Tips to help me breastfeed for longer second time round.

[bm1980]

Hi there,
I only managed to exclusively breast feed my now four year old son for two months before switching to combination feeding and eventually just formula feeding. I'm 23 weeks pregnant with my second and I am determined to breast feed for longer this time! Does anyone have any tips for sticking it out? I've spoken to friends and family about it and they've suggested using a dummy between feeds, co-sleeping (I was too scared to do this first time), and expressing more so my husband can help out at night. I hated expressing last time! I would really like to hear what people think about co-sleeping. Thanks in advance.

Well I am going completely against the grain here. I breastfed for ten months and found the following worked. I found from month 3 onwards it was much easier - no need for sterilising and the baby got much better and feeding more quickly and efficiently. Try and remember that in your sleep deprived state - was a real milestone.

No co - sleeping for me - far too worried about SIDS/had no desire to share my bed with my baby - have far too many friends with 3 year olds who still co sleep. I also very strongly believing in giving the baby one bottle a day from about 2 to 3 weeks old. This was expressed - every dream feed (about 11pm) I would feed the baby an expressed bottle and then express for the next night. This also meant I could actually go out. Again far too many friends could never leave their babies as they wouldn't take a bottle, even at 7 or 8 months old or they resorted to putting baby on a hunger strike. And also avoided cluster feeding - I just did very long feeds up to an hour - empty both breasts and firmly believed in waking up baby if they hadn't had a full feed. This meant my baby slept through the night pretty early and the biggest reason I stuck with breastfeeding. That and nipple shields and absolute bloody mindedness. I know this isn't the traditional mumsnet way but made for a much happier mum and baby.

What helped me at the start was knowing that I was building up my supply by feeding regularly, and also knowing that my baby's stomach was very tiny and so could only contain small amounts at a time.

I planned to express and give dd one bottle a day like you've said you might, but for me it has turned out to be easier just to bf. You may find that too once you get over the initial stage. If not, I know expressing is great for a lot of people so they can share night feeds.

Another thing that helped me was reading up on all the facts about bf. Good sites as well as mumsnet are the WHO site and kellymom (I think it is). Then I use that to make up for lack off support from real life people.

Lack of support*

Not much to add other than make sure you drink plenty of water. Breast milk is 88% water and if you think how much the baby is drinking all the time, you need to make sure you're replacing it to ensure you don't get dehydrated & to ensure a good supply. Good luck!

Google growth spurts, this will give you an idea of when to expect an increase in appetite. Cluster feeding is usual in the evening too (to boost yield for next day).
I don't know if co-sleeping helps, I didn't as I am a right fidget and the few times I did was so paranoid about squishing baby I didn't get any sleep.
Get husband to do the cooking and make extra / pack you a lunch for the next day.
Eat carbs, drink lots and rest especially for first 6 weeks. I found this time the hardest.
I found expressing difficult in early days and only really managed to express a decent amount once baby was sleeping through/waking up less at night and my boobies were still full after morning feed. However it's a good way of getting a break if you need one and don't want to use formula. I used to do a feed after dinner and leave baby with daddy while I crept upstairs for a snooze (this is especially useful if your baby has colic and screams all night .
Good luck, I am sure you and baby will be fine whatever happens.
X

Hello! I would suggest you don't introduce a dummy or express into a bottle until feeding and supply has been established. I would hazard saying this may take 8-12 weeks.
Also demand feeding always. Until baby is weaned to solids. Be prepared that it may not be a smooth journey, and it might even be very difficult but if you are determined, knowing this will help you stick it out.

I know what is recommended but anecdotally all my friends who introduced a bottle early had a lot less hassle than those that didn't. I also don't know of anyone IRL who ever had any nipple confusion with dummies. Whatever gets you through the next few days/weeks I reckon!

Yes i agree. Whatever gets you through, but I believe that what lead to me going full time bottle earlier than i would have liked, what the fact that my DD1 preferred the bottle. She never figured out how to latch properly so i had to use a nipple shield and she got attached to her dummy. With DD2 she want boob, boob, and only boob, which also has it's set backs. I cant get a break. None of my friends understand this when i am unable to go out (and frankly going out vs sleeping...sleeping wins hands down!) because i am up 3-4 times a night with miss boobalot. That being said, i love the convenience and I am really enjoying the time with her, and the tender experience it is.

Following on to my previous post, in the early days when I wasn't confident bf in public I would express and DD would have the odd bottle (mostly I avoided going out though!). She then became a bottle refuser after she'd been fine with it. The HV said it was normal for babies to show a preference at so many weeks and to start to refuse bottles. So it doesn't always matter when you introduce them. I found it a hassle anyway - it was much easier just to bf once I got more confident!

DD would never take a dummy - we did try in desperation in the early days but she wasn't interested (I'm glad now, as the really tough stage didn't last long and I know babies the same age - 19 months - who are still dependent on them).

We didn't co-sleep because we were worried about the SIDS risk. Again, I'm glad we didn't as I have friends with 3 year olds who still have to co-sleep or they won't sleep. DD right slept through in her own basket/crib/cotbed from an early age without needing to feed during the night.

Do what gets you through, remember it is all just a phase :)

And contrary to cuphat, that may have worked for her, but really there's nothing wrong with a 19m with a dummy, or a 3 year old co sleeper.

They will grow out of both habits, how many 7 year olds do you know that co-sleep or use a dummy? Mine both gave the dummy up at 2.5, voluntarily. It was invaluable until then. And co slept until they were old enough for their own bed, transferred easily.

