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Original poster

Scared of losing freedom with a baby

10 replies

saltedcaramelicious · 27/12/2014 19:21

I am already mum to a 10yo, i was pregnant at 17 and had him at 18.
I was with his dad and we lasted til a couple of years ago. Since we split, ds splits his time 50/50 between us both. I'm now in my late 20s. And have a new partner. I've been broody since forever and we had loosely agreed to TTC in a few months, now this has been decided though, I am now petrified of the idea!.
I enjoy my weekends when ds is with his dad - myself and DP can go to the pub, lay around watching films, have lay-ins. It's not a lot but I am panicking about having a baby again and going back to the start. Also this time around family dynamics are different and I wouldn't really have anyone to ever babysit just for an evening. Having a baby so young meant I missed out on so so much, can only realise that now when I look back. I am enjoying the tiny windows of time I get to be just me.
I don't want to leave it a few years though as DP is a LOT older than me and so don't really have luxury of that option.
I'm scared!

OP posts:
ProcrastinaRemNunc · 27/12/2014 19:28

Is having a baby and absolute must, for both of you? I have a large family myself but also, a lot of friends who won't be having children. I don't envy their choice - I adore my dcs but I absolutely won't be having any more!

I too feel as though that era of my life is over and done with and I can completely relate to not wanting to return to the baby days.

All I can say is, your feelings are so valid! If you don't want to, you certainly don't have to and really, if you don't want to, you probably shouldn't!

Original poster
saltedcaramelicious · 27/12/2014 19:47

Not an absolute must, no. Dp is already a dad too. It was always a must for me, dp is really keen to have one but always said he wouldn't be devastated if we didn't and would be happy for it to be just us. It's really odd as it's always been me who's been mega broody, working when we could go for it. Once we'd kind of set a loose date for ttc these fears have popped up.

OP posts:
violetwellies · 27/12/2014 20:06

I found with a baby, once we'd got the hang of bfeeding that there was very little we couldn't do. He just came with me in the sling/car seat.

A toddler is a whole different ballgame. But by then you might have got used to the idea.

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 27/12/2014 20:11

So, its become real? I honestly think maybe waiting another six months, then floating the idea to yourself, might be a good idea? If you're still feeling fearful, maybe make a decision then about what to do?

Going ahead and TTC now might well result in a pregnancy which in turn casts out your fears. Equally, you might well come to feel resentment for the things which you are already aware you'll be giving up.

Personally, I'd want to be more sure that I was making the right decision before committing Smile

ProcrastinaRemNunc · 27/12/2014 20:11

So, its become real? I honestly think maybe waiting another six months, then floating the idea to yourself, might be a good idea? If you're still feeling fearful, maybe make a decision then about what to do?

Going ahead and TTC now might well result in a pregnancy which in turn casts out your fears. Equally, you might well come to feel resentment for the things which you are already aware you'll be giving up.

Personally, I'd want to be more sure that I was making the right decision before committing Smile

Viviennemary · 27/12/2014 20:15

I agree with waiting to see if you become more sure of a decision rather than going ahead if you are undecided. A baby is a real tie IMHO.

jimmycrackcornbutidontcare · 27/12/2014 20:29

I'm not sure I would have another one if I were you. There is no way I am returning to the baby stage once we're out of it. I had a pang of longing when you talked about your child free weekends. It really is a difficult decision and it will probably have a bigger impact on your life than any other decision could.

iniquity · 27/12/2014 22:03

I know how you feel. I had my son youngish. He is now six and I'm getting my freedom back.
It is too late for me as I'm already pregnant. I'm dreading the toddler phase again. But it won't last forever.
My family are quite long lived. My gos are in their nineties. The way I see it as that I will only be fertile for a short period really and I will hopefully touch wood have many non toddler years ahead of me so 4 more years out of 50 isn't too bad.

Original poster
saltedcaramelicious · 28/12/2014 15:58

I've spoken to my DP. Luckily he is v.understanding and says he would be just as happy without our own dc, as he would without them.
It doesn't help that ds can be quite difficult/stroppy/stubborn at the moment and during that time I just think "never again"!
Very odd, never thought I would feel this way but I do! I've done this responsible parenting lark since I was 17 and love the increasing periods of time I am getting to be me! Sounds so selfish but never really had that before.

OP posts:
ProcrastinaRemNunc · 28/12/2014 16:08

It's not selfish in the least! Kudos to you for thinking this through in real terms, rather than dreams. I'm glad your dp is completely supportive of your feelings. Good for you Smile

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