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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Need some advise plz .... :(

19 replies

pika123 · 30/09/2014 22:07

Hello to who ever read this and thank you. I am 33 weeks pregnant(first baby) and I am feeling well... I think depressed. I am excited about my baby coming but the stresses of work and other stuff are getting me down. I do not know what to do, my hubby just tells me to get signed off sick but that in itself is stressing me out cause I have never taken a day off sick ever. His constant pressure to do go off sick is stressing me out. I have a UTI which wont clear but I hate being off sick as I dont want to let my staff or my bosses down as they will just have a go and make me feel guilty (esp the bosses) Also the pressure I am under at work is crazy, there has been no let up in anything. My job is in retail mgrment. I also have not been allowed the time off I need so badly at the end of Oct which aint helping. I have no time for myself and to sort out baby's bits (I have not got anything as I am working so much, days off are appointment days plus i sleep when i can ) It is not if this is normal to feel this mental and physical fatigued, lose weight , a curved lower spine, go off eating and just become a shell of myself. I should not have to constantly in tears going to work and at work.

I hate the way I look too and I just want me husband to give me some physical attention in the bedroom (or anywhere lol) but he is avoiding it and going to the internet to get his fix. I need a fix too but when i try to get things started he tells me to go away. I have asked why and he say i should be taking the lead more, I have told him it is hard to move with an extra person growing inside but ah well I am just going to have to do it.

Please do not doubt me I love my little wiggly amazing baby inside me and I know in my heart and soul that baby is fine and happy and it has two soon to be parents that would do anything for it, it is me that needs to be helped. I am not enjoying this feelings and I need some unbiased help and advise from people who many/or know how to help. Hence why I have waffled on my first post ever.

Thanks in advance for spending the time to read this...

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smokeandglitter · 30/09/2014 22:17

I think taking time off would help. Your uti is probably not helping things and you need a chance to recover. Can you chat to your gp or midwife about how your feeling? It can be so hard. Congrats on your baby, no one will doubt your love for it.

Sorry for shortness of reply - just finished work and brain not in gear! Didn't want to read and run.

Original poster

pika123 · 30/09/2014 22:54

Thanks for the reply. I have an appointment but I don't want to go. I don't want to be signed off. I don't want to let people down anywhere at work or at home. Stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea. X

OP posts:

laurita42 · 01/10/2014 00:18

I know this probably doesn't come easily to you - but I think you need to be selfish and put your health before anything else. You need time off, and if your doc/mw will sign you off, you should take it. Really hope you feel better soon, and good luck to you & your family.

HVB79 · 01/10/2014 00:24

Sorry to hear you're not feeling great. If you don't want to be signed off sick, perhaps consider starting your maternity leave a bit earlier? I think you should also be given time off for antenatal appointments. Do try to get some rest in before the baby comes, and look after yourself!

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 01/10/2014 00:32

Your work dont seem very appreciative or supportive so quite honestly you need to chuck that guilt in the Fuck It Bucket and get yourself some time off.

Rest, get some meds for the UTI and statt enjoying the little time that is left of your pregnancy.

juneavrile · 01/10/2014 08:22

Can I suggest that you get the UTI fixed as a priority. You don't want it to get worse or travel up to your kidneys where it can cause you real pain. Go and see your doctor for tests and possibly a penicillin prescription. It's not a great idea to have sex while you have a uti anyway.

Baby things can be bought online. Why not relax with the computer and look at some of your fave shops. There's a good 'what you need checklist' on mumsnet that you can print out and start buying / ticking off.

purplemurple1 · 01/10/2014 08:32

Are you and your partner working together to prepare for the baby, could you split the jobs you need to do so he can get on with somethings?
Have you made a list or plan of what you need to get done?

Personally I would also either go off sick or take maternity leave. Your work don't seem to care about your health and probably haven't fulfilled their legal duty to do a risk assessment and adjust your work as needed - both what you do and how much to take account of your health and capabilities during your pregnancy. You could raise it with your head office hr but I doubt it will help.

Chipandspuds · 01/10/2014 08:42

I hate calling in sick at work too, but do you know what, you're growing a person and you need to look after yourself first not your work!

devoncreamtea · 01/10/2014 08:43

You need a rest, you sound tired and worried and a rest will fix it. This is a massive deal for you and your DH, particularly if it is your first. Pregnancy is not an illness, but it's not a breeze either and at 33 wks with a uti you are absolutely entitled to some time off.

Get a week - do NOTHING except rest and eat well - reassess - consider ONLY what will make you feel better and either take another week , start mat leave early or go back, but go back with a date to start mat leave of no later than 36 weeks. That's my advice. You need this time and when you are rested and well nourished and you have a plan to stop work you will feel a hundred times better.

Please don't worry, it is normal to feel overwhelmed at this point - you are not letting anyone down by listening to your body and addressing your needs.

Good luck!

