How to announce a third pregnancy to someone who is likely to respond negatively?

[ThereMustAndShallBeTea]

I'm 11 weeks pregnant with our third (planned and much wanted) child and obviously getting close to thinking about telling people.

My mum has made it clear that she doesn't think we should have a third (though she has form for this, so maybe it just depends which day I catch her on ...) and I'm dreading the conversation. Any suggestions as to how to approach and how to stop her pissing on my bonfire? So tempted just not to tell!

Also a lesser issue is we have a few close family members and friends who have either no children or fewer than they would have liked, and three just seems a bit ... greedy With the previous two, we've done more elaborate/fun announcements, and this time I feel like saying "Erm, yeah, so we're having another baby, really sorry if that offends anyone" and then just sloping off sheepishly. Argh. Overthinking probably.

My mum was the sort of person that never wanted children, she didn't like them and still doesn't really. Having said that, my parents went on to have 4 of us - me being the eldest. My mum is the most incredible woman and my best best friend. She has a unique relationship with each of us and she understands us all. It wasn't always plain sailing though... My nan (mums side) was convinced that by having more than 2 children, it killed you - her own mother died a few months after giving birth to twins (although she has never divulged the actual medical reason for her death). My mum miscarried between the 3rd and 4th.. Because of how my nan reacted and she treated her... My advice is this: if you are financially, emotionally, physically able to support your 3rd, 4th, 5th whatever child.. You crack on! I believe in genuine concern for the welfare of mothers and babies when the situation isn't always brilliant... But, you and your partner have planned this baby - love it with everything you have. Some people aren't always as fortunate, but hey - if we looked at life that way, we wouldn't ever do anything!! Congrats! :)

Thank you, that's made me cry

Oh bless you! Like I said, we would never do anything if we always worried about what others thought.. The fact you are blessed with 2 and 1 on the way is a wonderful thing! :) enjoy it and sod everyone else!! :)

I just recently told my mom that I'm pregnant with #3. I prefaced with "I am already freaking out, so I need you to not have a crazy reaction." :o. She came through admirably.

I'm also dreading spilling the beans as dreading ppls reactions, baby number 5, I just feel like ppl are gonna be like 'oh another baby, and what' its so horrible. I believe every pregnancy should be treated equally :)

Everyone had a good reaction when we announced our third pregnancy, 22weeks now. A couple of people have asked me if it was planned!! I wasn't quite sure if they wanted it to be an accident, it wasn't!

My mum can be tricky with things like this. She's of the opinion that it's greedy and pushing your luck to have more than two. I'd dropped a few hints over this year that I'd love another so when I announced I was pregnant, she wasn't shocked so had a better reaction than the negative one I feared. I wouldn't say she was thrilled either tho!

Good luck with yours!

Thanks ladies. That made me laugh, Yank

It's not like she doesn't know it's coming, we've always said we wanted three (and she bloody has three too - and said she was dreading telling her MIL about the third!) so it shouldn't really be a surprise - tbh that was why I was surprised when she was so negative last time it came up.

Read some old threads last night where a lot of MNers had had a bad reaction to #3 (apparently the "Was it planned?" thing comes up a lot!) so it's nice to hear people sometimes have good responses too.

I think I might record a message from the DC telling her and email it - I was thinking that I wanted to see her response, because my imagined version of her response could quite possibly be worse than the reality, but perhaps it will be better if she has time to think about it. She can be a bit thoughtless with first reactions!

I'm doing this next month :o

Yes, there is.

If you want to. :)

We told SIL1 that we were expecting DC4 (we lost DC2 at 5 months gestation so things are a bit stressful in pregnancy, but we've always been clear we wanted a big family). Her response (over the phone) was silence and then quite coldly, "Is this happy news? I don't think this sounds like a good idea."

SIL2 at least was unintentionally funny in her response, "But I didn't know you were trying?" No, because we don't announce to the family when we're having unprotected sex!

had a v similar with my own mum in Apr. i wanted to tell her & knew her reaction would depend on the mood i caught her in, but i am notoriously sh*te at guessing those.

psyched myself up for the conversation &then I went for it.

gah, i picked the chamber with the bullet in this round i am sad to say. she cried immediately and there was a big silence. then a disappointed 'was it planned' which i always find a bit of an intrusive qu anyway. i can barely remember how i filled in the gaps & hung up feeling abit numb.

i KNEW it would be controversial as she thought DS still too young for us to have another (he will be 2.3 when DC2 comes) & often said 'you won't be trying for another for a good while will you' Like Dino we don't tend to issue regular bulletins when we are :)

no idea how i could have done planned for a better reaction i am afraid OP, i just hope it goes better for you! please don't feel alone, i bet there are loads of us here who have odd but functioning relationships with our DMs. I usually recommend a glass of wine to assist sanity, but that wouldn't be appropriate in either of our cases

X

Thanks mammy Sorry it didn't go well.

So sorry, Dino that sounds horrible :(

Love that, Yank.

I'm not planning a big showy announcement (I actually hate telling people I'm pregnant), but I'm probably going to have to say something at some point. Though I like the idea of just presenting the finished product with a "Ta da!"

Just wait until it's completely obvious and she has to ask

Avoid avoid avoid

I hate confrontation can you tell !

I just slipped it in the end of the conversation very quickly whilst on the phone. She said, well I guess the wedding's off then

Well yes seeing as it was booked practically on my due date !

We were definitely not trying. I told my mom, "well, I planned one third of them!" :o