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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Extra people getting involved!

29 replies

ohthegoats · 29/09/2014 11:03

I can't believe some of the stories I've read on here about MILs, SILs, friends, mums etc getting just faaaaar too involved in others' pregnancies, childbirth and first few weeks.

I've been extremely lucky. My parents in law wanted to come and stay afterwards (first two weeks) I think, but I sat them down early on to say that wasn't going to happen. There was some light arguing back, but realistically they know I'd put my foot down. My parents wouldn't even think of being involved to that degree unless specifically asked. None of them have volunteered opinions about my actual pregnancy, it's all been very laid back - they've remembered consultant appointments and scan dates, and phoned to find out how they went, but that's it. Both have offered to buy things, which we've been quite prescriptive about - I didn't want to buy much, so ended up giving them a list, and no one has deviated from the list. It's been great. I was due yesterday, and apart from people asking me if it's here or not yet, it's all still laid back - I'll ideally not tell them I'm in labour, and then be able to give them some exciting news (they are definitely all excited).

Give me your stories about 'others' and your pregnancy/birth/afterwards - positive OR negative. I'm one week in to mat leave and just starting to get a bit bored.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TwigletFiend · 29/09/2014 11:18

90% certain DP's DM is planning to turn up at the hospital while I'm in labour. I've told DP under pain of being kicked in the balls that he's absolutely NOT to let anyone know unless okaying it with me first.

DP has an older brother who has a difficult relationship with his sons' mother. DP's DM went to the hospital with her when she was having the second one. She had a problematic labour and was rushed into theatre for EMCS - DP's DM complained to me the other day that, 'I sat there for bloody hours while she was in labour, then she had to have a section and I wasn't even there for the delivery. I felt so cheated!'

UpduffedFatty · 29/09/2014 11:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

ohthegoats · 29/09/2014 11:37

I wasn't even there for the delivery.

Oh my god, that's hilarious. Awful, obviously.. but just what? On what occasions would it be the normal expectation for your partners parents to see your vagina? People...

OP posts:

Original poster

ohthegoats · 29/09/2014 11:42

I haven't told my parents which hospital I'm going to - they'll only need to know if I have time for visitors there (which in an ideal world, I won't have).

OP posts:

dancestomyowntune · 29/09/2014 11:45

No way would I want the in laws at the birth! Ever! In a zillion years!!!

My mum has been at all of babies births though. The second one she almost missed (she was at a party 300 miles away when I went into Labour, arrived just as I was starting to push!). I was crying, saying I wanted my mum and with thAt she walked in.

ToriB34 · 29/09/2014 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwigletFiend · 29/09/2014 11:56

ohthegoats, given that DP has an ex whom his entire family refer to as 'the minge flasher', this is clearly not an uncommon occurrence...

Jemima1988 · 29/09/2014 13:28

I'm having this problem at the minute.
I'm due on Friday my bfs sister and dad want to wait outside the room while I'm giving birth!!! she asked yesterday 2 be told as soon as I go into labour so she can get 2 the hospital.
I pointed out I won't be at the hospital then, there is NO visiting on the delivery suite and depending on what time I give birth they may have 2 wait till visiting times on maternity ward which could be hours ......... There is no talking 2 her, my bf says I won't even know they are there so what's the harm.
THE HARM my love is that I would like a bit if mummy daddy and baby time after the birth and tell people they can visit when I am ready for them 2 visit

am I being a bitch?

TinyMonkey · 29/09/2014 14:33

I'm absolutely the same as you goats. My parents wouldn't dream of gatecrashing, neither would my partner's family. Not telling anyone when I go into labour either.

Depending on how I feel afterwards, first visitors will be after a few days at home just us. I don't feel under any pressure from either family, it's great.

northernnomad · 29/09/2014 14:53

Not had any issues with family getting involved after the birth (due in 3 weeks) because DH's family live abroad, but did have issues at the start when DH told my FIL I was expecting and he literally told the whole community resulting in neighbours finding out before DH has even told his brothers and extended family - I was only 6 weeks gone at the time. I was absolutely furious and it caused lots of issues but since that everyone has been very supportive.

woodwaj · 29/09/2014 15:04

I love this thread its so empowering haha! Anyone other than my dp at the hospital and i will launch the gas & air at their heads! Im fast realising the not telling them approach is the best. Unfortunately the inlaws with be staying with us though id rather they didnt but they live abroad and it won't be for long keeps saying that and i would just feel too guilty asking them to pay for a hotel when we have the space

Original poster

ohthegoats · 29/09/2014 15:08

Another problem I'd have with people staying from abroad, is them being around when I'm in labour. What if I've got 24 hours moaning and mooing around my house, blocking up the bathroom? I don't really want anyone else there. As it is I'll likely have builders around the house (or at least outside), which is worrying me enough.

OP posts:

ToAvoidConversation · 29/09/2014 15:14

My MIL did say something about being in the hospital whilst I was in labour but not in the room. She wasn't thinking about it really I don't think because she hates hospitals. I'm hoping for a quick discharge so hoping people can wait until we get home but who knows.

DH is not allowed to mention labour to anyone. That way we don't have any problems.

Thumbwitch · 29/09/2014 15:14

My MIL was over from Australia for Ds1's birth. She arrived the week before he was due and then he went 2w over and I had to be induced. NO WAY was she ever going to be at the birth, but then she didn't expect/ask/want to be.
Because she's relatively sane.
The reason I asked her to come was because my own mum had died when I was 20w pg, so I thought it would be nice to have someone around who had done it all before. I wasn't quite prepared for my "MY baby!" instincts to kick in quite so strongly afterwards and nearly bit through my tongue a few times trying not to say "DON'T DO THAT! DON'T SAY THAT! RAAAHHHHH!"
(She was only clapping him on the bum, entirely too hard for my liking but it appears normal for Australians! And then telling me/him/ anyone listening that he was "filling his duds" ARGGGGHHHHHHHH!!)

