Pregnant after previous losses

[pocketsized]

Hi All,

I have been lurking for a while, but this is pretty much my first post - sorry that it is such a long one.

A little bit of background....DH and I have been TTC for around 3 years, in that time we have had a MMC and an ectopic pregnancy. Both of these happened fairly close together, and at the same time as a lot of other stressful events in our lives. Needless to say I didn't cope with this period of time very well, not helped by chronic pain (that later required surgery.)

Fast forward to now and I am 15 weeks pregnant (almost) and hugely anxious. I think my coping mechanism has been to pretend that this pregnancy isn't really happening, despite already having had 3 scans which quite clearly so it is, and that everything is progressing as it should. I can't bring myself to 'talk' to this baby, or discuss the pregnancy with anyone other than my DH. I'm just so terrified of things going wrong (I know that logically that is now very unlikely) that I can't get excited about it. I had hoped that the 12 week scan would allay some of my fears and that I would start feeling better, but that was a couple of weeks ago now and I am not feeling like this is any more real.

I have started telling my collegues at work about my pregnancy, thinking that maybe saying it out loud over and over would help it sink in, but actually I've just found it really hard. We have no other children and everyone just keeps saying how excited I must been, and joking about how much baby stuff I must have started buying. That is so different to how I actually feel that I'm afraid I just mumble and find a reason to escape the conversation.

I suppose that I am just here to see if anyone else is feeling the same, I don't really know anyone else in RL who has admitted to previous losses, and I don't want to freak out any of my pregnant friends who have not had this experience by talking to them about it. The midwife has been excellent, and offered extra appointments etc but would love to know I'm not a total weirdo and that others understand these feelings.....

Hi pocket, there is a whole big thread of ladies who are pg after (various numbers of) MC. They are very friendly and helpful, and we've even had a large no of grads to new mum status in the last few weeks.
It is entirely normal to struggle and feel as you do after a MC, it is hard to relax and take pregnancy in your stride, hard to trust your body and hard to let go. Please come and chat to the other ladies - unfortunately, you are far, far from being alone.

ooh, thanks CorporeSarnie - I must have missed that one somehow. Thank you for replying, I really appreciate knowing it's not just me....

Pocket, I could've written your post a few months ago. It took me until around 20 weeks to feel even the tiniest bit confident that I might actually end up with a baby at the end of this pregnancy. I didn't buy anything, told very few people, and found it hard to relate to other peoples' excitement about my pregnancy as all I felt was pessimistic and disconnected.

My 7 and 12 week scans reassured me for a few hours and then I was back to square one. My partner was great, but I think he was just as scared that things would go wrong again.

Anyway, I'm now almost 31 weeks, and have still bought very little, but once I started to feel the baby moving at around 23 weeks I relaxed a lot, and passing 'viability' at 24 weeks was also helpful.

I'm sure that you will find the same but, if you do find yourself struggling, don't be afraid to talk about it with your mw or close friends, better out than in I think, and you'd be amazed how many women feel the same. Good luck.

Hi Pocket,

As perhaps my nn suggests, I have also been in your position.

I was anxious all the way through my pregnancy, but did find sharing my concerns and increased scans and appointments helped a little.

I didn't publicise my pregnancy and also only got the basics in.

All ended well though, but I'm not sure whether I'll feel that different this time around, but there is great support to be found on here.