More scared for second birth?

[Hamiltoes]

Hi all, i've been a lurker first post so hope i'm doing this right! I'm due on the 28th of this month. I had my first baby 4 years ago age 18 and never once worried about the birth or anything.

Now older, wiser(?), married, and I'm starting to get really anxious and nervous. DD was pretty horrendous if i'm being honest, woke up just in constant pain and called triage who firmly told me not to come into hospital. I ran a bath but by the time it was ready i really couldn't take anymore so called back and begged them to see me. On arrival i was left in the waiting room, next to couples who were waiting for their scans. I was in tears on all fours! I remember a woman waddling in all smiles partner carrying her bags who was greeted warmly and told to go straight through for assessment, which got me even more upset i think. After 1hr was taken through and finally checked (was 8+cm by this time) rushed to labour ward where i was given gas and air but made me really sick. Pushed and pushed immediately for an hour but DD seemed stuck, so had to have forceps delivery.

I was stitched up (sorry TMI?) to my inner thigh, couldn't walk due to the anaesthetic. Was taken to shared ward (think there was 6 of us) and my mum was promptly asked to leave. And so i was left alone to just get on with it. The hospital stay was really horrible, i felt alone and very much like i had to do everything for myself even though i was in a lot of pain from the stitches and could hardly walk. Breastfeeding was completely pushed on you but no support what so ever when she wouldn't feed, so in hindsight i think i ended up with a really hungry baby who screamed pretty much constantly all night due to being so hungry but got no help to feed her. The lady opposite was a recovering addict who had also been pushed to BF (i think the baby gets some methadone from the milk and so helps baby with withdrawals), have you ever heard a baby recovering from a heroin addiction? It was traumatic to say the least. I think i got about 1hr of sleep that whole night. Had to endure 5 nights of that.

I'm sorry if that was a bit of a ramble, obviously once you get home and settled the hospital seems like a distant memory. Its just being so close to my due date is bringing it all back again and i'm freaking myself out. Obviously i had quite a fast labour last time and they say second time can be quicker, i live 1hr away from the hospital now (was 5mins away last time) so the whole getting left in the waiting room is really scaring me.

Did anyone else feel like this? Was your second labour easier than the first? Have you found you are more anxious now than first time round? Also, has there been any changes in the way wards are run or improvements in BF support? Or is it still very much a hands off get on with it approach?

I'm just praying i don't need stitches again!

Thanks for listening X

Hi the best advice I got from a midwife is expect a difficult birth and stitches. That helped me not go into birth with dreams of an easy water birth ( did not get!) and so on.

I personally think each birth is different and it is a painful experience usually so normal to feel apprehensive.

Why not talk to your midwife about your fears?

From my own, limited experience, it is normal to be on a shared ward afterbirth. Where I am if you want a private room you can pay a private fee for one, otherwise normal NHS care, same as when have an appendix out say on a ward with curtains round you. Few hospitals have private rooms for every patient. And yes, little if any care after birth - I had a c section and was expected to care fully for my baby. My dh, like your Mum, had to leave as soon as I was on a ward as end of visiting time until next day.

So sadly some of what you write is normal - NHS is free but comes with limitations on privacy and personal space and having what you want when you want.

Some people prefer to give birth at home or in a midwife unit to avoid what they do not want - did you discuss those options? Also many people go home much quicker with a second baby so not in hospital and family can care for you.

my plan with my second is to go home same day if possible so no awful lack of care in post birth ward!!

I think it's wise advice from silverstars, I'm overdue with dc2 and tbh I'm not kidding myself it'll be easier although it's hard to avoid be miracle hope that this time you'll be the woman that has no stiches etc. I remind myself that thankfully I don't have to do this many times (I'm stopping at 2), thanks to the NHS it'll be alright in the end, indignities aside, and it's worth it for the baby.

Gosh, you poor thing. Sounds very traumatic and like you went treated brilliantly/taken seriously. Good thing is that mothers who have already had babies are listened to a bit more seriously as they tend to recognise how far along they are in their labour. So the midwives should admit you before you are 8cm this time...

Most people find second births less traumatic than first ones.

I think you should talk to your midwife about how you're feeling. For what it's worth, I had stitches first time (not as bad as yours I don't think) for second degree tears. And they have me the choice about whether to have them second time round as I tore, err, less! (I asked the midwife what she would do and she said she'd have them - so obviously I did too!)

Can't help with the fast labour reassurance bit I'm afraid. Am also pretty nervous about that bit (babies 1 and 2 were 'precipitous', and 2nd was half time of the first...). My 'plan' is to call an ambulance if necessary (and not to dither about making the call)!

I agree that being a second time mum gets you listened to more. I was left alone on the ward and ignored after being induced the first time, even though my contractions started straight away and were strong and at three minute intervals.

After being repeatedly told it was too early to give me any pain relief they ended up running me down to the delivery suite as I was fully dilated.

No one questioned me the second time, even though I'd only been having contractions for 20 minutes. I still had stitches though, but it was only a couple so I wasn't in anywhere near as much main afterwards.