Not feeding in the night right from the start is very unusual, and very lucky! It's unlikely to be anything you do, or everyone would do it. It's just the way your baby is :)

Find a local support group. I did. Feed DD until 12 weeks, didn't want to stop, but couldn't go on. The sheer relentlessness was a killer. I had zero support except from DH, but he was working all day, so never understand the full extent.

This time, I started going to my local support group when DS was 6 weeks and I found I was having similar issues. It's been amazing. I'm still feeding him at almost 9 months! I NEVER thought I would get this far. I've met some amazing people and receiving quality support and advice.

Excellent advice from Micah

I'd also say if you are feeling stressed - count to ten and start again, not easy when they are screaming, but sometimes you just need to re-adjust yourself, I found sometimes I got frustrated, but composed myself started again and it was easier to latch.

Co-sleeping defo helps!

I b/f both of mine until 10 months and intend to do the same again all being well.
Best of luck OP

Good luck op! I co slept with a co sleeper cot, found it great as only needed to get up for nappy changes.

I wouldn't use a dummy, as I think this may affect babies desire to feed? They do have growth spurts and cluster feeds, feed on demand, it will keep up your milk supply.

Full co sleeping didn't work for us (normal double bed, no spare bed for dh). But the nct bednest was fantastic. We hired it for 6 months. It was ideal.

I agree that different things work for everyone, I'm just sharing my experience of what worked for us and what I'll do again when DC2 arrives.

This isn't really the place but I'm just going by the advice from the health visitor re dummies. They said they're fine to start off but you should avoid after 12 months. One of the children I know who still has a dummy has speech delay and they can lead to problems with teeth too if used for too often and too long. It doesn't bother me if other people use them - as I said, we did try to get DD to have one - but having got by without last time I'm going to try to do the same when DC2 arrives (as in the long term it has made our lives easier).

I did feed through the night from the start (I had to to get DD's weight back up as my milk took a week to come in) but she was sleeping right though from a couple of months. If she ever smelt my milk (ie if she was in a sling) she would want feeding. She fed constantly during the day. There's no way co-sleeping would have worked for us. I sat up in bed with a feeding pillow to feed DD as we'd had it drummed into us how dangerous it was to co-sleep (excluding co-sleeping nests - they're fine).

I fed DS til he was 13 months and I only introduced a dummy at around 5 months - for in the car funnily enough - he went nuts in the car seat and it really helped!

Then one particular bad night when he wouldnt settle, he was probably 6 months ish, DH suggested we try the dummy and it was like magic!

He only ever has it for naps/nighttime though, never during the day time. I'm dreading having to take it away but won't worth til he's gone 2!

*worry I mean!

I am planning to do the same with my new baby - I'll only give dummy once feeding is very much established and only if all else fails!

See I think that's fine. I think it's fine if they have them during the day too. Just not when they constantly have them in, day and night, and cry unless they have them. I wished DD would take one as I was a human dummy for what seemed like ages at the time. But it does get better. It doesn't seem like it at the time but it really does get better.

If I took the dummy off mine they stuck in a thumb. I wasn't having a thumb habit to break as well so I relaxed about the dummy completely- they were going to suck something whatever I tried.

No speech delay or tooth issues (she's 10 now)

Honestly, listen to advice but there is no right way or wrong way. Every baby and mother is different and it's trial and error finding what works for you, and keeps you sane.

IF expressing is tough, and you hate it, don't. If expressing a bottle gives you a breather and helps, do. If you're happy co-sleeping, do. If you and your baby are happy with a cot, don't.

Do whatever makes breastfeeding easier. People can say what works for them, but it's a hard slog at the beginning. Everyone thinks their way is best, but find your own way :).

All I can really, really advise is don't weigh. And probably don't listen to your hv, most don't have bf knowledge. Find a bf group instead.

One useful thing was to think of the first three months as the "fourth trimester". You hear this sometimes and it just means you might as well realise the baby will still be constantly joined to your body in that time (as it has been for 9 months). Might help come to terms with constant feeding/cuddling!! Also breastfeed lying down and prepare your partner ahead of time. MY DH was so frustrated I wouldn't let him bottle feed the baby when I was tired we actually had quite a few rows. I fought him off though and ended up feeding DD for 1.5 years! Am optimistic about the second one and also my DH is now very clear who wears the trousers

I agree with that - I really don't want to weigh often this time. The HVs here are obsessed with it though. DD lost weight at the beginning due to my milk taking ages to come in, but within the normal range and they still wanted to weigh her far too regularly which led to extra stress for me. DD was 9lb 10 at birth so didn't go down to a low weight either. I learnt that babies take exactly what they need; they're very clever. Once she got back to her birth weight DD stayed on the 91st percentile line just by feeding on demand - I still find that amazing. So I'd like to be more relaxed about it this time, I just hope the HV leaves us alone...

You can refuse weighing :), and don't go to hv clinic.

I had a hv who actively discouraged weighing. He tried to bin the scales in clinic but it's ingrained in parents to take babies to be weighed.

The numbers are meaningless without clinical signs though :)

Can you? Without consequences? I'm a scaredy cat! That's good to know, thanks. I was made to feel like it wasn't an option. They even showed me their guidelines saying how often they like to weigh babies (which were different to what the red book advises).

Yes cuphat, you can :). It is your child and unless they have a clinical reason for weighing (and a court order to say it's in baby's best interests, probably), you can refuse any medical treatment.

My hv pitched up at 10 days, got through her list, then reluctantly said "I suppose we should weigh her". I said I'd go wake her and she brightened up and said "ooh you can refuse you know, leave her sleep". I said yes please and she was never weighed again :)