they popped around the day after I gave birth and plenty of times after that but at least they only stayed an hour. I looked like shit and was barely coherent, but for an hour I could cope. No longer.

You will be a ZOMBIE. Two will be bleeding profusely. You'll have about 90 mins sleep at a time. Your tits will be constantly out. You will be slightly smelly as you're too tired to shower. You'll be going to bed at 8. You simply cannot do this.

Peanut14 · 13/01/2015 20:56

I hope she understands. Don't feel bad, you are not letting her down. It is a special time for you and your baby. I agree with all Anna said.

Good luck

Jodie1982 · 13/01/2015 21:53

What AnnaRose said...couldn't of put it better myself. I'm pregnant for 5th time and due very soon, so speaking from experience you will not be wanting guests just after giving birth!

Original poster

leanne963 · 13/01/2015 22:00

Thank you Anna I agree and appreciate your perspective.

I will let you know how I get on!!

Thanks everyone :)

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