Mental health support for OCD/anxiety whilst pregnant?

[WorryWurta]

So since I have been pregnant (am due in March) I've been feeling really anxious, it started out quite general but in the last month or so has gotten really bad. I'm fixated on worrying about catching/having caught hepatitis C. I've never done any of the usual risk factors, but I spend most evenings in hysterics worrying about possible ways I might have contracted it. For example:

• sitting on a toilet seat (too wobbly to hover anymore)
• helping a friend into a trial wedding dress with a (not bleeding) papercut on my finger
• having my eyebrows threaded at superdrug
• putting my hand in a puddle in London
• standing next to a man in town who looked a bit 'druggy'

It's starting to have an enormous affect on my life. I had to stop volunteering at the foodbank because it's made me really predjudiced/paranoid if we have people in who are IV drug users (I know that makes me a terrible person). I spend most evenings in tears and hysterics, I can't bare anyone talking about the pregnancy or the baby because I'm so certain I'm going to give it a terrible disease - when my husband and his friend painted the nursery I didn't even want to look I was so worried/ashamed. I've had problems eating since I became pregnant due to different paranoia's about diseases, and sometimes I don't make lunch or get a drink because all of the hand/surface washing I have to do plus just the worry of preparing food doesn't feel worth it. My parents gave me money to pay privately to see a counsellor because of the wait for counselling on the NHS. She is helping slowly but as time ticks on I don't seem to be getting better quickly enough. I spoke to the midwife and she said they wouldn't test me for hepatitis C because I'm not in an at risk group. I'm thinking of paying privately for a test but that scares me because I can't really afford it, I'm worried I'd have to keep going back to be retested, and I'm worried about the cleanliness of going to an unfamiliar private STD clinic to get tested. I feel so worried and ashamed all the time, I just don't know where to go from here. My husband is frightened to leave me alone and he barely gets any sleep himself because he is always cleaning to try to reassure me that things are safe, or talking me down when I get hysterical. I just want to know the baby is alright and can't help feeling I've been really careless and put it at risk.

Hi worrywurta, looks like you're getting a lot of support on this thread. I had to comment though because I had the same level of anxiety during my first pregnancy - I was terrified of getting an illness that would harm my baby and I was endlessly washing my hands and everything around me. I would not relax and enjoy the pregnancy because I was convinced something would happen to my baby. I spoke to my GP and was referred to counselling but this seemed to take forever to come through. In the meantime I bought a couple of books about CBT and they actually really helped to see the way my brain was working and retrain it.

I was 'catastrophising' meaning I was basically making every thought snowball and convincing myself that there was a horrible outcome. I was also behaving very OCD and would say to myself things like (eg.) "if I don't walk over and touch that wall my baby will die" - so, although I was doing it very secretly, I was behaving very oddly. My poor DH really took the brunt of it.

The two things that helped were the CBT books and meeting my antenatal group and seeing then very relaxed. I never actually received the counselling in the end and for the final 4 weeks or so was much more relaxed and it was like id been set free.

Just about due another (any day now l) and whilst I have had my moments on the whole I've been a lot more relaxed.

Op you are suffering from health anxiety - as a fellow sufferer I know exactly what kind of dark place you are in right now. Your GP will hopefully help but you sound like your rational side understands you don't really need a test for hepatitis which is a good start. I had a rough year last year and was convinced for 6 months that I had throat cancer. Totally convinced to the point I saw two different ENT doctor's and had various tests. In the end CBT was what helped me. It helped me firstly understand that I had anxiety not the disease I was convinced I had and then organise my thought processes in a way that allowed me to be more rational. Eventually I came through it and when the anxiety starts niggling now I can put the negative thoughts away and deal with them more rationally. It took 8 sessions and it wasn't easy, I had to really do all the homework that comes with the therapy sessions but it was so worth it. There is a long wait on the NHS (I went private) but speak to your GP as you are pregnant you may get this help quickly. Health anxiety is very similar to OCD - the thoughts are obsessive and take over every waking hour, it's exhausting. Good luck I hope it all gets sorted. It may sound a bit far out but once I'd started CBT mindfullness meditation really helped me too.

Hi WorryWurta, I don't have much that's helpful to add but just wanted to send you some support as I too could have written some of your posts. I almost cried reading some of what you have written. I am 37 weeks pregnant now and having suffered with anxiety (especially health anxiety) and OCD in the past, I found it all kicked off hugely when I got pregnant. I even considered not continuing with the pregnancy because I was so convinced that I would contract something that would harm the baby. My hands were raw with washing, I was hardly eating, and my husband was desperately worried about me.

