Feeling low and can't shake it off.

[BitchPeas]

I'm 11+5 and have horrendous morning sickness. I have been off work for around 3 weeks, I can't go more than an hour without throwing up and I'm constantly severely nauseous which is so mentally draining thankfully not dehydrated so don't need hospital. I'm on my 3rd type of medicine, and have raw gums and ulcers in my mouth from throwing up so much I think, but my GP is very dismissive and hates signing me off which makes me feel so guilty and like a drama llama but I've been into work the odd day over the last few weeks and they have sent me home within the hour due to my throwing up (customer facing role)

My last pregnancy ended in a termination for medical reasons, I have the 12 week scan on Monday and I'm terrified, I feel so detached from this pregnancy I can't be excited or happy even though it was planned as I'm convinced I won't end up with a baby.

I'm really lonely as I haven't been able to leave the house really for 3/4 weeks due to sickness and I haven't told many people I'm pregnant as un telling people last time was awful so I want to wait. DP is being amazing but works shift work and long hours. The one friend I have told, is being off with me about something that happened that was completely out of my control but that she blames me for, so that isn't helping either.

I feel so guilty about my DS. He's 7, and I had a traumatic birth then PND then a nasty split from XH when he was 18 months. His baby years were so hard and now it's all coming back to me. He also doesn't know I'm pregnant so is getting frustrated with me not playing with him and being ill all the time.

I have no sex drive (obviously) but can't stand DP hugging or kissing me due to sickness so I feel so detached from everyone and so low.

I've bloated out everywhere and my stomach has popped out so none of my clothes are comfortable but I can't face shopping and have no idea what to order online. (Trivial but it's getting me down)

I just wish I could feel better, I feel like a failure for not being able to cope. It's scaring me now as I'm starting to feel really quite depressed and I don't want to go there again.

Ah hun, you have my sympathy. I had hyperemesis and I think people don't understand how incredibly hard it can be to be feeling nauseous and throwing up so much. It's physically and physiologically very draining.

I think your gp sounds like an idiot. Is there any chance you could swap to another? Hopefully someone who actually understands how debilitating nausea and vomiting in pregnancy can be, and doesn't just write it off as 'morning sickness'? If you can't change gp's then there's a bunch of information on the pregnancy sickness support website that is designed to print off and give to health professionals. Can your dp or someone who gets how ill you are come with you to your next appointment to stand up for you?

I also got very lonely and bored. I brought myself a TV series boxset to give me something to do to pass the time. Also keep reminding yourself that this is just for a short time, this too shall end. I felt very detached from baby when I was feeling rubbish so don't beat yourself up. I think this is perfectly natural and doesn't mean you'll always feel like this. By about 14 weeks I was well enough to return to work on reduced hours and slowly, slowly started to be happy for the little person growing inside me. Hopefully you'll be the same.

Sorry if I've gone on a bit about myself, just hoping that maybe seeing that someone else has gone through it and is in a better place will give you hope and help you get through this difficult time.

Will keep everything crossed for you for your scan on Monday. Is dp able to go with you?

Keep drinking and eating what you can and be kind to yourself. X

It sounds like you're having a really tough time. I'd second seeing a different GP if you can, hopefully you might get one who's a bit more understanding.

Do you have any other friends you could confide in? I'm not as far on as you but I've told about three friends to save my sanity! It's understandable you'd want to keep it quiet given what you've previously been through though.

Aw darling I'm the same I'm only 10 weeks and feel totally numb about everything. Best advice I can give, go to the docs and explain how you feel. If you feel brushed off, ask to see another doctor. You shouldn't suffer alone. And as for your friend being off with you, tell her you need her now more than ever! If she still doesn't come round, is she really worth it as a friend? Sometimes having good people around you who care is the best medicine. I've learnt that xxx

I can empathise,I had a traumatic delivery with DS(5) and then had PND and PTSD this time around my midwife is seeing me more often as she's concerned about flashbacks/reoccurrence of depression. This time I'm not enjoying being pregnant quite so much and am not as excited possibly because I know what can happen, but I am starting to feel better now at 24 weeks particularly after having a sobbing snotty melt down to my MW a month ago

Perhaps change your GP or bypass him completely and ring the midwifery team. Hopefully you'll feel about better soon but until then it's not unreasonable to need some support and the right MW can be invaluable. Don't be fobbed of by the GP, morning sickness is a bitch and anything that can make it easier us a godsend.

Don't worry about your DS he'll forget about these early days when mummy couldn't play. And for you