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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Feeling different about second pregnancy?

20 replies

KeepSmiling83 · 01/01/2015 17:57

I'm pregnant with DC2 and feeling very guilty. We had been trying for a few months and were/are very happy about it. But it is just so different from my first pregnancy. When I was pregnant with PFB every day we talked about the baby and discussed baby names, what we needed etc but this time we have barely sorted anything out yet (am almost 28 weeks).

Part of that is because we have most things that we need but also I've got a 3 year old this time round so each day is busy and time seems to be going so quickly. Also, we are going through a stressful time with my DH and his job/our relationship so a lot of my thoughts are taken up with that.

Is it normal to not spend as much time thinking/planning second time round or is it because my mind is preoccupied with other things? I'm feeling so guilty that I should be enjoying this more but instead I'm worrying about things. But don't know if its normal to spend less time when you're pregnant second time round? Were your pregnancies the same in terms of how excited you were, how much you thought about it?

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mum2benicole · 01/01/2015 18:17

Im in the same situation im 20wks5 either number 2 only my daughter is 16months old so I have no time at all. Relationship wise its a struggle im rather big this time round so dont really find the bedroom department barable ATM but I havnt even thought about anything that I need to buy which is basically everything as we are expecting a boy. Life's more demanding this time round I think im worried pushing my daughter out, buying new things and me and partner drifting. Think its all hormone relatedmore than anything but I deform see were u are coming from its hard for sure.
I try talking as much as I can about the ned baby more so to my daughter what more can we do xx

needaholidaynow · 01/01/2015 18:17

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Panzee · 01/01/2015 18:23

Yep, I know what you mean! I totally indulged myself and threw myself into my first pregnancy. Second time round real life got the way. :o

cleoteacher · 01/01/2015 18:36

Exactly the same. 34 weeks tomorrow and only just buying stuff and sorting nursery, whereas with dc1 we had a baby list and I was always on the net looking at things. However, this time round we have a lot less to buy.

I also found when I was smaller I would even kind of forget I was pregnant, especially when at work and would only think in the evening after putting ds to bed if I had felt baby kick or not. I did make a decision to try and stop and see if I had felt her move more in the day. Totally different pregnancy, last time I felt, talked about and marvelled and worried sometimes over every ache, pain and kick.

dingalong · 01/01/2015 18:42

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worserevived · 01/01/2015 18:48

First time round was very different, almost all consuming. I found it hard to think about anything other than the fact I was pregnant.

This time round the only consuming feeling I have is guilt. Guilt that neither dc will have my full attention. Guilt that I am too big, tired and uncomfortable to spend time playing with dd like I used to. She's even started to push me away and prefer DH, as he is more fun. That hurts like hell. I'm exhausted from lack of sleep as dd has had the usual winter bugs, and is going through a stage of having nightmares, so haven't the energy to enjoy this pregnancy. It's slowing me down. I rarely have any head space left over at the end of the day to even think about it. I never remember to take pre-natal vitamins (took them religiously last time), my diet is rubbish as I don't have time to cook. With dd I took care to eat really well to give her the best possible start. I am miserable and depressed, not excited and energised. If my first pregnancy had been like this there wouldn't be a number 2

I know it'll be worth it though.

pocketsized · 01/01/2015 18:51

I'm 28 weeks with no 1 and have only bought a pram so far (and that's only because I happened across a really good deal accidentally) we have no names chosen, the box room is still full of boxes and I haven't really thought about shopping yet! We had a very hectic Christmas and I don't think I had space in my head to think about baby things until now - however, the past few days I've started writing lists, thinking about what needs to be done but I feel like there's plenty of time yet! Baby is very much loved and wanted, but I can't bear the though of dragging out all the preparations iver months and months!

Original poster

KeepSmiling83 · 01/01/2015 19:08

I am so glad other people feel the same (not that you feel bad but just that I'm not strange in feeling this way!)

I also feel guilty that I can't play as much because I'm so tired and my DD watches much more tv as it gives me a rest. I have felt so bad that it's all my other worries that are stopping me from enjoying this pregnancy but maybe its just normal in second pregnancies!

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weelamb123 · 01/01/2015 19:22

When uv got kids already, 2nd, 3rd pregnancies don't have ur full attention, ur little mites do. I'm pregnant with dc2 and really unwell. Yes, we're excited but wont be buying anything or picking baby names until much later on. With dc1 I had nursery all done by 6 months and everything bought. Hospital bag was packed at 7 months. Don't think I'll be that organised this time round! Xx

AnythingNotEverything · 01/01/2015 19:31

I'm 15 weeks and keep forgetting! I have a 14 month old and an back at work four days. It's not surprising really. I think it'll be easier when there's more movement and a proper bump ... But I agree there's nothing like your first pregnancy!

