Hey everyone,
My thread is pregnancy/relationship related (but probably belongs more in the relationship forum) however my past experiences on the Relationship forum has been a mixed bag with a quite unfriendly/judgemental people on there. I feel a bit more comfortable here in pregnancy where everyone always is supportive and nice! Sorry about the longish post in advance but felt it important to add as much as poss to give the full story.
SoIve just turned 39 and pregnant with my 1st child (Im nearly 23 weeks now) and over the moon, the only thing getting me down is the fact that Im going to be a single mother. It was my choice to go ahead with this pregnancy against the fathers wishes so its really something I need to just get on with. About 80% of the time I absolutely fine with it, but over the weekend I felt extremely down about my situation which was probably hormone related and the fact that the weather was so cr*p so thought I would come on here and have a moan and also see if anyone has similar experiences they can share with me? Financially Im fine, I have full support of my wonderful family and friends so I have nothing to complain/worry about on that side of things, I just miss having a partner to share this wonderful experience with.
I met my now ex at the start of the year literally it was amazing, chemistry etc was incredible and lots in common (he is 38). But he told me on our 2nd date that he has a visa for Australia (he is British) and been working on getting it for the past 2 years. He planned on leaving for Oz in June but if things worked out with us he would consider staying in the UK. So this gave me confidence to continue with the relationship and see where it went.
We had a great 4 months together, went on holiday together (which he instigated) but the relationship was a bit up and down because I was always conscious he could leave at any stage which made me a bit guarded. Anyway I nearly split up with him when we got back from holiday and he got really upset, cried at the airport etc.
We then decided to have a week of breathing space as he wanted to make a decision on whether he stayed in the UK and see how things go with us (then we go to OZ in a few years together) or break up and he go in OZ on his own. A massive decision. We met after a week apart and he seemed in bits, he told me he loved me and seemed to come on really strong again sent me poems (mushy I know!) about how I was the missing piece of his life etc We spoke about children ALOT, he sent me photos of his friends babies and even on holiday he said he wondered what our kids would look like.
Well to cut a long story short, after declaring his love for me, a week later he split up with me. Saying things were moving way too fast, he couldnt handle the pressure, that he all along felt he was torn between me and OZ but that after thinking about it he feels that his feelings are strong enough for me. This was a complete contradiction to the poems /declaration of love. What sparked the break up was we had to look at moving in together to kick-start the process for me to get a partner visa. So things did have to move faster than normal, but wasnt my fault!
3 days after we split up I found out I was pregnant, I was in complete shock. When I called him up and told him, he went nuts. Saying I had tried to trap him (we didnt use protection one night so it was BOTH our fault), that I planned this all along and that he didnt want it. He sent me a letter asked me to have an abortion as it was against his wishes. I was completely and utterly shocked. This is a man who would go on non- stop about how he loved kids, literally he always melted when he was around babies..way more than I did. Half the time I completely ignore other peoples kids/babies! Even friends of his and mine said he is ready to be a father. I wrote him a letter explaining my decision to keep the baby, that it was hard to make and that I understand the impact on him and his family (I wont be expecting financial support from him). He said he intends to stay in the UK until the end of the year and that he feels we should stay in contact. So I have sent him one message just saying the scans and tests so far have come back ok and that she is due on the 10th Feb. He just wrote back and said thanks for letting me know. He has turned into a different person, almost like he a stranger?!
I just dont understand how a man can go from one extreme to anotherhe loves me then he doesnt love me. He loves kids and now he doesnt?! He suffers with anxiety really badly so I know this has a lot to do with his behaviour, however I still am shocked that he could be so cold.
Has anyone had any similar experiences? I fully expect to bring up my daughter on my own, at almost 6 months pregnant I hold out little hope he will come round to the idea of being a father if he hasnt been in touch yet. He shows no interest in the scans /birth etc
All thoughts much appreciated as feeling a bit rubbish today.
Cherry xx