Original poster

pika123 · 01/10/2014 16:15

Thanks for the advise. I have made an appointment with the gp to see what can be done. I also have a consultant appointment on Fri and I am going to see if he can help. I know in my self I haven't got the energy or strength to give birth. I know I am going to get a lot of grief from work if I take a sick notemail in. Works does not either because there is another woman who is pregnant and I seem to be the one she goes to all the time (there ain't much between us) and she is stressing me out as she is demanding from the me all the help and support physical and mentally. I don't want to upset anyone by doing this. I am constantly changing my mind on want to do though. Ah well deep breath and out a smile on my face again. X

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ThinkIveBeenHacked · 01/10/2014 16:23

I was signed off work eight weeks before my due date and can honestly say it has been the best decision I ever made. I felt incredible guilt at doing so, however my physical and mental wellbeing has improved dramatically, and I was nowhere near as down or stressed as you were. I think it took me about five days off to stop feeling the guilt and start feeling the benefits of genuine stress free rest.

SilverStars · 01/10/2014 16:37

Hi how you are sounds normal to me for someone who is not far from maternity leave, ill with a UTI and had annual leave request turned down. Like others said you can self certificate with illness for 5 working days and after that a sick note. after 36 weeks pregnancy if still off ill you then usually have to start maternity leave at 36 weeks.

Do you have any annual leave left to take this year? if so can you take some of that? Day a week until start ML? Or a few days. that way it is not a sickness issue and you can use that time to shop and get house ready.

Funkyfairy2004 · 01/10/2014 16:55

I'm sorry you are feeling so crappy, I suggest discussing your feelings with your midwife, I suffer from anxiety and depression and since I have been pregnant the medical professionals have been very good at monitoring how I'm coping. I would also suggest that signing off sick from work might initially make you feel guilty but when you start to feel better it will be worth it! You and baby are more important than work and they will just have to manage, they are going to have to get on with it when baby comes! Take care of yourself xx

WhyOWhyWouldYou · 01/10/2014 17:45

As someone whose mother and brother both worked in retail management for years, I know what a shit job it can be, the ridiculous hours they expect from you, the take take take attitude they have, whilst never giving anything back.

Right now your priority needs to be you and your baby. Screw everyone else. Sounds harsh but I know you will have given that company far more than they actually pay you for, so you shouldn't feel guilty for taking the time necessary for you and your baby's health. If they try to make you feel guilty, which I know in all likelyhood they will, ignore them, just remember the two most important things in this situation are your health and your baby's health.

UpUpAndAway123 · 01/10/2014 18:14

Fuck work-your health and baby more important-everybody feels guilty when they are off sick but work shouldn't be saying anything-they are not allowed. I finished work at 30 weeks this time (6 weeks annual leave and then maternity) and have felt brilliant-I honestly think that if I worked later thwn I too wouldn't feel prepared for labour/birth/baby.
Seriously, from someone who's young mum has just bern diagnosed with terminal cancer-no one ever wishes they spent more time at work on their death bed-work will be there for many years to come, but right now you need to look after you as it seems that your job is at the route of your current problems. With regards to hubby you need to tell him how you are feeling-you should be satisfying each other not him with the bloody computer! x

Original poster

pika123 · 01/10/2014 20:56

Thank you soo much all of you. I see my consultant on Friday and I will speak to him and see what he thinks is best for me and baby. Hopefully he can help me. I will need to get a sick note as work will be fussy and it would also save me ringing constantly and getting guilty tripped. I have told my hubby how I am feeling but he only sees that I should be off and be happy healthy me and stuff work but he doesn't see the otherside. (the nagging and stress of working 40 plus hrsm etc) I know it is getting bad when I cry going into work, at work and even on the way home. Going to speak to someone is going to be the hardest step I take. Again thank you all means alot. :)

OP posts:

LolaBelle211 · 01/10/2014 21:23

I could have written most of this post when pregnant with dd1. I was also a retail manager with a uti and a massive amount of stress on my shoulders. It can be such a thankless job and believe me it is so not worth the time and effort we give to it! I ended up signed off with stress. Once your baby is here your priorities will instantly change and you will wonder why the things that bother you now ever even crossed your mind. Listen to your body and your husband, give yourself a break and don't worry how they will cope without you! The reality is they will have to manage and you need to let it be someone else's problem. I really sympathise, I know it's hard to walk away when you really care but it doesn't sound like they are giving you the same care in return. Focus on you, your family and meeting your beautiful baby. That's what's important!

Original poster

pika123 · 03/10/2014 10:24

I took the steps and I told my consultant inbetween floods of tears and the hubby filling in when i could not speak how I felt and I have been signed off 4 weeks. The decision is mine whether I want to go back after two weeks and not get forced on the leave. However on the flip side I feel incredibly guilty and awful for going off sick. My hubby is taking the note in and is telling them to leave me alone for at least ten days and then go and see the boss to talk about going back to finish

OP posts:

PlumFairy2014 · 03/10/2014 10:55

Good on you. I think you'll be suprised how much better you feel without work hanging over you. Focus on you and baby.

I had to be signed off from 28 weeks. No allowances were made at work for being pregnant and it was a similar (ish) environment, management didn't give a hoot. You and baby are the most important people in this! I've worked in retail management, they pick up and drop people so I wouldn't feel guilty at all. You're also protected by all sorts of law so they should leave you alone.

I would take the whole sick note then go onto maternity, which is what I did. I found not coming home angry and upset then leaving for work angry and upset made a big difference for me and DH too. I was like a different person after a couple of weeks, no blood pressure problem and my sickness got better too. So I enjoyed baby shopping and just having a good old sit down with a cup of tea and no calls or emails. :)

Wishing you all the best OP!

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