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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Not sure I want one now.... confused...

28 replies

Squidstirfry · 10/10/2014 19:01

Hello

Is this normal? I am 35 weeks pg, expecting a boy, 1st child.

I keep looking around in my house, and my life, and everything is fine and normal, and things are the way I like them. I have my job, my routines, my sleep (I love my sleep)... So then I realize in around 5 weeks time all of this will be "gone" or will be very different, anyway. And I am actually not sue that I am completely looking forward to it...

I know I am supposed to be walking around in a blissful bubble of anticipatory happiness, but I am more rooted to the floor in some sort of mild dread... There is still so much to do for the baby around the house, and things to buy etc that I haven't done. I am a bad mother already.

This child was planned, wanted for over 5 years. My partner is happy, we are both procrastinators though, and so hardly anything has been done yet. I don't feel excited or happy "enough".

Is this some onset or sign for postnatal depression?? I am dreading not bonding or knowing what to do. I don't have a mum. Family are abroad... Friends few and far between. I am lost and anxious, not happy...

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

VeryThelma · 10/10/2014 19:07

You will be fine when he comes, it's the not knowing that is hardest.

Two of the nicest things people said to me after I had DS1 was the doctor at my six week post natal checkup who said oh you still have your own handbag well done you (still makes me smile I hated bloody changing bags) and another friend told me when he was about 6 months well you are just the same as you always were except you have DS1 now.

It does change things but it's an addition not a takeover IYSWIM xx (btw sleep now)

Lizzy86 · 10/10/2014 19:07

Every woman can feel like this especially it being your first child. Non of us know what to expect and how we are going to feel. All we can do is take it day by day. I know I do. Maybe it would be a good idea to speak to your doctor/midwife and share these emotions? Sometimes just telling someone how you feel makes things seem normal. I'm 12 weeks and most days I don't feel happy about being pregnant but I mainly put it down to these bloody hormones I think for any mum to be, anxiety can take a hold and we forget that we are after all just human

Bellyrub1980 · 10/10/2014 19:32

When do you finish work? I really couldn't get started on preparing properly until I had the headspace to do it. I'm now 38 weeks and only just starting to feel like I'm ready for the 1st few months. I still have a list 3 A4 sheets long with less than half of it ticked off. Originally put myself under loads of pressure to get it all sorted ASAP. But then I realised half of it won't even matter for the first 6 months. So now I'm just working my way through the list slowly focussing on one thing at a time in the order of what I think is most important. I feel much less stressed now and as a result I'm really looking forward to this baby arriving.

Syd35 · 10/10/2014 19:54

Glad I saw this thread as I'm feeling similar. This will be my 2nd. DS is 7 and for many years I wanted to have another but DH was really against it so we agreed not to have anymore.

We had lots planned for next year and so it's ironic that I have fallen pregnant at this time as we will have to change all those plans. I thought I would be delighted as I have secretly thought I wanted one all this time. But I feel so different to first time round. I am not sure if it's because it wasn't planned or like you OP I feel that our life is really lovely the way it is.

Oh and DH and I had some rocky early years as he wasn't into the baby stage and it took a lot of adjustment. Funnily enough he seems really chilled out about the idea and seems happy whilst I am fretting inside. Doesn't help that I had preeclampsia with my son and part of me is worried about it reoccurring.

So guess it is normal to worry about how our lives are about to change but it's a happy time really and once baby arrives I'm sure all these doubts will disappear.

Jaffakake · 10/10/2014 19:59

It's totally normal. You just swap one happy for a different version of happy. I'm now doing it for the second time & am having these feelings all over again. Why swap my happy threesome by adding an extra person? I just know this time I'll find more new happy that I don't know exists yet.

You do get yourself back again, especially if you want the old you. My best friend made me promise not to lose myself. We went on a trip to Berlin when ds was 1. It was the most 'me' I'd felt in, probably, 5 years. Amazing!

amy83firsttimer · 10/10/2014 20:07

In terms of getting stuff ready don't forget that newborns need very little.
Something to eat - boobies or ff equipment
Somewhere to sleep
Somethings to wear
Some way to travel (car seat/pram)
Something to shit in (disposable or cloth nappies)

ohthegoats · 10/10/2014 20:14

Oh I have these same feelings all the time. Lots of crying in the car about it.

hairymonkey · 10/10/2014 20:18

I'm pregnant with number 3, a bit of a surprise and a bit of an age gap. I'm getting my head round it, but not jumping for joy the whole time.
I think you'll probably fair a lot better than some people who are in a bubble of happiness as your expectations are more realistic if that doesn't sound too grim.
Enjoy your maternity leave, it really is almost worth having a baby for. You get to bum around and sleep during the day hazaa!

And of course you'll have your baby who you may instantly adore, or who might take a bit of getting used to, but you will get hit by the love stick and fall hook line and sinker for. Either way, in about 3 months from now, your life will have changed massively, some for the worse, but a lot more for the better

hairymonkey · 10/10/2014 20:21

Sorry, love stick not a euphemism!
Be lazy and kind to yourself, it will be great, and tell someone if things aren't feeling so good. There's lots of people who will want to help you.

bronya · 11/10/2014 17:11

Once your child arrives it's different. My DS makes me smile every day, cheers me up when I'm sad and is so worth it that I'm doing the whole horrendous pg thing again to have DC2.