I had some CBT and hypnotherapy and I don't know whether it was that (I didn't feel like it was having any effect at the time) or the change in hormones as the weeks went on, but I found myself hugely better by around 20 weeks. I still have wobbles, and I'm sure there are more hard times to come, but I just wanted to say that I've been exactly where you are. It's the worst thing I've ever experienced, but it really did get better. You will not feel like this for ever, even if it feels like it now.

Thanks everyone for your words of support and for sharing your experiences - it's a relief to know I'm not alone. Also I'd never heard of 'health anxiety' so that's good to know! Funny a couple of people mentioned but yes my hands are pretty sore from washing. I thought I had it under control by liberal application of body shop hemp hand cream but yesterday a little crack opened up. I'm devastated because I was out on a home visit in a not-so-clean house when I noticed (I work for a community outreach service for vulnerable adults) and then by a bizarre series of circumstances ended up needing to use the counter-top pen in a garage. Needless to say last night and this morning were not very good although I calmed down enough to do this afternoon at work. When I feel like I do now I honestly don't know how I will get through the next 3 months without contracting the disease (I don't even like to say it if I can avoid it). My husband is so supportive but in the last few days even he now just cries or shouts when I get upset because he is so frustrated so I'm scared to talk to him about things, he thinks I'm not trying to get better. I wanted us both so much to enjoy the pregnancy after everything we went through to get here but now I just feel like I'm living a nightmare and I don't see any kind of future for me and the baby.

Hi sorry to hear you are going through this. I have ocd, emetephobia and health anxiety as well so understand what you are going through. I have a feeling I responded to one of your previous posts about cat poo? Anyway, I can imagine how frustrating it must be for someone who hasn't gone through it to deal with the constant need for reassurance peops like us need. Thankfully I also have a lovely hubby who is very patient with me! Am pleased to say after lots of CBT I am a lot better than I used to be and most of time can recognise what is a real risk and what is my anxiety or ocd, but still have the odd blip! I hope you get some proper treatment soon but in the meantime try to recognise that you are highly unlikely to contract hep c and that you will do everything within your control not to get it but that worrying about it all the time will do nothing to stop you getting it and is a waste of time that is ruining your pregnancy. By the end of your pregnancy you very very likely will not have contracted it and you will think back about all the stress you put yourself through for absolutely no REAL reason and realise that it was for nothing. Maybe everytime you start to have these worries you could try and do something nice baby related instead to try and distract you. I know this is all prob not very helpful advice as I know your thoughts are very intrusive but that is all they are just thoughts so let them come but try and let them go again. I hope you get some good professional help soon and start to feel better

Hi I was like this when pg, the gp and counselling were no help, I got help via consultant who referred me to psychiatrist and I paid to see a clin psych privately. I tool Prozac from30 weeks too

Hi ladyflower, I really miss the cat poo days! Thanks for the advice, I'm afraid I can't face anything baby related at the moment, it just brings up too much guilt and worry, most of the time I try to pretend I'm not pregnant (harder now I'm bigger). I swapped sides of the bed with DH cos I put all our scan photos up on my side in the early days but now I can't bear to look at them (but he won't let me take them down).

TheVioletTinsel thank you - I'm glad in a way that you told me counselling wasn't helpful only in that everyone keeps telling me that's what I need and I don't understand why it isn't working for me.

Hi worry try plastering moisturiser on your hands at night and then wearing cotton gloves over it whilst you're asleep. That works well for me when my hands are sore.

The appropriate treatment for ocd is cbt and/or meds. I got to a point where I was so depressed I needed meds for the cbt to work. The cbt isn't an immediate fix but does bring lasting benefits. I found that it was best not to seek reassurance from my dh as that not only was hard for him but also didn't help me deal with the anxiety.

I just thought id post the outcome in case anyone in my situation finds this thread in the future! I had my appointment with the mental health access team today and they're going to get a worker to come out and work with me in my own home, who will hopefully help me face the practical issues, and they will stay involved for a little while after the birth. I wouldn't have got the appt if I hadn't pushed the GP and midwives, so thanks everyone who pushed me to push them!

Hi WorryWurta. Just wanted to say I had prenatal OCD last year. It was utter hell. Particularly as it's often totally misunderstood. But I got therapy and just about got through it. I just wanted to post about an organisation set up to help. I found speaking to Diana Wilson incredibly helpful. It may help you or others who search the thread in the future. Feel free to PM me

www.maternalocd.org/index.php

How was the health of your baby? I'm 27 weeks and suffering bad from anxiety and ocd and so nervous about the effects it will have on baby! Please updates?

Hi Piper. Can see you have just posted on two very old threads. I think you might get more responses if you started your own thread. So sorry it's all so tough for you.