Sorry to hear you had such a bad experience the first time round. Have you considered a home birth? I had one for my first birth. It was a 'difficult birth' in many ways eg long labour, long pushing, baby wrong position, meconium at the end etc. but my memory of it is very positive and not having to make the journey into hospital made a big difference. Having said that, I'm having a hospital birth this time because I've moved to a new area and I don't have much faith in the community midwives here which makes all the difference. Because I'm having a hospital birth I'm much more scared of this birth, last time round I was really positive. I was not prepared for how painful it would be but I don't think that's a bad thing. I'm really nervous about travelling during labour and the potential for being sent home if I go in too early.

I had a similar experience OP. I was only 37 weeks and they didn't take me seriously that I was properly in labour. Was put in a waiting room in excruciating pain to be assessed. When they saw that I was climbing the walls with pain, I was rushed to delivery suite where I was 7cm and my waters were ballooning around baby's head and putting pressure on my spine. It was horrendous. Fingers crossed this time that they'll believe me when the time comes seeing as I'm not a first-timer!

Have you looked into a home birth? I think it may be worth considering given how quick the first one came. A more relaxed atmosphere and better support should make that level of stitches less likely.

That said, I'm a complete chicken and am going for an elective!

Does your hospital have a 'birth afterthoughts' service.I had a traumatic first birth and was referred to this and it was really helpful.
Also is there any way you can go to a different hospital this time?That place sounds horrendous!!

I don't want to do it again as it was awful. If I ever have another, which I doubt after last time, I plan to go for a c section. I hope you have a much better experience this time round!

That sounds quite traumatic. Would you consider a home birth?

Is there a known-midwife scheme where you are? Apologies if that sounds odd I've just translated it from the language where I am. You see the same 3 midwives during your PG and then one of them will be on duty when you give birth. That way you can discuss in advance the things that are worrying you and they will be able to take it into account.

Who is your birthing partner this time? Did you have one last itme? You really need to get them to be your advocate. eg DH will be talking to the MW as soon as we arrive, telling her that last time I got no pain relief, everything was done to me, and that they didnt wait for the anasthetic to take effect before stitching me up. The hospital stay afterwards was actually ok which I think helped. Would you consider or be able to afford a doula?

I'm having a home birth this time. I decided today actually cause i kept bursting into tears at how scared i am about having a quick delivery and not making it to hospital in time. All of the women in my family have quick second, and subsequent, births. One of my aunties had her next door neighbour deliver her second child. Nightmare. I'm less terrified now i know i don't have to 'make it' anywhere.

What has your midwife said? I spoke to mine today and she was so reassuring.

Thanks for all the replies! X

I did really consider a home birth after reading all your helpful advice, (i had stated on birthplan natural type birth at birthing center) although the midwife called yesterday to say unfortunately they've found a UTI in my sample (a rare type i was told although she didnt mention which one) i've been told as soon as i'm in labour i'll need to be attached to a drip to stop infection passing vaginally to baby.

So waterbirth and homebirth are both out of the question, and it seems as i feared most i will be attached to something and therefor flat on my back, which is exactly how i didnt want this birth to be.

I feel like a bit of a tatty for complaining and worrying when in reality all that matters is i have a healthy baby in the end, i just feel recovery with forcepts is sooo slow, and i feel that being immobile will increase my chances of having to go through all that again.

Its funny because i had promised myself that i would not under any circumstances have an epidural/ spinal mainly due to recovery (not being able to move until the next morning, couldnt pick baby up when she wanted feeding yet no help from midwifes, the fact i still to this day get horrendous lower back pain while sitting for an hour) AND the fact that i had no control over pushing which i think will more likely lead to tears and forcepts etc. So as i'd promised myself i wouldnt have an epidural i thought that the increased "mobility" during labour would be the reward, but now it appears i wont have any mobility anyway!

Thanks to the advice I did raise my concerns with the midwife at my checkup, and she pretty much said what a lot of PPs have said about second time mums being listened to more which is reassuring. Her advice since my last labour was so quick and we now live further away was to call an ambulance but i'm not sure how i feel about that? I feel like they might see me as a time waster or something :S

I think this post is long enough thank you for reading if you got this far and thank you for the advice/ support/ and sharing your stories :) x

I'd follow the advice to call the ambulance and not worry, trust me they see plenty of actual time wasters and if your mw has advised you I wouldn't hesitate. It doesn't definitely follow you'll have interventions this time round, fingers crossed for you.

Midwife has said call an ambulance and as you now know you need IV medication when in labour you need to get there and processed ASAP. hopefully being in an ambulance may mean you are triaged quicker too? I would hope so.

If it is just a drip you are connected to they can come on stands with wheels - all mine have. So you can use a ball, mats on floor, even short walks I think - worth an ask?

I agree with the others, don't worry about being thought of as a time waster, you know how your previous labour was and midwife advised you.

Also, as a second time mom midwives were quick to have me come in straight away even though I felt I could wait it out a bit longer. I went in an hour after I called and they were brilliant. I wasn't progressed far but they gave me a tens machine to use and let me decide if I wanted to stay or head home and come back later. I decided to head home and was there for an hour before had to return as the pain got intense.

My first DC was born in the morning so DH was there all day which was great. This time round my DC was born at night so DH had to leave shortly after and I was left to get on with it alone and in pain, which I hated. However I did get to head home by noon the next day so it wasn't for too long.

I think a large part of the experience depends on who you have around you. I had friendly midwives and my DH was an excellent birth partner. So here is to you getting great midwives to get you through!