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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Feel like i hate him...Is this normal?

14 replies

Lea2014 · 07/01/2015 08:07

Im currently 26 weeks pregnant and for the past couple of weeks all i have felt towards my partner is anger i constantly cry at things he says/does. I feel alone and no support from him he has no interest when i can see me tummy moving and ask him to look, he just glances and looks away all of this time he has felt my tummy twice when the baby has been kicking, i have told him i hate him in anger over the past couple of days a word i never use. Please anyone...is this normal?

OP posts:

sleepybee · 07/01/2015 08:22

Hi, I'm not sure if this will help much. I'm not in the same position where I hate my husband, but he's only just starting to gradually become interested in my bump at almost 24 weeks. He's aware I've felt kicks for a while now. I made him feel kicks about a week ago & expected a bigger reaction all he said was is that it! But past few days he's reached out himself & put his hands on my bump which I'm finding really special as it's not me forcing him. Just got to remember for us the baby is there & on our minds 24/7 but for partners it's not as intense.

Fernfrond · 07/01/2015 08:27

My other half was really disinterested for our first pregnancy. I was so excited and wanted him to be involved, to read about pregnancy and birth, to feel her move, talk to her etc, but he didn't want to. I confronted him about it, and he said that he felt disconnected, because he wasn't carrying the baby. He felt silly and self conscious talking to her. He didn't want to read about it because he didn't think it would make any difference to how things would go. It didn't seem real to him somehow. It really upset me, but he saw things differently.

He was fantastic during the labour and birth, possibly because he didn't have any preconceived ideas about how it should go, so he was able to adapt to the rapid changes and support me. Turns out his focus was after she was born, when it all became very real, and I couldn't hope for our kids to have a better Dad.

Can you talk to your partner and find out why he isn't interested? Is this a new thing or has it been like this since the start? It may help if he can explain his perspective xx

Original poster

Lea2014 · 07/01/2015 08:47

Thank you both for your replies - I understand the baby is in my tummy and i will obviously feel more attached than him but i just find it absolute heart breaking to think these kicks have been happening for weeks now and he has only felt my tummy twice ince i said feel that and the second was because he had been to the pub!
My partner isnt the best 'talker' he tends to sweep things under the carpet i feel i may aswell not bother and just crack on with this myself i just got to feel my little one move and that smile comes back however i am not liking this feeling of sadness and loneliness xx

OP posts:

Fernfrond · 07/01/2015 09:32

It is awful feeling sad and lonely during what should be such a happy time I hope that as you get further through he starts to understand the effect his behaviour is having on you, and that he tries to be more involved xx

Original poster

Lea2014 · 07/01/2015 09:57

Cant see that Fernfrond as i have just text him about how he shows no interest in the kicks or movements, his reply - Ive had 3 other kids i know what it looks and feels like, im lost for words i really am xx

OP posts:

TeaandHobnobs · 07/01/2015 10:10

Lea I can understand how upsetting this is for you, but I feel you really need to address the communication issue as an underlying cause (rather than his apparent lack of interest).
You say he isn't the best talker - that itself is likely to contribute to more issues in the future, when things get really stressful (life with a new baby is certainly no walk in the park, although it affects everyone differently).
My DH also is not a great talker, but over the last few years I have made a concerted effort to discuss things with him when they are bothering me - I've had to, otherwise I think our marriage would have gone down the pan. He doesn't enjoy it (neither do I, funnily enough) but he respects that we get past problems by talking about them, without aggression or blame.
I don't think texting him is a great means of communication tbh...

Original poster

Lea2014 · 07/01/2015 10:41

I havent replied to him i give up how anyone can say that is beyond me angry or not its been about his other 3 kids for too long my babies turn now xx

OP posts:

wintersdawn · 07/01/2015 10:52

Am I right in thinking this is your first? I can see why you would be upset and agree you need to talk to him, however I can say my dh didn't touch my stomach more than once for both my pregnancies, it freaked him out to see my stomach moving without my control but it's no reflection on the way he is now they are here.

Original poster

Lea2014 · 07/01/2015 11:04

Yes wintersdawn my first, i know my hormones are all over at the moment however he does nothing to reassure me and is never there to support me i really have give up on him as of today, what will be will be i dont want to be alone at this time it should be something we share but he obviously doesnt feel that way and i cant force his feelings to be there xx

OP posts:

Mum2B2first · 12/01/2015 02:29

My fiance has 2 from a previous relationship. A 9 and 7 year old. He is quite distant with my pregnancy just now (this is my first) . But I do know before he said many other fathers he had spoken to also felt the same and it was because they weren't carrying the baby. They didn't understand the worry and things that we go through. Don't worry he'll be fab in the long run. X

redredholly · 12/01/2015 14:10

Sounds shit to me OP. My DH has older children and has been very involved. In fact maybe there was even more of a need to show me he was so I didn't feel he was jaded. Your DP has a bad attitude and you are right to feel it is a special, magical time. He's wrong too, as this is his first baby with you and is therefore totally different. Your pregnant body is as new as your body was the first time he saw it naked, iyswim. He'd had sex before hadn't he? But he was still excited.

Give him a piece of your mind OP. If it's not special for him there's a deeper problem.

babyblabber · 12/01/2015 18:44

Our 3rd is due in a few weeks and DH hadn't felt it move once. I've asked him to a few times but he just says it freaks him out. I know from the other two that he is really not excited about the babies the way I am. To him it's only real when they are here. He is brilliant with the two we have, just not when they're still inside me!

There's a saying that says something sbout a mother becoming a mother the second she finds out she's pregnant but a man doesn't become a father until he holds his child (something along those lines!) and its defo true for some men.

weelamb123 · 12/01/2015 19:47

Men are just not as interested as us women at all. It all comes down to how they support you when ur in labour and once baby has arrived. Most men truly blossom then. Xxx

NickyEds · 12/01/2015 20:51

I agree with pp that, for men it's just not as intense as it is for us. OH wasn't interested in feeling my tummy and he thought that seeing the baby move was weird. He still says that the pudding in the cafe was the best bit of out 12 week scan day! He's a fantastic dad and was brilliant when I was giving birth.
That said..... he should make an effort if you've told him you're upset. Also anger is quite normal, as you say your hormones are all over the place, but I think in this case it's quite justified. Unlike my current rage (12 weeks pregnant) with OH which seems to come from nowhere.

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