Sex is different and hurts

[SlinkyTrinky]

I've namedchanged for this because I'm a little bit embarrassed.

I'm 25 weeks pregnant and ever since 6 weeks sex has been different. There's a big height difference between me and my partner, and we've always struggled to "fit" as such. On more than one occasion in the past I've tore and bled ect. ( See why I namedchanged, I'm cringing even writing this down ) but over the years I've got used to him as such and things have got a little bit better.

Apart from while I've been pregnant, since 6 weeks sex has been horrible, it's really hurt and he just won't fit even though I'm Definetly ready. Why is this?

Last night was the worst it really hurt trying to get in and when wed finished I realised I'd tore and was bleeding. What's gone on where I've shrunk? Why's this happened? Google has been no help so seeing if anyone's had any experience of this?

Really don't want to ask my midwife it's horribly embarrassing

Also if I'm bleeding when he's going in how bad is the damage going to be when my baby comes out!!! Just having awful awful visions of the birth

Have a read on www.vaginismus.com, think that might answer some of you fears and questions.

Sounds awfully like vaginismus to me too but if it's causing you tearing i'd start by seeing a doctor. Personally I found seeing a sexual psychotherapist helpful (with my DH) just to have someone to talk to about it because as you say it's very embarrassing! And using relaxation techniques a bit like natal hypnotherapy ones, but there are other avenues you can go down i think.

As for the birth, my only concern is the internal exams so I have written that on my birth plan, and that I'd like gas and air where possible - my understanding is that contractions and the instinct to push come from a completely different area to your vagina, which is a small step in the grand scheme of things! At least that's what I'm telling myself at 38 weeks... Also read Ina May Gaskin's guide to childbirth on what your body is capable of, it shows how connected your mind and body can be.

You have my sympathy! It is a miserable thing, especially during such a big time when you want to be close to your partner. But do get help about it, there are things you can do, and things down there often feel 'different' during pregnancy

One last thing, maybe get the bleeding checked out so you're sure where its coming from?

I had a similar problem for years before I had DS1. I was always ready, but it just didn't seem to work out. Also, if it was ok, then I hurt afterwards. In hindsight, this ruined my sex life for a long time. This was in the days before lube was so readily available - you had to ask for ky jelly at the chemist counter, along with the condoms . You can plenty gentle, natural lubes now, like Yes, Sylk, (just look at the menopause theads!). Some of the fancy ones will probably cause irritiation.

I would also make an appt with the doctor - it may need some cream to help healing, or maybe some oestrogen cream would help, if skin is a little thin.

FWIW, I had no problems after DS1- quite the opposite. I have had a repair op and worried about going back to this, but everything is fine.

I'm in a similar boat, but didn't have issues before pregnancy. I don't consciously have any hang ups about sex during pregnancy, but I can't imagine it's a physical issue, so I think for me it must be a subconscious psychological thing about not wanting to be penetrated watching with interest.

I could be changes in tissues, due to hormones. Some people have problems during breast feeding too.

With mine, I am sure it was down to tight bits of hymen remaining.