At my last consultant appointment at 28 weeks I told them I want a c-section. Purely for personal reasons rather than health.
I need to correct you here as this is a fundamental part of your case for an ELCS.
From what you have posted, you are requesting a CS because a) you are terrified of childbirth to the point that you toured the ward with your mum before she died b) in addition to your fear you now associate the labour ward to your mum's death. This makes a strong case that your request is NOT for 'personal reasons' as you put it, but for mental health reasons.
Let me be clear here; mental health is a reason to justify a medical need for an ELCS. Just because you are requesting it does NOT make it for social convenience.
With this in mind, I'd like to ask what support your community midwife is offering you to cope. The fact that she has said you are unlikely to get an ELCS rings alarm bells and it seems she hasn't conveyed the fact that your mental health might be an issue that is compelling you to make this request. She should have identified that you need support here and she should be aware that mental health is a valid reason to have an ELCS rather than being somewhat unhelpful in just saying you are unlikely to get one. Has she suggested other alternatives or actions that may help you to cope better; for example, has another visit to the hospital been proposed? Your circumstances are extremely unusual, and they should be making some sort of effort to go out of their way to support you, if they are caring for you properly and have your welfare at the centre of their priorities.
To my mind, from the limited amount you have said, it strikes me that she might simply be unaware that mental health is a valid reason for an ELCS and that she should be supporting you more rather than letting you believe that you are making this for 'personal' reasons. This is not uncommon at all. There is a huge amount of ignorance on the part of HCP on the subject, perhaps particularly with those that are not as up to date with the latest information and research on the subject.
I hope that you do have a consultant midwife who is more educated on the subject. I had an excellent one who sadly has now left his post, but he agreed to my ELCS without issue (my first pregnancy) due to my mental health issues, which are somewhat unusual and the result of certain events in my past. He stressed this exact point about mental health being a health issue. I would take heart from the fact that your consultant didn't try and talk you out of it, but instead took you seriously and made the referral, as you requested - he clearly thought that it was a valid reason to be referred. Don't forget he is more senior than your community midwife.
That said, it does depend on where you are in the country, as some hospitals are pushing policies that are not consistent with the NICE guidelines and the fact that mental health is a health issue unfortunately. Its pot luck, and about reducing CS rates and meeting targets rather than giving a shit about women having individual needs which are sometimes unusual.
I hope your appointment has gone well. If you cried don't worry it can help. If you get a refusal, then ask for a second opinion. Its rare that they will deny you in the end but you might have a battle on your hands first. (FWIW I've only seen two requests ultimately go unheard on MN in over 3 years). One of the ways you should approach it is if you do get a negative response is to ask how they are going to deal with your unusual circumstances and current mental health needs during labour if they won't give you an ELCS as whilst you don't have a right to an ELCS you do have a right to appropriate care; this means they can't sweep the fact that you have these issues under the carpet - they have to do something.