Sex at 22 weeks! Sorry major tmi alert!

[bambi07]

Hi all, need some advice.

Me and my partner have struggled with the idea of having sex after about 12 weeks before then my sex drive was through the roof but even very early on he found the idea of me carrying his child a huge turn off. Now I have quite a big bump and have been feeling movements from about 17 weeks, he has even felt some prods too.

I am worried about him looking elsewhere, he shows no interest in me anymore and we have always had a very physical relationship, when I get undressed he always says things such as 'wow look at your big belly', 'wow your thighs are getting huge'. Dont get me wrong he isnt trying to be offensive he is just finding the changes to my body strange.

The tmi part:
I have tried to use other ways of being intimate with him, other than just sex, but he doesnt even want to do those things with me as he says its too strange. I miss having a physical relationship with him and recently we found out one of our close friends cheated on his pregnant girlfriend and it has, rationally or not, made me so anxious that this could happen to us. He is very attractive and a huge flirt, which has never bothered me but now if I see him being flirty with anyone it makes me want to cry.

I wanted to know if there are any suggestions to either have a more intimate relationship or ways for me to be less insecure. He does assure me he doesnt want anyone else and I have never been worried about him looking elsewhere before but it is getting me down now.

How have others found sex during pregnancy?

I'm 25 weeks and we have only had sex once, partly because it freaked us both out abit and partly because of medical reasons with the pregnancy.

I've never thought he would look elsewhere but I do miss him and make sure that we have plenty of time to cuddle up on the sofa together and generally just spend some nice time eating out and enjoying each other's company. It's not really that long to go now and I figure it will be worth it in the end. It can be strange for men to see these changes but it's also the most magical thing in the world!!

Have you spoken to him about how you feel? X

With my first pregnancy I was really quite sexually aggressive and from about 16 weeks demanded sex on a regular basis up until I was too huge to be bothered. My poor dogged partner managed to rise to the challenge thankfully and went along with it! I was insisting on anal sex and all sorts! I'm 10 weeks now and he keeps making jokes about when will the sex marathon begin this time! He seems quite chilled about the strange things our bodies do so I must be lucky! Be open and honest and tell him what you need!

Thank you for your replies.
Happilymarried155 we have talked about it, he was quite surprised it was bothering me so much because I do spend most of my time so excited and happy that all is going well so far. I think if we did spend more time together having a cuddle or just enjoying each others company it would help. He has been very busy with work. I will put it to him and see if we can make the time. Thank you.

Loumum14, that sounds very familiar up to around 12/13 weeks, he didnt have much choice at that point! I will take your advice and we can hopefully come to some compromise. Thank you and enjoy the marathon if it begins again!

I totally understand your concerns..
How about cuddling? Does he find that strange, too? Like Happilymarried155 said, maybe this could make up for the loss of intimacy.
Do I understand it right that he flirts with other women and you see that?
(Sorry for my poor English)

I could have written this post a while back!

Like you, sex is an important part of our relationship and when I was pregnant my husband was turned off by my bump. Exactly like you when I would get changed he would comment on my changing body, not trying to be mean just surprised and it made me feel so unsexy ! My first pregnancy led me to be incredibly insecure I found my mummy body to be a pain and all I wanted was to look sexy and slim and my old self !

Advice I would give is tell him how you feel. That you are finding it hard, that he obviously shouldn't force himself (like its that bad!) but he should realise that your tummy is growing but you're the same underneath and its really getting you down the lack of closeness. On your side keep making an effort with yourself, make up, nice hair, nice clothes and whenever you're up for it maybe try more him behind you type positions so your bump isn't too much in his face? Or if I was on top ( Im sorry if this is too graphic !!) I used to wear one of his shirt unbuttoned at the top so it fell down a bit and hid the bump but exposed the top Sorry ! Also do stuff more in the dark than in full light. Bump is less exposed and it helps with the 'other than just sex' stuff. This was a massive issue for me at the time so I want to help sorry about the details!!

Also on a positive note, after we had our beautiful baby, our sex life was like our honey moon again for ages. We were both so happy to be us again and it was great !

Pregnancy 2, hubby was a bit better. Never all over me but not as bad as the first time. And now beautiful baby2 is born we are back to our old selves again !

Final tip I dont know how often you were intimate but if lets say you had sex 4 times a week before pregnancy try and reduce that to 1 or 2 a week so when you do he is extra up for it !

All the best OP!

Thank you again, its so reasuring to know that others have had similar experiences and littlefrenchmummy I dont mind the detail, its actually great to hear some practical tips which might help. I havent been able to think too creatively as I've been feeling a bit irrational about everything but I'm really keen to get more physical again, I miss him! I will try some of your suggestions and see if I can at least get some non sex fun on the go!

Annymummy, yes he does flirt in front of me, he always has and rather perversly, I always kind of liked it, so can't really moan now. I'm aware that sounds a bit freaky! I know he doesn't mean anything by it, it's just how he is but I suppose it makes me miss the attention I used to get even more. He always made me feel like the most attractive person in the world, so I could cope.

and annymummy, your english is fantastic!

Wow I've had EXACTLY the same experience OP.

I'm 38 weeks now and can't wait to get the baby out so I can go back to being a human being again and not just an incubator. We haven't had sex for over 2 months now and it's all down to my DP, I would have been up for it. Unfortunately, I've found that there's much more written about how women can go off DTD in pregnancy, and not so much on how it really turns some men off.

I've warned my DP that I intend to jump him come Christmas!
Good luck x

I went right off sex first pregnancy for intimacy we did things like he would massage oil into my belly and often boobs it's good for stretch marks.
I'd give him back massages.

I'm 29 weeks now and luckily things are still going well in the bedroom department.

Dp and I have talked about how my changing shape influences our feeling when we get down to DTD, I feel a bit uneasy with a large stomach on show and huge boobs bouncing around, Dd is extremely active in my stomach too, so while making love it can feel very strange and off putting!
He says he doesn't want to hurt me, or baby and even though he still wants to have sex, he finds that bump on show kills the mood a bit too much.He is conscious of having another 'person' in between us during intimate moments!
We find it easier and more pleasurable to use positions where he enters from behind, doggy style with pillows under bump is best, soft lighting and me in a sexy nightie/his shirt so bump is not so 'in your face'.Sometimes partly clothed can be really sexy!
Giving and receiving oral stimulation is a great option if actual penetration isn't always possible.
Try to keep talking about how you both feel.

Yep, we're going through exactly the same. I had a bit of a breakdown about it just last night.

27 weeks and for the last two we've even been in separate rooms as DH has had a cold that he didn't want me to get, and I fidget too much for him to get a good nights rest.

Before that I had thrush, so no action, and now seem to be getting it again. We've had sex 5 times since the bfp I think he saw me as too delicate in the early days, and now is a bit freaked out by the bump.

I really enjoyed and got used to having more sex than ever when ttc, so it's a real contrast now. Finding stories of how things were better post-baby reassuring though.

39 weeks now.

In our relationship I've always been the initiator for sex, both before and after pregnancy. (He has a low sex drive but enjoys it when it happens.) So we've continued to do it about twice a week, which is similar to pre-pregnancy. When I first developed the bump, he found it distracting, but managed to go along with it. Recently though, the bump is huge, and I've started to see signs that he rather likes it... almost like a kinky thing . I hope he doesn't get too attached to it, because it's about to go soon.

Your partner is your partner, and he loves you. Don't be afraid to be a little aggressive in getting what you want. Tell him you want to be physically close, and push him playfully until he gives in Once he gets used to it he might decide that he likes it.