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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

husband needs space can't cope with pregnancy!

28 replies

America1 · 08/10/2014 18:16

Hi
I posted sometime ago now about my husband. However he has confirmed that it is the pregnancy in relation to him leaving which is now 4 weeks ago. Despite this being planned he feels this has came in between our relationship and he is bored. I thought everything was fine this is clearly his own issue but it is difficult to find out what it is. I feel hes having a meltdown about being a father displaying out of character behaviours has anyone known this to happen and what was the support given and the outcomes?
thanks :)

OP posts:

YouAreMyRain · 08/10/2014 18:21

Erm...support given to you or him? You are dealing with the pregnancy much more than he is. If my DP did this I could never forgive them

longest · 08/10/2014 18:27

He sounds like a total child.

How is he going to cope when the baby's here? He isn't, by the sounds of it....

RachieS1986 · 08/10/2014 18:59

Hi America1, had just been thinking about you. You said before that your husband is already on medication for anxiety problems. Would he consider going and speaking to his doctor or a counsellor or would his doctor even speak to you to a certain extent? X

Original poster

America1 · 08/10/2014 21:49

Hi
Rachie that must be someone else to date theres been no indication of any mental health difficulties. Aww thank you for thinking of me. Im feeling much stronger, getting used to being on my own now 4 weeks on. I just cant get my head around his behaviour with baby especially when he was constantly asking for years when we'd start trying. Its very bizzare and not like him at all. But I agree he is a child and it isnt a mental health problem....its a case of 'NO BALLS'!

OP posts:

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 08/10/2014 22:07

I really feel for you and just wanted to offer some huge hugs. What a terrible situation to be put in with someone that you trusted to share the world of parenthood.

He has let you down (understatement) and it sounds like both you and your baby deserve so much better.

Hold on to the fact that when your baby comes, it will be the centre of your world.

I don't mean to be insensitive at such a difficult time, but I would really try to explore why he is behaving like this - being "bored" sounds like a terrible excuse to cover up adultery. I hope I am wrong, but it just seems rather...odd!

Do you have support from friends or relatives in real life? You sound very strong, but please remember to talk to someone.

Original poster

America1 · 08/10/2014 22:47

Hi,

I really dont think hes being unfaithful he just doesn't have the time hes at work a lot and I always know where he is iv asked him and hes said no. His behaviour changed as soon as I fell pregnant just getting back from our honeymoon!
However I do think hes being influenced by either or if not both his mother (we have a very rocky past) and his 'macho' work mates...the type that are all older with bitter divorces. Sad that hes easily influenced hes never really had his own mind as hes still tied to the apron strings!

OP posts:

Original poster

America1 · 08/10/2014 22:48

Thanks for well wishes, I have amazing friends :)

OP posts:

tomanyanimals · 09/10/2014 09:57

Unfortunatly some men are just 'weak' when it comes to this side of things my dh is supportive to a point he's. Had to be as I've been really ill but he spends more and more time at work while I get left to deal with being ill pregnant a ten year old and a four year old. I have made it clear that I won't accept it and he needs to decide what he wants for us to be single parents or be together supporting each other and I want it sorting before baby is here in two months he has knuckled down abit the last week or so but shall see I was fully prepared to be a single mum though I know yours has left a few weeks ago but would you be happy to give him that choice to either buck up or sod off probably in a more polite way then you know how you stand it's much easier to put s in place if you know for definite which is how I always think. Sorry if not much help

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 09/10/2014 16:53

So sorry OP that your DH is being a total shit. He's bored? The pregnancy that you planned has caused him to leave? Unbelievable.

You're pregnant and need support, not a man child on your hands. Very sad that he's that influenced by other people that he's left his pregnant wife. What a twat.

I'd be telling him to man up or piss off, quite frankly. I don't see how I could forgive it.

headlesslambrini · 09/10/2014 17:14

Sorry you are going through this but honestly when the baby arrives, you really dont need to be dealing with his childish behaviour as well. Tell him to grow a set or stay away.

microferret · 09/10/2014 17:52

I agree with everything said here. I'm really sorry that your DH is rubbish. I know it sounds flippant but you are probably better off without him, and I guess it's better to know what sort of man he is before your baby has a chance to get attached to him. Absentee dads can really give kids issues, if they exist on the periphery but are unreliable and show no interest.

Ditch this tosspot for good and find yourself someone who knows his own mind!