NickyEds · 01/01/2015 20:12

I don't think about this pregnancy anywhere near as much as I did my first but I'm only 11 weeks so early days. I thought I'd lost my hand held maternity notes today because they were in the carrier bag I brought them home from the mw in and they'd got kicked under the bed.That would never have been allowed to happen with my first!
I've also been sicker and more tired with this one. I'm not sure if I'm actually worse or if I'm just coping with it less well, what with having a just-turned one year old to take care of.
With my first I knew every little detail- "oooh the baby has eye lashes now!!!" and I don't think it'll be like that this time. I don't really feel guilty about the new baby though. All of my guilt has been used up on DS- he too has been watching far too much telly whilst I throw up.

scratchandsniff · 01/01/2015 20:22

I'm 26 weeks with number two, whilst I'm happy to be having another I'm kind of 'meh' about pregnancy this time around. Don't feel organised at all, haven't embraced my bump as much this time around and feel guilty about rocking PFB's world. Also starting to shit myself about how I'll cope with baby and toddler, didn't cope well in the beginning with DS. DS1 is the apple of my eye, can't imagine having enough love leftover for number 2.

Pisghetti · 01/01/2015 20:22

I'm expecting my second as are a number of my friends. The difference is my DS is a teenager whereas they have toddlers. This pregnancy is like having a PFB all over again! My friends on the other hand are having a far harder time with toddlers who don't fully understand what's going on. I certainly don't think it is unusual to feel that way when the age gap is smaller.

Dogsmom · 01/01/2015 20:53

I'm another who is pregnant with my 2nd daughter (dd1 is almost 22 months), the pregnancy was planned but whereas dd1 took 3 years this one happened the first month and we only had sex once!

My first words were "oh shit" then when I looked at dd1 playing happily I burst into tears.

It took a few months for me to get past the guilt and remind myself how we'd decided it'd be lovely for dd to have a sibling and it's only now at 32 weeks that I'm starting to accept that there will be another baby here soon.

Luckily we're having another girl so all I have to do is fetch the baby things out of the loft, we've bought a cot off a friend which is standing flat packed in the bedroom, with dd1 the nursery was done by now, her clothes all hung in the wardrobe and my hospital bag packed.

It does worry me (a lot) that I wont love her as much, I can't imagine loving anyone as much as dd1, she was also an incredibly easy baby, a great sleeper from day 1 and never a moments trouble, I know I'll compare them and that's not fair on dd2.

Original poster

KeepSmiling83 · 01/01/2015 21:14

This is such a reassuring thread. I'm an only child and really worried about how I will love another baby as my DD is everything to me. Because there is only me my mum can't even reassure me that everything will be fine! I feel guilty about everything!

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NickyEds · 01/01/2015 21:21

scratchandsniff I am also shitting myself. My age gap will be 19 months and I'm just sort of hoping I'll cope better than I did when DS was born and love the baby as much as DS. It's a bit late to worry about it now though! People say second babies "just fit in" don't they???

Scotinoz · 01/01/2015 21:27

I'm 22 wks with a 12 month old. Being pregnant doesn't register until I'm in bed at night, don't talk about it much, don't really plan in buying anything new sans a second seat for the pram. Absolutely terrified I'm going to be a terrible Mother to baby 2, and not love it as much as my PFB

NickyEds · 01/01/2015 21:34

I suppose it is a bit of a worry that my main feeling about it is, as I say, shitting myself.

My sister had three very close together and says that you just get more love. After all, before I had him I don't think I really understood how much I'd love DS.

HappyAsASandboy · 02/01/2015 01:40

I have just had DC3 - he's three weeks old now :)

I spent most of this pregnancy forgetting was pregnant. To the extent that when people commented on it I'd be surprised they knew, because it had barely registered with me that I had an enormous bump! I packed my bag on the night before my planned section at 40+2.

I think it's mostly to do with being distracted by other DC and being generally more relaxed as you have a bit more faith that things will just work out. You don't have the time to be in complete wonder that an app has told you your unborn baby has grown itself some eyelashes, because you already have a DV with beautiful eyelashes you're actually admiring, and you kind of know that the pregnancy bit is just the run up to the truely exciting bit if loving your baby :) During the first pregnancy it is impossible to know just how exciting the actual baby is!

Dir what it's worth, my new baby doesn't know or care when I packed my bag or how often I thought about his kicks. He also doesn't get obsessed over 24 hours a day as I am busy with the other two DC. But he will have two older siblings, and a more relaxed and knowledgeable mum, and an avalanche of toys are ready and waiting! He'll get a different childhood to my first DC, but it'll work and will bring him benefits my first DC didn't have. Each of them gets a different set of advantages and disadvantages because of the circumstances (birth order, month of birth, other things going on etc) they are born in to, and there's nothing to be gained by feeling guilty about stuff I can't change.

I hope you have a smooth pregnancy and labour, before you can get on with enjoying your new DC :)

AnythingNotEverything · 02/01/2015 09:42

Pisghetti - this bump is my 3rd ... I have almost 14 years between DC1 and DC2, so I know exactly what you mean. DC2 was like a first baby again, but without the anxiety and with more experience (I didn't sweat the small stuff at all this time), but this bump is very much forgotten about most of the time.

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