Has anyone overcome severe pregnancy phobia?

[Ladypug]

Hi all,

I'm a new user who is TTC but I am terrified of pregnancy. Unlike many others not as scared of the birth (obviously scared but "normal" fear). The thought of pregnancy is freaking me out day and night. I really want to be a mum and I am in a loving relationship but I just don't think I can face having something inside of me for 9 months, I feel trapped at the thought of it.

I understand I'm tokophobic and I've done lots of research around it with many people aborting due to the fear. I'm determined not to do that even though I understand why that happens as the fear is so intense (and I'm not even pregnant yet!) Is there anyone out there who felt the same and overcame their fear?

I really need to hear a positive story!

Thank you,

LP x

Hey OP,
I used to be terrified of pregnancy. I'm now 17+2, an having quite allot of therapy has helped. I'm still in therapy, and it's been very useful throughout the pregnancy so far. Having support an being able to explore my (quite complex and contradictory) fears and disgusts has helped me start to enjoy the pregnancy.

I was never phobic and certai y not beforehand but with each of my 3 pregnancies I would wake up in the night with panic attacks about the fact that something was growin inside me and would eventually squash me from the inside and stop me breathing! The only way I could deal with it woul be to go outside into the fresh air then read a book or watch TV to distract me log enough to fall asleep.

Have you considered counselling before TTC? It seems a bit unwise to put yourself into a position which will trigger your phobia without having some support in place.

Hi LP

I had a horrendous phobia of pregnancy, like you I couldn't imagine something growing inside me and my phobia was so bad it would make me feel physically sick and bring on panic attacks. After being with my husband for a few years I realised I did want a family, it was the phobia holding me back, so I spoke to my GP who referred me for cognitive behavioural therapy. After about 12 weeks of CBT I felt completely different and able to cope with being pregnant, it was a straightforward process but it did take dedication, for example completing exercises outside of the scheduled sessions.

I am now 29 weeks pregnant! If someone had told me a few years ago that I would be having a baby I wouldn't have believed it but CBT really worked for me.

Good luck with overcoming your fear

X

Hi all,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, a friend told me I would meet a good network on here so obviously she was right! I probably should add I'm in therapy and have been for 18 months and I've recently started CBT but for phobia of blood and fainting (yeah I'm a bit complex so a few fears are crossing over).

Your messages are making me feel like maybe I can do it! When I googled it I found lots of abortion stories. My husband thinks I can do it but he always believes the best in me you know? I'm a very phobic flier also (same feeling) and he says I'm worst at the airport and take-off but when I'm up above the clouds I actually quite enjoy it - bethinks the same will happen with pregnancy. I truly hope so.

LP x

I had 3 babies and although to doesn't sound like I was anywhere nearly as bad as you and others I did it 3 times as for me that joy of meeting your child for the first time far outweighed the panic attacks and sleepless nights!
I now have the opposite problem as have the coil in but everyte me I read anything about it and problems people have with it I panic and feel like I want to rip it out! So for me I think it's the fact that here's something 'foreign' inside me!

Hi Brie,

Yes I can totally relate to that as I feel like that and I'm not even pregnant yet - just feel a bit freaked out by it and think I will "want it out" which of course logically I don't but I hate that it grows inside me and I can't get away from it! God I sound mental but good to talk to people about it x

Feeling really freaked out by it all today and wondered if there is anyone else who has overcome this... :-(

Hi LP,

I'm sorry you're feeling scared today. Are you still ttc? My experience is different because I started ttc and became pregnant in 2011 fully believe it would be the best thing ever. Almost immediately after become pregnant, despite not having any unpleasant symptoms or sickness and a straightforward pregnancy, I hated it. Absolutely hated being pregnant, I felt I had a parasite, my body wasn't my own, I couldn't wait to have the baby out of me. This reaction shocked me so much because I had wanted to be pregnant for so long. However, despite feeling like thins, I did manage to get through the pregnancy and now have a beautiful dd and am actually pregnant again, so it didn't put me off. I still don't like the feeling of being pregnant but at least this time I got pregnant expecting to hate it so I wasn't shocked at my feelings.

My coping mechanism were to focus on none pregnancy related aspects of becoming a parent, almost as though I wasn't pregnant at all and I was just preparing for tha spontaneous arrival of my baby. I should say, that was just something that worked for me and it wasn't recommended by a health specialist and I suppose could actually be a form of denial but it worked for me. I would think of how it would be after the pregnancy rather than the pregnacy if that makes sense.

Also, actually being pregnant fostered a sense of responsibility for this baby in me, even though I didn't like having the baby inside of me I was conscious that it was my responsibility to keep baby safe until she was ready to come out. Somehow, these two thoughts were seperate in my mind so I could just focus on keeping baby safe without associating with my own personal emotional discomfort.

Most importantly, and this is more true of this second pregnancy, I never felt guilty for feeling this way because it doesn't mean I don't want or love my baby it just means I don't like being pregnant.