BananaPie · 11/10/2014 19:32

It sounds perfectly normal and healthy to me. I think that if you go through pregnancy in a bubble looking forward to having a cute baby, you'd end up more prone to depression when the reality hits home. Much better to be a bit nervous and acknowledge that you'll miss your old life. That way, the really great bits about having a baby will still be great, but you're prepared for the fact that some of it will be tough.

KittyandTeal · 11/10/2014 19:51

I think if you feel like that then it'll be less of a shock when things do change.

I was in a little bubble, was the first of all my friends to have a baby, and the reality really hit hard. It's taken me 2 years to get a semblance of a life back and now I'm 7 weeks pregnant.

I'm hoping this time will be less of a shock as I'm already anticipating just how hard it will be.

Plateofcrumbs · 11/10/2014 23:41

I was like you and somewhat dreaded the thought of having a baby (despite it being planned and wanted). I kept wondering why I was ruining my life.

Three months in now, and I love it. Yes it's often hard but I can't imagine my life without DS in it, he makes me feel more complete but I still feel like myself. I generally look a bit of a state, have very little time to myself and don't get to enjoy any of my old hobbies, sport etc . But I really don't care.

mrsspagbol · 12/10/2014 00:58

Sleep now OP, sleep now.

not helpful

SweetsForMySweet · 12/10/2014 01:27

Perfectly normal. Your nesting instincts have set in and you fear your home and you are not ready. You fear the unknown and that's normal too. But once you hold your baby, something will change. You will realise that you need to be brave and face your fears to protect your new baby. All the little irritations won't matter so much. You can do this and in 3 months time, you'll be settled in to a new and better life. Take it one step at the time and talk to your dp about your fears. Everyone worrys sometime so don't be too hard on yourself. Get some rest

Gennz · 12/10/2014 05:18

Squid I feel exactly the same, I'm 33 weeks with my first, also a boy.

Can I also say that all the people saying "get some rest" are NOT helpful ... I was up about 25 times last night to go for a wee(s). Having a newborn cannot be worse than pregnancy.

Cullercoats88 · 12/10/2014 09:30

I too have my moments of doubt, even though baby was planned, I was banking on it taking longer to conceive, and find other people's reactions around me very claustrophobic. My MIL and Mom have gone way over the top and despite bring grateful, it also upsets me because it's just too much, these wobbles then mushroom and I begin to doubt my ability to parent.

I'm hoping that like many pregnancy feelings, it will pass, and I will not feel dread, unease, and unwilling like I do now!

FrancisdeSales · 12/10/2014 16:36

Culler I would encourage the grandmas to please calm down and back off a bit. But once the baby is born totally trustworthy people (such as grandmas) are heaven sent. Someone you trust your PFB with while you crash out for a nap or have a shower!

GinIsCalling · 12/10/2014 20:03

I also felt like this, and did develop mild postnatal depression. Don't be scared of asking for help - I also was abroad and it's no fun being so far from family and friends when pregnant and then when struggling to nurse a newborn. You will cope, but there is also professional help available if needed. Do you have an ob/gyn you trust? They can offer further services if eneeded and there is no harm in getting the info ahead of the birth just in case. Best of luck!

mrsspagbol · 13/10/2014 07:31

Wow Gennz, no need to be like that.

I was advising the OP to get rest because yes really, having a newborn (for me) WAS very much harder than a 42 week pregnancy, although I didn't know it at the time.

backs away slowly

Gennz · 13/10/2014 09:48

Ha ha

sorry mrsspag

Currently weeing every 15 minutes (including all night). And still vomiting sporadically. So very tired & grumpy. Good preparation I guess! Broken sleep & covered in vom!!

kitkat321 · 13/10/2014 12:29

I'm in the same boat - 32 weeks and flicking between excitement at the thought of our first child arriving and fear/dread/regret - I loved my life the way it was and now it will never be the same again.

Everyone assures me that it's for the better though and I've yet to meet anyone the says they regret having their children (or if they do they keep it secret)

Bellyrub1980 · 13/10/2014 12:49

I think the key thing to remember is that whilst having children can be very difficult and involve sacrifices, the reality is that anything worth having in life usually resuls from a lot of hard work and dedication. For example, getting my degree wasn't easy, building my career wasn't easy, buying my house wasn't easy, finding my DP wasn't easy...! But all of those things were 100% worth it and I'd go through all that stress a thousand times again to get the same result. I figure having children is the same... Of course it will be difficult... But that's because the rewards are so great.

SuperMumTum · 13/10/2014 17:45

I felt like this a bit and did develop pnd. Try not to judge yourself too harshly and be prepared for some difficult emotions after baby arrives as well. I sometimes wonder why the hell I'm having another but deep down I know it's the right thing for me, dp and our future. And don't worry about preparing the house too much - focus on being kind to yourself.

Gingerandcocoa · 14/10/2014 09:51

I felt exactly like this. And I have to say, it didn't exactly go away after the birth. Even now (DS is 16 weeks old) there are difficult days when I sometimes wish deep down that we had waited longer so we could have had that final trip, gone out more etc, so don't beat yourself up if these feelings don't completely disappear on day 1.

Having said that I would not change my post baby life for my pre baby life! It's much harder work now but much more meaningful, and I have got the most beautiful, lovely, sweet baby ever! (You can tell I had a good night of sleep ;))

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