LinaDee · 29/09/2014 15:15

Jemima - you are not being a bitch!

Your bfs family are being selfish and need to consider what you and your bf want for the labour and first few hours after your child's birth.
Labour is a scary and vulnerable time.
They need to take a step back !

Loveallmyboys · 29/09/2014 15:18

No chance of any interfering from OHs parents. Their first grandchild was born and 2 weeks later we were still waiting for a visit! In the end we ended up going to visit them... 100miles away! So, post-birth and with a tiny newborn, we had to negotiate the bloody m6!
Pair of selfish assholes have only ever visited us twice, yet get little digs in about never seeing their grandson! Erm, that m6 points in 2 directions you know!
I'm due in December. I won't be making the trip to them so soon after DS3 comes along, that's for sure!
Oh and they've bought bugger all for this baby(nor have they offered) and only bought us a cheap Moses basket last time . whereas my dad has bought us the pram and other bits. BOTH TIMES!

FirsttimerG · 29/09/2014 19:33

My DPs DM has been told by me that I don't want her at the hospital. I see no point, as with any luck we will be home quickly if its straight forward and if it isn't, we will need her to help us with the house / animals.
She had a sulk about it, but she's also under the impression that she will be taking the baby for days early on, which of course she won't be on her own (I will hopefully be breast feeding)
My DP likes to take the easy road with her and the path of least resistance, which usually means my requirements come second.

Hence I told her myself and I am putting my foot down. So none of you who think you are being mean are - it is your body and your choice, in my opinion!

OP - I wish my DPs DM was like yours!

xxx

beth1987 · 29/09/2014 20:07

It seems as soon as you are pregnant people seem to feel the need to ask all your personal medical information! Maybe I am miserable but like to keep a bit of privacy.
My OH's mother seems to think I am going to stay in her freezing cold farmhouse after birth, er no! She can make an effort to give her son some time off from work t come home. Grrr.

bambi07 · 29/09/2014 21:16

My mum is my MW, although she won't be taking the lead during the actual birth and preferably will be staying up top but I'm pretty sure she won't be able to help herself! I want her there just to ensure everyone is doing what they should be doing, as I won't have a clue.

MIL on the other hand will be NOWHERE near!! She has been an absolute nightmare since day one and although starting to improve, I still dont need her there telling me exactly what I'm doing wrong (her favourite topic!). My DP doesn't want her there either so hopefully we can baracade the door, although she lives next door so when we come home the floodgates will open and I'm sure I will find out just how terrible a mother I am! XX

liesal79 · 30/09/2014 08:31

OH MY GOD!
My MIL is a nightmare! we told them both at 14 weeks after the scan (date was moved) and she immediately asked for weekly updates! This is our 5th Pregnancy, as the others ended in Miscarriage.
I told her that it was pointless calling everyweek to just say "im still pregnant!"
We have called her after every scan to let them know. She called last week and left a long rambling message basically saying that she hopes I don't lose the baby this time - im 28 weeks! Why now!
She also wants to be there for 2 weeks after baby is born, which is not happening as the "your not doing it right" would drive me mental!

I feel like I am pulling my hair out. She and FIL smoke like troopers, and I have already banned them from smoking in my house (DH has severe asthma) so they go outside, but I don't want smoke anywhere near my baby, and don't want them holding him if they have just been for a fag! GRRR!!!

FirsttimerG · 30/09/2014 09:09

We have the smoking problem too - and my DP also has terrible asthma (coincidence?! I think not!)
And his mum lives literally next door. When she sees us open the curtains in the morning, she takes it as a cue that she can start coming round.
Yesterday she visited 6 times.
Imagine that when the baby comes. :(

redexpat · 30/09/2014 09:15

Theres a bit of a generation gap i think. Our parents didnt have 2 weeks paternity leave, so had their parents come and stay immediately after the birth.. Once you point that out they generally back off a bit.

JennyBlueWren · 30/09/2014 12:22

My ILs are fine generally although MIL can be a bit annoying at times (she felt really well in the second trimester apparently; now would be a good time to eat healthily). They've not mentioned visiting after baby's born but can just about come down and back in a day.

I'd love to have my parents on hand afterwards as they are practical and helpful. Due to the distance they'll be flying up so I've recommended they book for two weeks after EDD so that there will be a baby here when they come up. My mum is well aware of how much advice has changed since she had children (this will be their second grandchild) and I'm good at ignoring her advice anyway.

dancestomyowntune · 01/10/2014 07:14

I am 12 weeks pregnant... last weekend I had major upset when in laws bought a second hand travel system. I am sure I am the world's most ungrateful/snobby/selfish cow, but I had not chosen this pram, will not put my baby in a second hand car seat for safety reasons and want to choose my own. That didn't go down too well. They did manage to get their money back but I am dreading seeing them because I know my name will be mud!

FirsttimerG · 01/10/2014 09:29

I am still having this problem now! We have a new travel system but DPs DM wants her own buggy (charity shop death trap) to take baby around the park on her own.
I've already told her she can just use the normal buggy when we get to that stage and that I will be doing the same. But she seems to be developing this weird possessiveness over her unborn grandchild! You are not alone lol!
You're right to say no though, safety of baby comes first, feelings second! Xxx

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