Want help.. But worried if I ask people will think I can't cope

[Firstpregnancy2014]

Basically I'm 22, pregnant with first baby,36 weeks.
3 months ago my grandma fell, banged her head and suddenly died. I am heartbroken.
18 hours later my mum commited suicide. She was my rock. She was everything. I've spent 3 months throwing myself into everything, working hard, seeing friends, sorting baby stuff.
And now I just keep finding myself crying. I miss them so much and I need my mum right now. I'm dreading seeing DP mum hold my baby. I'm dreading my mum not being there. The only person I have to ask fri advice is mumsnet

Basically I want to see someone and get it all out. Talk to a counsellor. However I'm worried that if I see someone this late in pregnancy it might come up as a massive red flag and people may think I won't be able to cope with the baby.. Does anyone have any experience of this? Or how I'd go about seeing someone ? I'm not in a position to pay someone 30/40 an hour :(

Oh, first what an awful time you have had.

I don't have this exact situation, but I have had some counselling in the past for bereavement issues, and I told the midwife about it when I got pregnant. They were hugely understanding and supportive, and said that it was good that I had reached out for support rather than suffered in silence and risked things getting worse.

I'm not surprised you are finding things difficult with so many emotional things going on, and I can't imagine anyone would blame you at all if you feel the need to talk things through with someone.

I accessed the help I got before by approaching my GP, they were wonderful, and treated the whole thing very sensitively.

Pleas do speak to your GP, or your midwife if you are ore comfortable speaking with them, it would be so much better for you to get some support now rather than continue feeling so low.

Xx

My heart goes out to you, it sounds like you've had a really tough time.

I'm now 36 weeks and having cbt for anxiety and depression. I went to my gp, explained the bad things that i was going through and asked to be referred for counselling. All through the nhs so no cost.

I've not had any negative reactions from anyone about my seeking help. Rather I think it's been viewed as a good thing that I knew I needed help and was asking for it. Definitely no judgement about my fitness to be a mother by anyone.

I would encourage you to go to your gp and ask for a referral. It's a positive thing to do for both you and baby and there's no shame in admitting that things are hard and you need some support. I hope this helps and you find peace. X

Never been in your position but a lot of churches of free bereavement counciling if that would be any use you don't have to be religious to use as far as I know.
Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy it's always best to ask for help then try and put on a front so people think you can cope x

Hi what an awful time your having . I have had post natal depression and no one ever thought about taking my baby from me in . I spoke to my mw as ive being feeling up and down, I am25+3 and she said they had someone I could talk toand provide a service , she was very supportive and listened . I dont think its a bad thing that they know about how your feeling as it will allow them to be more supportive . If speaking to someone helps you have a better time of things when your baby comes along great . Take care x

Asking for help now will mean you're in a much better position emotionally to be what your baby needs you to be. There won't be red flags - even women with mental illnesses are allowed to have babies in fact, I think you'll find that asking for help will open up a wealth of support your midwife can offer you. For example, due to my own MH issues I'll be receiving extended support from the community midwives after I give birth, just to make sure I'm coping. They also check in with me at every appointment to check my mood and are really hot on offering help if I feel I'm dipping. I hope you get some assistance, be it counselling or ADs or whatever it is that will help you most. Never be ashamed or afraid to ask for help.