I feel like the worst person in the world.

[leanne963]

This weekend, after getting a scan on thursday, decided to tell my DP brother and wife that we are pregnant. We were at my DP parents house and we bought out the little scan pic and they were like 'omg congratulations'

My woman's instinct kicked in and I noticed my (nearly) sister in law looked quite sad. I just knew. So I pulled her aside and she just broke down that she MC a couple weeks ago. I feel so bad. I know how she feels cause I MC in June.

I just feel awful, I feel like the worst person ever. She kept on saying 'sorry for ruining your news' and I told her never to say sorry and I just told her that I am sorry.

I felt the same pain when my brother told me his gf was pregnant last month (before I found out I was pregnant again) and I just sobbed for hours.

I just feel awful that I caused her to feel more pain, I just can't stop thinking about it!

Bless you! Im sure she is so happy for you and you can help her now you both know what has been going on with each other. Im sure she won't be far behind you and congratulations on your pregnancy x

I just really try to be a kind person and feel so horrible! They left straight away even though they were supposed to be staying for tea. I never would have said anything if I knew what she had just been through!

Please don't be so hard on yourself. You certainly come across as a very thoughtful, kind person to me!

I've been on both sides of this like you and it's awful, but you haven't done anything wrong.

We battled infertility for 5 years and suffered 2mcs during that time, DH happens to belong to the worlds most fertile family and we've had 6 new babies in the family during our treatments. Every pregnancy announcement was heartbreaking for us, but it didn't stop us being happy for the couple at all! It's such a difficult emotion to explain. In the end we stopped being invited to family gatherings as people were too afraid they would upset us (seriously) but that's another story. Then when I did eventually fall pregnant I had to break it to my long term friend who is unable to conceive even with medical intervention and it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. But I understood how she felt and she knew this and knew she could be truthful with me.

I think you are doing everything you can, you spoke to her on the day and you're still thinking about her now. Maybe just let her know you're thinking about her regularly and assure her that if she doesn't want to discuss the pregnancy yet you understand and that she doesn't have to put on a brave face for you.

It's such a difficult situation but it will get better

Don't feel bad you didn't know and so couldn't have done anything more than you did. You were good to pick up on it and behaved amazingly.

The only thing I would say is that you will now be a reminder of where her pregnancy could be which could be difficult for her.

My lovely SIL told us about their pregnancy (@4 weeks) 2 days after we discovered a mmc. I like to think she was then trying to be nice when she then would go on about how tough it was be pregnant and how lucky I was to not be pregnant. Three years later and our relationship has never recovered! It does sound like you have alot more tact and sympathy and whilst it will be difficult for your SIL it won't be because of how you have behaved.

Don't be too hard on yourself, there's no way you could have known. Just do what you can to be there for her and hopefully she won't be too far behind you