Books for a mum-to-be

[smokeandglitter]

Hello everyone

16 weeks this saturday and so starting to feel more like I can plan for the wonderful baby growing inside me. I'm a bookworm and will be a first time mum so I'd love some reccomendations of good books about looking after the baby. Which books have you found best? Which have you gone back to when you actually have the baby? Which ones have said things which really resonated with you?

I still think that Libby Purves' How Not To Be A Perfect Mother is good on some things that few other people seem to discuss at all, partly because she's not afraid to be quite dogmatic. It probably seems very dated now. But I think she's great on 'feeling the chaos and doing it anyway' breastfeeding and on quite specific early patches of what you actually DO with a baby (always a bit of a mystery, though it helps to have grandparents around).

Sorry Gennz, didn't mean to cause any offence, it's just been my personal experience that people who have tried to stick to those schedules have had lots of issues.

Yes I think being dogmatic about the schedules would be a nightmare! Really depends on the baby I think.

What Mothers do (especially when it looks like nothing) - I hugely recommend this book.
Not a baby handbook per se - but, my, what a godsend and eye-opener.

Second the 'best friends guide to pregnancy' . Hated the fat ladies club. Not ideal to read when you're hormonal, if its the one I think it is.

I strongly recommend
the Sears' Baby Book especially if you think you'll lean more towards the attachment parenting end of the spectrum rather than rigid routines. Very comprehensive.

I loved 'bump' by kate Evans. It is mostly about pregnancy and birth though. She's also written one about breastfeeding.

I liked the happiest baby book by Harvey Karp (?), his tips worked really well for dd when she was tiny.

Now she's a bit older I've found toddler calm really good.

I'm probably the only person who hated the week by week book. Dd was born prematurely and was never doing what the book said she should be. I gave it to the charity shop because it was making me worry.

What mothers do is also great.

MsBug I agree the week by week book could be quite disconcerting if your baby isn't at exactly the stage the book says it 'should' be at. It's good to hear that not all babies conform to each week exactly as described.

Having said that, as a complete baby novice having the basic info all in one place like how many layers to put on the baby in certain temperatures (yep I'm that basic!!) is good for those silly questions you feel too embarrassed to ask the HV repeatedly.

To be completely honest I think most baby/parenting books cause more stress than are actually helpful and I would avoid all of them. Many are highly opinionated and based on little more than the experience of one individual. Many are quite dogmatic about 'their way' for no very good reason.

The most interesting book on parenting I found was a history of advice to parents, which showed how the advice changed over the years (often reintroducing older ideas that had been discredited by the last generation of 'experts'). I think a lot of advice is very faddish really.

If your library has a good selection of parenting books take out a selection and look through them to get a flavour of the differences, from strict routine to total attachment and everything in between. Try not to make your mind up about what you will do though because every baby is different (as are their parents)

nooka what's the name of that history of parenting book? Sounds really interesting.

With my pregnancy this year it seems that anyone (roughly) over the age of 70 has completely different advice to those under. Would be good to see whether there was a big shift in practices around 50 years ago.

I can't remember bellrub, sorry (my children are teens now so it would be at least ten years old). I found this interesting article here that talks a bit about why parenting advice changes although it is American so some parts are not very relevant to European or UK experiences.

Here's something less academic, but also showing that childcare advice over the ages has sometimes been very odd, and that some of what is being promoted today will be seen the same way in years to come: www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2012/11/bad_baby_advice_a_history.html

Nooka that article is gold! "Sackett also recommended giving babies black coffee from 6 months of age"

Oh yes, the crazy things that parents were told to do. I do hope that most of them thought that the advice was crazy at the time, but I'm sure some people took it as read because it was in a book or the writer had some letters after their name. I think that's still true now, some writers of modern parenting guides come up with all sorts of unsubstantiated rubbish that you then hear repeated like gospel (for example the gender stuff that seems popular now promoted with made up evidence with people like Stephen Biddolph promoting imaginary testosterone surges)

Thank you! This list is great. I am definitely leaning more towards attachment parenting - though am almost definitely going to be unable to breastfeed due to medication. Less likely to go for self-soothing and more towards co-sleeping (thinking of the bedside crib).

Nooka, don't worry about the books causing stress. I'm very headstrong and am the first to say "I don't agree" and go with my opinion/feelings. I've always found all children are so different that what works for one is the opposite of what works for another. I'm just going to use them to get ideas really and seek out advice as my parents didn't have me/my sister as a newborn (we're adopted) and my friends in the area don't have children. I won't be following them strictly.

Also, has anyone read 'The No-Cry Sleep Solution: Gentle Ways to Help Your Baby Sleep Through the Night' by Elizabeth Pantley? What did you think? Does it translate well into English parenting rather than American parenting?

First time parent by Lucy Atkins definitely, its just a practical guide with no drum to bang.

My favourite was the Jo Frost/Supernanny Confident Baby Care. It had a bit of a routine in it that we ended up following (very similar to the Baby Whisperer's 3/4-hour rolling routine) and it also had some good first aid and similar practical sections. Also, it was the only book I read that talked about what to do if you feel like you're losing your temper with a crying baby. I liked that honesty. It can be easy to get frustrated and emotional and I liked the way she said "it's fine, it happens to the best people, put the baby in the cot and stand in the garden for 5 minutes."

smokeandglitter - I quite liked NCSS and didn't find it too U.S. specific.
I also liked Three in a Bed (about co-sleeping).

I sort of agree with nooka that books can be oppressive if you take them too seriously, but my approach to things is research research research so I definitely read dozens of parenting books when expecting my first, and took little bits of what felt right from several.

FWIW, I hated WTEWYE, I thought it was very alarmist and conservative, and I disliked the bossy tone (and, it turns out, the advice too) of the various well-known nanny types.

If you want to browse, you may find many of these books available to borrow from places like NCT or LLL or other parenting groups, as well as libraries.

On the BF and medication question, I hope this isn't overstepping the mark, but if you would otherwise like to consider it, do have a look at this with your doctor www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/detailed-information/drugs-in-breastmilk/ as although some drugs are absolute no-nos, it's fewer than you might think

The food of love by Kate Evans

It is the only book you'll need if you plan on breastfeeding but it's helpful for all aspects of being a mum. It's a pleasure to read (lots of cartoons and illustrations), gives sensible real life advice and is not about rules and routines or 'by now your baby should be.....'

Sorry just saw your post about not breastfeeding. But as you are leaning towards cosleeping and AP style then definitely still read it, honestly. I co slept (with a bedside cosleeper cot) and was even told off for it by a worker at a local childrens centre! And she was even praising other mums for getting their babies in their own rooms at 8 weeks! This book helped me to be sure of what I was doing, that I wasn't some freak. You just might want to skip the breastfeeding tutorial pages, but really there's a lot more to this book than that.

www.nctshop.co.uk/Babybay-Bedside-Cot/productinfo/4361/

PS. This was my bedside cot, just in case you're looking for recommendations. It costs a fortune but they're made in Germany and you can order it from amazon.de a lot cheaper and it's only €15 shipping .

I'll stop harassing you now, sorry! X