can anyone help? (and not judge)

[Rebecca1608]

I am 10 weeks pregnant and have known I was pregnant since around 5 weeks at 7 weeks I was sent to hospital as a suspected ectopic pregnancy. Turns out everything was ok and I'm having twins.

In the mean time I've had a couple of bleeds (with clots and pain) and been back and forth to hospital- everything still ok.

In the beginning I was so excited about the pregnancy but recently have realized that no-one has really been there for me my OH has been working shit hours and not made any midwife appointments or emergency trips to hospital, my own family have a lot going on and my friends and work colleagues reckon I'm doing "amazing" and I'm "so strong" which I don't particularly think I am.

I'm stressed in work, I feel on my own and (I'm not sure if it makes sense) but I feel.... Absolutely nothing which is awful.

I know I'll be a good mum and will love the children unconditionally and I need to stop being selfish and there's people worse off than me etc but I just need someone there for me and having a bit of a panic.

Antenatal Depression is more common than you may think. The link will take you to the NHS choices webpage.

Being pregnant is overwhelming. Especially a first pregnancy. Especially with twins. Speak to your doctor about how you are feeling.

Do you have any good friends you can be honest with? Have you opened up to your partner honestly? I think if people are saying you're amazing and strong- undoubtedly you are, I promise you -they're probably not seeing anything to suggest you are struggling. Is there anybody you trust enough to be open with? You can say what you like on here and I guarantee that not only with many of us have been there, but also we are happy to listen.

You have nothing to connect with apart from a lot of worry atm. So not only does it probably not seem real, you'll be in shock from the twins news and quite often you find that as a defence mechanism you find yourself refusing to feel attached to the pregnancy which has proven difficult so far. A sort of numbness.

While all of this can be utterly normal, if you feel it's taking over or you are worried, your midwife should be the first port of call. There is NO shame in how you are feeling.

Thanks for your replies, I haven't really spoken to him. Everything's just hit me like a ton of shit. He's carrying on like everything's fine, which to him it is because I've not said anything and I feel like I'm being a little distant because he's not noticed I'm feeling sad. Talking about feelings doesn't come easy to me but I will have to say something.

First if all, congratulations!!!
And second us that your friends are right. You ARE amazing and strong even if you don't feel like it.

I don't think your reaction us that surprising. Heck in the space of 5 weeks you have learnt that you are pg, that you are expecting twins, you've had a few scares, from the ectopic to the bleeds.
I'm not surprised you feel down atm.

IMO the feeling nothing (I'm taking you mean feel nothing for the babies) is normal in these circumstances. You need to give yourself to get your head around all that and settle down.

Re AND yes it does exist. I had it but didn't realise until dc was born and the cloud lifted do can't really tell you how it felt. But it is something you might want to check if this feeling 'down' stays.

Re your DH, I would actually make sure NOW that you need support. Not the least because you will do when the babies will be here and it's not a bad idea he already gets in his mind he us involved too.

Pregnancy can be hard for women...

Many women have mixed responses to pregnancy and even those who have planned to have children can have feelings of doubt and feel over whelmed.
Pregnancy can also make women feel more stressed out as they start to worry about other things, other people don't think about this though as they see what you are showing and not how your actually thinking.

When I first found out I was pregnant (im 38+5 now), I spent the first few months feeling overwhelmed, like I was just getting in the way and so lonely... And In honesty I go through bouts of it now... Like you my OH works long shitty hours... But there is so much support for you out there. The other mums here, your midwife, your gp and although they seem to have lots going on, im sure your family will support you, but you are anything but alone!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! x

Oh yes please talk to him.

About how you feel now. About how you felt with all the scares. About how you need support because actually you aren't feeling so strong.

I will have a talk with my partner and atleast I will get things off my chest I think I'll just end up crying though. I do have a best friend who is amazing with everything but she May not be able to have children herself so don't feel as though I should say anything. The person I need to speak to is my OH as numb is exactly how I'm feeling!

Hi Rebecca,

You are completely normal - remember a single pregnancy sends your hormones haywire...double trouble with twins. When I was pregnant with twins I turned into an utter fruit loop. DH said I was possessed. Totally irrational, really anxious and petrified of having twins. By week 16 I settled down and was back to me with a healthy perspective.

I got some good support on here so keep coming back

Awww thankyou all so much. I just didn't want to seem selfish with my post when so many others are having a really shit time. I'm glad that there are others out there that have felt the same as me as I was beginning to wonder if I was normal.
It's just been so emotional with everything finding out I was pregnant... Amazing.
Suspected ectopic... Heartbreaking. Twins... Amazing.... Bleeding clots and pain.... Worrying. Now I'm tired and feel emotionless x

Rebecca im 25 weeks pregnant with a very much planned and wanted baby but sometimes it all feels very overwhelming.

I had a mmc in April and with this baby I spent the first 12 weeks in a permanent state of panic, and some days I just want to get off the pregnancy wheel, its endless appointments and scans and its just exhausting and frightening sometimes.

Talk to your DP even if you do just cry, its ok to feel the way you do, the first trimester is tough even when you havent had the stress of an ectopic scare, your hormones are all over the place, the tiredness is unbearable and makes the smallest things seem huge, ive found the second trimester so much easier but do remember finding the first one so tough.

I'll definitely speak to him. All the messages have encouraged me to do so. I feel a little less selfish now too thankyou, I really hope this does pass because I know I will love the kids when they're here I just need support so I can enjoy my pregnancy and not feel so alone and like I've got the whole world on my shoulders!

If I was your amazing friend, regardless of my own situation I would want you to speak to me. That's what friends are for & it may help her open up to you as time goes by.

I think many women don't necessarily feel an amazing bond with their baby until they actually arrive in the world, or even a bit afterwards. I'm probably one of those. I love my 3yr old to bits, not just cos he's my kid, but because he is a funny, cheerful, lively, likeable chap - we've got to know each other over time and I like him.

Pg & motherhood is overwhelming at all sorts of different points. Welcome to the roller coaster! Remember to give yourself a break & talk to this euphuism love & you will be fine x x

That last bit should've read 'talk to those you love'

Thanks for all the support. I'm sure I'll feel loads better if I start opening up and living life again as I don't suffer any symptoms currently and health wise I feel better than I have in weeks though I'm getting invited everywhere for meals etc. I just stay in my shell and not feeling the bubbly outgoing personality I usually am. X

Well, I had a talk with my OH last night and he was very comforting. He was in a bit of shock as to how I felt as I'd "put on such a brave face" he's agreed that unfortunately he's not been there for me much thanks to work but will take time off in future no matter what and apologized. I feel loads better for talking to him and felt closer to him than I had in a while.

:) :)

Enjoy your pregnancy!

It's normal that you feel that way when you are pregnant, I feel that also when I got pregnant with my daughter, I feel like I'm alone, Don't worry too much, just enjoy your pregnancy, your so lucky that you are having twins.
Congratulations and Good luck on your delivery, don't stress yourself too much.

I found both pregnancies incredibly tough. And looked at other woman who just seemed to breeze through and feel very jealous.

Look after yourself. Speak to your midwife.

Im glad your DP was supportive

Thanks everyone, much better today and I'm going to try and relax now and just try to enjoy my pregnancy.