Original poster

America1 · 14/10/2014 16:32

Hi,
thought id update you. Its over. He couldn't be kind and say the words but said everything else but! Left me crying in public. Still not sure why although he said he would not stop playing on his playstation to come to bed with me and that couples dont go to bed with each other. I know im better without but I loved him so much...over time im sure that will fade. Looking for a birthing partner I have plenty of offers :)

OP posts:

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 14/10/2014 16:52

You poor honey - how awful.

Leaving your pregnant wife crying in public is just despicable. Honestly, in the long run it sounds like you will be much happier without him. No decent human should treat their spouse like he has been treating you. But I think you know that already.

Please look after your best interests (and your baby's). Something doesn't seem right and from what you have said it is as if he wanted to push you to the brink where you have no option but to end it. I know you think he has not been unfaithful, but please don't underestimate what some men are capable of (our neighbours husband used to "cancel" family weekends away because work was so busy and then ship his mistress into their marital bed...another friend watched her "boyfriend" walk down the aisle to another woman...). I only tell you this so that if you do divorce, it should be "easier" as you can sight adultery.

I am sure some of your lovely friends will be incredible support to you and fight to be your birth partner!

DanyStormborn · 14/10/2014 17:12

Your situation sound like that of my friend's sister. He left in the middle of a very planned pregnancy (the result of fertility treatment) as he didn't like the pregnancy. She gave him one more chance but he messed up again. She's now had the baby and is coping amazingly well as a single parent and I think her and the baby are far better without him.

Original poster

America1 · 14/10/2014 21:33

Can I ask what he didnt like about thr pregnancy Dany?

chocolate biscuit I never thought he woukd leave me...twice! So anything is possible and im more open to the idea now. Thi k iv been I denial to block the pain which has come flooding in today. Juat want baby here now he'll not even matter then.
thanks for your support :)

OP posts:

vichill · 14/10/2014 21:38

God, what an arse. No advice really. I just wanted to say that you sound awesome. So pragmatic, level headed and fucking amazing. You're going to be a brilliant mum.

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 14/10/2014 21:51

I second that - your strength will make you an incredible mum. You deserve so much better than this man.

But you need to grieve too so I hope you can call on some dear friends/family to scream & shout.

Take care xx

Original poster

America1 · 14/10/2014 22:48

Aww wow thank you both youve cheered me up tonight. Im back at work which is helping me to keep busy. Take care and good night x x

OP posts:

cheerupandhaveaglassofwine · 15/10/2014 18:21

Have some more hugs, you don't deserve this

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 15/10/2014 20:00

What a git. I'm sorry OP. You'll be a great mum regardless (and don't forget child support).

Viviennemary · 15/10/2014 20:07

What a massive betrayal this is. Even if he is feeling unsure or overwhelmed he still should not be acting this way. This happened to a colleague of mine years ago. First child, all planned and been married a few years, both very happy and then a couple of months after she said she was pregnant he left. We were all shocked. I agree you deserve much better than this.

Original poster

America1 · 15/10/2014 20:57

I hear of similar stories. Just still can't get my head around how someone so perfect can then act like this. It has completely rocked me.....dont think ill ever be able to trust another man again!

OP posts:

Rufus200 · 15/10/2014 21:49

Hi America

I just wanted to say that you are incredibly strong and brave and that maybe you are better off.

My parents planned to have me but as soon as my mum stopped being able to do all the things they normally did, he completely went off the idea. He was a terrible dad and it was very clear to me that he didn't like me and found me a nuisance. He would stay at work or be out womanising to make sure I was in bed when he got home so he didn't have to interact with me. my parents stayed together but were miserable and both cheated.

I was happy when my dad died a few years ago and thought good riddance. As far as I am concerned it is better to not have a dad then to have one that doesn't love you. I love my mum so much. She is amazing.

Everything in life happens for a reason, it can just take a while to see the bigger picture.

Original poster

America1 · 17/10/2014 17:06

Hi Rufus
I keep reading this last sentence keeps me going....one day I may understand.
Sorry to hear about your dad.I have never met my.own dad ....so this is like a double torchure for me....I wanted something different for my own child.

OP posts:

starlight1234 · 17/10/2014 17:12

My Ex was very like this took up drink and drugs big time, despite been ill all through my pregnancy tried to support him.. no support for me from him.

Kept trying and trying... Much easier on my own just 2 people who wanted to bed together me DS and me.

It is hard though as dream is blown apart. But I was pouring bucket into a bucket with a hole in the end

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