I know my experience is very different because I didn't had a phobia of pregnacy just a immense psychological dislike of being pregnant so it's not quite the same. Deciding to become pregnant a second time was hard and I was very scared of doing it again but at the same time I was prepared for how I would feel.

I hope that helps a little. I think the important thing to remember is once you are pregnant if you can seperate your feeling towards your baby from your feeling towards/about your body it may make it easier to cope with it. Also don't feel guilty about feeling this way.

Hi ILiveonabuildsite,

Thank you so much for your response, it's made me feel loads better! I am still TTC but at a very slow pace. I just feel so overwhelmed by it like I can't cope. I just have such a fear and when I think about it I feel "trapped" - I know that sounds silly but it's the same feeling I get on a plane (like claustrophobia - not being able to get it out of my body. Husband keeps saying the fear might disappear once I get pregnant but I've heard stories of women who have panic attacks for the entire pregnancy and even at the moment TTC I lie awake working myself into a state for nights on end afterwards in fear!

I really hope I can pull myself together as I absolutely hate being this way and I really really want to be strong enough to handle it! Thank you for your support.

LP X

Hi LP,

You sound like you're doing all the right things imo. The more you understand your feelings the better equipped you will be to cope with then I think.

If this helps at all (and other than dh no one knows this about me) when I reached 27 weeks with my first pregnancy I became aware that the survival chances of a baby born at this stage were suddenly much higher than before and I had a full out meltdown at dh about wanting baby out now because it no longer needed to be inside of me to survive. I know this is so wrong and absurd because premature babies can have so many complications but my mind wasn't seeing it like that at the time. I remember crying and shouting that they could put her in an incubator to finish growing. I'm mortified now about having said that and dh was so good and supportive. It's like I had lost my anchor which was that baby was reliant on me to survive and suddenly I struggled to separate the feeling of being invaded with the responsibility I had towards my child. At 28 weeks I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes and suddenly the responsibility was back, I became worried for the well being of my baby and it made much easier to cope. In a roundabout sort of way having gd was good for me although the possibility of complications was bad for my baby so that was a bit conflicting.

I saw your reply so wanted to add this little bit, off to bed now so won't check thread again tonight but it's on my watch list so will keep popping back. Also feel free to pm me if you want, at any point if your feeling anxious about it. I'm no expert obviously but I get the feeling trapped/ invaded feeling you talked about.

Thanks so much ILOABS, it is really helping me hear other peoples stories, especially knowing that people are having meltdowns but getting through them xxx

ps congrats on getting pregnant again!

Still scared :-( starting to doubt I have the courage to go through with it and become a mother. I know I only have to overcome myself but I'm just so worked up about it constantly and so terrified of having a proper meltdown and not being able to "go back" or "get out" x

Hi LP,

What is your ttc situation at the moment, are you and your partner actually trying or are you thinking of starting ttc? Because I would say definitely keep up the good work you are doing with counselling and if you are not actually ttc now then try to take it one day at the time and only worry about what is going on now rather than work yourself up about future possibility. If you are both still sure that pregnancy is something you want then maybe give yourself a date for starting ttc in the future and see how you cope emotionally and physically as the date gets closer. This might give you a better idea of how you are doing with managing your phobia. Make sure to mention to mention in counselling how the fear is returning/growing and to stay open with your dh and to keep him informed on how you are feeling.

Ultimately you have to do what is right for you if you are struggling too much with your fears at the moment give yourself a break and put it out of your plans for now. Keep coming back on here and talk about it and make sure you keep your support network with you and don't force yourself to go through the emotions alone. Hope you feel better soon.

Hi ILOABS,

We are TTC but very casually e.g. I don't know when I'm ovulating, don't have a regular cycle and don't really have a clue. We're just carrying on our normal sex life but without the pill. I literally go from intense fear to excitement then fear then excitement but the fear is so horrid when it happens.

H2B says when it happens he thinks I will handle it better than I am right now but what if I don't? I know I will regret this if I don't do it but I just can't see myself getting a grip on the fear which is debilitating when it strikes.

x

Hi all,

Just a little update. I'm pregnant! I'm up and down (only one major meltdown is good) but we only found out yesterday. Let's hope I can do this!!!

Xx

I'm the same and also have found out I'm pregnant. I have a severe sick phobia, parasite phobia and I dread the thought of tearing to my bumhole in child birth! But do you know what? I'm actually excited :) I think the fact I haven't had morning sickness may have helped...

Message me if you want to compare notes ;)

Glad to know I'm not alone! Thanks AuntieDee :-) X

Congratulations Ladypug I was thinking about you the other day and wondered how you were getting on. So happy to hear you are pregnant. I wish you all the best, don't worry if you have melt downs and ups and downs just take every one as they come and don't best yourself about it. You'll be great!

Thanks ILive - I wanted to update here in case you were still following. Xxx