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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

When is it ok to tell people

43 replies

Leasa21 · 23/12/2014 09:20

Because I've been trying for a little while I'm so excite at the fact im pregnant. Only problem with being 4-5 weeks we don't want to tell people until we know things are okay. When do you usually tell other people you're expecting? x

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BatteryPoweredHen · 23/12/2014 15:55

It's ok to tell people whenever you like!

The risk of miscarriage falls quite dramatically between week 4 and 8, but then very little thereafter.

The risk is also very much reduced once you have seen a heartbeat, which usually happens at your first scan, which usually happens at 12 weeks.

It is the seeing of the heartbeat which indicates that the risk has dropped, not getting to 12 weeks per se.

I find this really informative and comforting

Rumplestrumpet · 23/12/2014 16:20

I second Hen's point on the misunderstanding of 12 weeks - it's only because we don't usually scan before 12 weeks in the UK that this is the date most people fix on.

Happy to be corrected by a professional who knows better, but from all I've seen and read 12 weeks isn't real a "key" date in any real sense. It's rather like the misconception that your fertility drops significantly at 35 - while in actual fact it gradually declines from mid-twenties onwards.

Essexgirlupnorth · 23/12/2014 16:41

It's up to you we told out parents, my sister and one of my close friends before I had my scan. Would have told my SIL but we hadn't seen her and my BIL was going through some stuff with his ex so we left it.
Told work just before my scan as my line manager wanted to see my appointment letter which had Obsteric Ultrasound written in large letters on it.
Everyone else got told after the scan. One of my friends actually asked how I had kept to quiet too long as she had told me when she found out and when she announced it at work half the department already knew. I didn't tell her because I didn't trust her to keep her mouth shut!

sianihedgehog · 23/12/2014 16:48

That link is BRILLIANT!! Thanks BatteryPoweredHen, I have been worrying myself sick as well since bleeding at 6 weeks but if my scan on Saturday is okay I think I could actually risk telling people.

Lunastarfish · 23/12/2014 17:34

I told work at 9 weeks as my booking appointment was on a date which would have been difficult to have off plus I had terrible morning sickness. My employer is very small so it's only 3 people. I'm 12 weeks tomorrow and have a scan so everyone else will find it tomorrow!!

Galaxy2014 · 23/12/2014 17:50

It's hard because you just want to burst with excitement!. I'm 5 -6 weeks but it all depends on how you feel about it. My best friend knows and a few girls from my work as I needed to talk to people.

Hubby & I are telling my mum and dad on Christmas day - they will be ecstatic and I can't wait to see their reaction. Other than that, that is it. I know if anything goes wrong (touch wood that doesn't happen) I know they will be their for support.

I guess the one thing I would say maybe tell someone you know whose had a baby. My best friend had twins and she's been guiding me on what to expect and given me a few books and a heart monitor so I can listen to the baby's heart beat from 14 weeks (I didn't even know those existed!) It's been nice to talk to someone whose gone through if that makes sense? Plus I think shes more excited than me lol.

Now just sit back and enjoy Christmas and wait for your scan. x

DustOffYourHighestHopes · 23/12/2014 18:39

I would only tell people who I would be happy to inform if I had a subsequent miscarriage.

ElleyBear13 · 23/12/2014 19:11

I think every life should be celebrated no matter how short, and its upto you to choose who you celebrate it with. :)

First time we told in-laws (live with them) at 4 weeks and work as i work in a pharmacy and wanted to be safe, m/c at 6w2d. Still had to tell parents/friends we were expecting and now we were miscarrying as i was on sick for three weeks and quite ill!

Currently pregnant again, so far told manager, two good friends and letting in-laws know on christmas day will be 5 weeks.

Its down to personal choice and whatever you feel comfortable with :)

Tranquilitybaby · 23/12/2014 20:00

Apart from my parents and children, we didn't tell anyone until after our nuchal scan and hatmony test results. Even now at 14 weeks I haven't made a formal announcement, just told close family and close friends, quite like it being our secret

IrnBruTheNoo · 23/12/2014 20:14

I would only say something if someone noticed a bump. I tend not to mention it at all, due to losses in the past.

Tranquilitybaby · 23/12/2014 20:17

Yes it changes everything doesn't it irn.

IrnBruTheNoo · 23/12/2014 20:29

In fact, I remember having DS2 and some people didn't even know I had been pregnant.

Monten · 23/12/2014 20:30

Yes it does. I got to 12 weeks and saw a perfectly formed baby with a heartbeat, only to discover he had Edwards syndrome and had to have a termination.

I had told quite a few people and felt like such a fool. But then those people (who were not just close friends but dear colleagues) were the ones who supported me through it so I was glad i did.

I totally understand why people have early scans (and I have done it myself) but there is no magic milestone that means everything is going to be okay. Tell people when you feel ready, it's an amazing thing to be celebrated. But completely agree with the poster above's advice - don't tell people you wouldn't want to tell is something went wrong.

(Hi tranquility so glad you're doing well!)

Tranquilitybaby · 23/12/2014 20:56

Hi monten how are you doing? It must've been so hard for you but glad you had support.

traceybaybee · 23/12/2014 21:55

I told my best friend the night i found out at about 4wks as she was on the phone while i was waiting for the results. Phoned babys dad straight after to tell him then told my parents and sisters a couple of days later. Havent done the whole fb announcement and dont know if ill bother tbh as why does fb need to know im pregnant lol

Monten · 23/12/2014 22:13

I'm fine thanks tranquility, no Christmas bfp but hopefully it won't be too much longer

Sorry op, I hope that didn't come across as really negative. I just meant there is no magic moment. Today you are pregnant and that's a wonderful thing! Tell whoever you want, at a time that's right for you. Congratulations

Tranquilitybaby · 23/12/2014 22:15

I hope the new year brings you happiness and good news Monten x

Tigercake · 23/12/2014 22:22

Whenever you want to tell people :-). Congratulations!

The risk of miscarriage does decrease as time goes on, and it may be worth considering not telling people v early who you wouldn't want to know if you had a miscarriage. Equally, if the worst were to happen, having told no-one can leave you isolated and unsupported. This was what I found the first time I had a miscarriage, so after that in my subsequent 5 pregnancies I told close supportive friends pretty much immediately. Sadly another one did end in miscarriage, but I was far far less alone, which made it easier to bear.

There is no right answer, and it is not wrong to tell people early if you want to.

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