Announce at Christmas or wait until scan?

[misseskimo]

Hi all, I have a dilemma atm that I just can't seem to settle on.

I am currently 9+1 and don't have my 12wk scan booked until 30th December. So far only mine and DH's bosses know about the pregnancy and only one of my sisters out of all our family even knew we were trying.

My dilemma is that we're due to see my family (parents, sisters and their DPs) on Boxing Day where my other sister who I only see twice a year is travelling 100 miles just for the two days over Christmas, and my grandparents who I also only see twice a year live a stone throw from my parents house, so would be a perfect time to tell everyone...
Then DH's family we usually see Christmas Day, but for a few reasons, this year it will probably be 27th we see them. His family we only see maybe twice a year, so again, good time to tell...

The thing is I'm super paranoid about telling anyone before my scan, as I'm worried after 4yrs of trying and being referred to fertility specialists, we've finally managed to conceive and I'm terrified it will jinx it! I will be just under 12wks if we tell on the above dates...

My other concern is that my family are renowned for not being able to keep a secret in anyway. And its not a case of asking them to be quiet until we announce, because from experience I know that my mother in particular will promise not to tell, then just say to people "oh but don't say anything, cause we're not supposed to tell anyone" she did it with our surprise engagement, and also with my sister's engagement too, so I have no doubt this news will spread like wildfire as soon as we leave...

If we don't say anything till after the scan, it may be we have to tell people over the phone instead as we won't get a chance to see them again for a long time.

The other thing I should mention is that due to illness I've already had scans at 6 and 8wks, both of which have come back good size sac/fetus and hb...

My mw thinks I'm being silly not telling anyone at this stage, and jokingly said its a very "first time parent" concern. My DH agrees and wants to tell everyone at Christmas, but understands my concerns. Do you think I'm being overly cautious, or should I wait? I've handmade some cards announcing the pregnancy for our family, and really wanted to be able to give them over and see their reactions when they open them rather than post. So can only do that if we announce "early" before scan I'm so confused!

If you've already had a few scans I'd tell.

We told at 10w with DS and we'd had 3 miscarriages prior (but 3 good scans with that pregnancy so we decided to tell)

I agree you've already had a couple of scans so you should touch wood fingers crossed be ok. I found out I had a MMC at my scan at 11.5 weeks, but if I had have been scanned at 8 weeks I would have known that. I'm now 8 weeks and am paying for a private scan at 10 weeks so that I can tell close family at Christmas. If I was in your situation I'd either pay for a private scan (£75 for me) or just tell them anyway. Good luck!

First of all, congratulations!

Secondly, and I know this is against what everyone is saying, I'd tell them before Xmas.

There's a huge chance people won't react the way you want them to, and your mum will definitely not keep it a secret. You won't be able to tell everyone at once, due to logistics, whereas if you do it on your own terms beforehand, you can.

The 12 week thing doesn't mean much to me due to personal experience, but I always think that, if things do go wrong, keeping everything secret because no one knows there was a pregnancy anyway would be much harder (this is just my guess really as I've never had anyone apart from DH remotely bothered when I miscarry).

Hope you have a lovely Xmas whatever you decide .

Thankyou all for your advice and congratulations.

I'm not keen on the private scan idea, firstly the cost, as where I live it's around £100 for one, DH's comment was that there isn't any point in getting one a few days before the NHS one if it's just for the sake of showing to family on Christmas Day which I do agree with if I'm being totally honest and that as we've already had two, that should be enough for now.

I wouldn't have to worry about the drinking thing, as all my family and friends know that I very rarely drink. I've never drunk wine/champagne/beer at all, and if I do drink it's usually a single cocktail or similar at a special event - Which again is rare.

I'm one of these people who doesn't acknowledge things until it's actually happening. Even my wedding day it didn't really hit me until about a week after I was married that it had actually happened, and I think that's what's happening now... It just hasn't sunk in in anyway, and I think that's why I'm struggling to be able to tell others. Even at the 8wk scan the sonographer told me I should be relieved everything is OK, but that I didn't look it. She was actually really worried about me cause she said she'd never had someone who just didn't react at all at being told everything seemed normal! She even printed me out a photo to take home telling me whenever I had doubts to look at the picture and remind myself lol I think she felt sorry for me DH was really relieved after the scan, but my instant reaction was to start counting down the days to the next scan. I had the same reaction from the Dr two days earlier, he told me I was quite visibly stressed out and had to start relaxing and not bottling things up as that in itself wouldn't be good for the baby.

Is that weird of me? Most people I know who are, or have recently been pregnant couldn't wait to tell anyone and everyone, and spoke/fb posted about their pregnancies non-stop. Some even as early as 7-8weeks! Whereas I just want to keep it to myself as long as possible!

I think whatever is right for you, is right for you.

What do you want to do about telling people?

Just sign your cards "misseskimo, mreskimo and bump"

I've handmade cards with lilac detailing and a little stork for each immediate family member with a semi-personalised message on the front, for example our 3 sisters have the message "only the best sisters get promoted to auntie" etc. Then inside just reads "Baby S expected 13th July 2015". Also made one just saying the expected date on the front for DH and I to keep as it's made using left over cards from our wedding invites (which I also made). Thought we could put a copy if the scan picture inside ours to keep as a wedding-baby keepsake as aren't doing the whole keep top of cake for christening thing (we tried, but after 4yrs trying I had to throw it away). Thought if I gave them at same time as xmas gifts people won't expect anything other than a Christmas card

Sorry misread your post tipsy doh I'm still uncertain, I think I will just tell at Christmas and hope everything is still ok. Its going to be so much easier all round, and as others have said, should give a nice Christmas surprise to everyone.

DH's sister has two DS so his family already have grandchildren etc. But my side I will be the first of 3 daughters to have a child, so I think they'll be more excitable. Though if it ends up being a DD then my SIL might still get excitable as she is very pink pink pink.

Having a 12 week scan also doesn't guarantee smooth pregnancy. The longer you wait to tell the lower the risks of miscarriage after announcing.

We had private scan at 8 weeks and I looked up stats online. Down to 2% risk of miscarriage after heartbeat at 8 weeks so we told everyone then.

Tell them when you see them, it will be lovely!