I have the just-found-out-I'm-pregnant worries :(

[DonnaLlyn]

I found out I am four weeks pregnant (counting from the first day of my last period) two days ago. I have told my partner but I am just not ready to tell a stranger. I've decided not to tell anyone else until I'm 4 months pregnant, as that is when my mother stopped having problems with her pregnancy.

I don't know too much about this, but I think some people would go to the doctor to have the pregnancy confirmed immdiately. However, I am not ready to have this confirmed one way or another. It's not that I don't want a baby, but the fact is that it probably wasn't the wisest move, not to use contraception purposefully, and I'm ashamed of what people will think.

My due date is about 2 months after I graduate - obviously I am not going to have a proper career until long after baby is born, though I do have a good part time job with plenty of extra hours available. My partner's career is gaining momentum too - he's self employed.

We wanted a baby badly, but although I felt all confident before, now all I cant think is that everyone I tell will dissapprove because I could have waited until my career was settled too, not just my partners.

Also, when should I get a medical professional involved? Do I just call up my GP? Or can I see a midwife? I'd prefer to see a midwife as the GP I go to treats my whole family, and I will feel so ashamed if he asks me where I work, or if it comes up that I will be spending most of my pregnancy as a university student.

It's ridiculous feeling ashamed, I know.

No matter what though, I'd rather wait to go and see someone about the pregnancy, until I can adjust on my own to being pregnant. What's the latest I can do this? 8 weeks?

Firstly, congratulations!

Secondly, make sure you're taking a good antenatal vitamin, doesn't have to be Pregnacare, which is expensive - Sainsbury/Boots do own brand versions much cheaper. Folic acid is very important at this stage.

Thirdly, and most importantly, nobody is going to judge you for being pregnant and a student, loads of people manage it. But, you do need to get booked in with a midwife soon and depending where you are you may be able to self refer to the nearest midwife unit so there may not be a need to involve your GP. Anything you discuss with him/her is confidential anyway. I self referred at about 8 weeks, but a lot of units are very busy and you do need to have a scan by 14 weeks at the latest I think for various screening (nuchal translucency in particular).

Good luck, it's a scary and exciting time no matter what your circumstances, and mumsnet can be a great source of support, especially when you don't want to shout about it irl.

Congratulations.
We're rather at the other end of the 'what will people say' age range and were worried too, but it's turned out that most people are absolutely delighted for us. I doubt there is any ideal age to have a baby - a bit of determination and planning and I'm sure you'll make things work.
I bypassed my gp completely - they're too busy to get an appointment with - so self-referred to the hospital of our choice and we see the midwife there. The first appointment was at 8 weeks - the standard booking in - and then the first scan at 12ish. I'm sure the booking in stuff can be done at a later date - though you might want to read the nhs site for early pregnancy advice. The scan you will want to get booked in - it's not only an important health check, it is a lovely opportunity to see your baby/ies. I think you have to have it before 13w and 6 days, so you could see if you could get it as late as possible.
Good luck and don't let other people spoil your happiness.

I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant til I was 4 months -and I had been married 4 years at that point and at a good career stage. It was just too strange. Though I had registered with a doctor as I had a suspected mc at 7 weeks (though many years later when I did have a mc I wanted people to know because one of the worst aspects was that I felt only I mourned that little baby...) anyway I am with you on keeping it private. 9 months is a long time and once it's out well it kind of becomes everyone's business. Good luck with your pregnancy and congratulations and the thing is you will be qualified buy the time the baby arrives so it'll all be fine - a friend of mine planned her first to arrive as she graduated (or so she said). Be positive when you eventually share your news and who's to know this isn't exactly how you planned it!

I found out I was pregnant in May, and although I'm in my early 30s it wasn't a planned pregnancy, and I found it really difficult to get used to. I was expecting a lot more 'judgement' because I'm not married to my OH, we don't own a house, and I definitely wasn't someone you'd say was going to get pregnant in the next 12 months. What I'd like to say to you is that there is never a good time to get pregnant, there is always going to be plans that you never saw through, you may have wanted to be married, you were planning on doing it when you had more stable jobs etc. You are in the same boat as everyone else. I found it very difficult to get used to the fact that I was pregnant, never mind the fact that I was going to become a mother 8 months later. My advice is to take each day at a time, as it does become gradually easier and easier. Tell people who you know will be supportive, get used to the fact that your body is going to change. Most importantly, there is time for you to have a career in a few years time, when you can show employers that you've got a lot more life experience and are a much more stable employee than people who haven't got to the 'mother' stage yet.

The support that I have received from friends, family, and people who until May were just acquaintances is staggering. Having a baby brings people together, and it's wonderful to see how excited about it people are.

You have a very positive and exciting time ahead of you, but there is nothing wrong at all about being scared and apprehensive. I think that's a much more normal reaction than sheer elation. Best of luck :-)

I fell pregnant with my son when I'd just finished my second year. I took a year out while I had him then went back to finish my degree. It's true what pps are saying - there's never a 'good' time as there's always something else on the go.

It's a big thing and everyone feels a bit shocked! I'm currently expecting my second which is planned but I still had some wobbles of whether I was doing the right thing, maybe I should have waited etc and this time I'm in my mid-thirties and a homeowner!

People's reactions were completely different to what I expected - nothing bad at all. You're still young so plenty of time to establish your career. It may be a little different to what you'd anticipated though! I couldn't be as mobile and flexible as other graduates from my course but after a short break I found a job in the right field soon enough.

I'm 33, only been with BF four months and while we've both talked about wanting children, we're both at university doing part time postgrad for a change of career! I'm only there one morning a week though so it seems totally feasible to carry on. Luckily also, BF is a very nice person and it's almost nice to have had it happen while we're in the very romantic period. Yes, ideally I'd have liked it to happen a year or two later on, but it seems amazing that it's happened at all.

PS. I have a lot of rather right-wing Christian American relatives - they all think it's great and are super pleased for me! In the end, the how and when don't really matter, only the baby.

Thank you for you supportive messages, they have really cheered me up. Despite being 23, in a very long term relationship, and renting a house, I suddenly feel too young to be a potential mother, especially being a student and being surrounded by partying students most of the day. The pregnancy DVD the midwife gave me makes it all seem so matter of fact, and the mothers in it were all either older or had a kid already. I would have felt better if the midwife or the leaflets had acknowledged the fact that this is 't an ordinary thing, and that it's alright to be a bit freaked out!

The midwife herself said her daughter is my age, looked at me and then looked worried to herself! She wasn't judging me though, just realising it coukd happen to her daughter, by the looks of it!

She rushed through the appointment, and didn't even do the pregnancy test to confirm it, which I now realise is normal..but still...! I hope to god I am actually pregnant after all this!

I am really excited to be a mum, but as soon as I imagine telling everyone I get the jitters and think 'this can't be happening!'

and you know what, your timing isn't that bad, you will be able to complete your degree then have time out with little one, then get your career started. I think there are definite benefits to that than 'getting started' in a career and having to stop only a year or two later, having a break then starting again. Career breaks are difficult for women whateber stage they happen. Just have the confidence to tell people (those that matter - not busyboddies) that yuo planned it this way for a reason. You can keep on your part-time job while children are little then return to your original career plan once they are at school. (I've already moved on to your 2nd child in my head haha)

Congratulations! - Be happy xx