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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Telling a friend who suffered a late miscarriage I'm pregnant

6 replies

betenoire2012 · 25/09/2014 12:58

I have an old friend who lost her baby a few months ago, quite late on. I wouldn't say we were very close, although we have known each other since year dot.

She hadn't told me directly that she was pregnant, I learned through someone else on social media. I sent her an email congratulating her, but a few weeks later she got the devastating news, which again I heard through social media not directly. She did, however, tell me about her first pregnancy (she has a healthy little boy aged 3).

I am pregnant, and was so at the time, and am approaching my final weeks. I have kept the pregnancy very private, with only a few family members knowing.

I'm not really one for publicising my business on social media, but was thinking of putting a baby announcement and photo online when he/she makes an appearance....

My question is should I make a point of telling this friend about my pregnancy in advance of the birth, or let her wait until everyone else knows? I wouldn't want her to think I've deliberately held it from her, but at the same time don't want to rub her nose in it.

OP posts:
glowfrog · 25/09/2014 13:06

Tough one. I think it would be better if you told her ahead of times, even though it's going to be quite hard.

Drop her a line to see how she is doing, and let her know then. Tell her you've hardly told anyone about it - if it's your first child, maybe say, again quite gently, that you were hoping for some advice on newborns since she already has a child. And finish with saying that you hope it's ok for you to ask, given the circumstances, and of course she doesn't have to respond.

Then again, emails can be misinterpreted. Maybe you should give her a call?

Fairywhitebear · 25/09/2014 13:12

^^ Oh god I wouldn't do this!!!!

You're not even that close.

I'd just announce your pg as normal tbh. I'd personally find it quite patronising to have someone tiptoe around me like that. Women get pg. It's what happens. Let her be happy for you, and yes, she may be upset privately, but you shouldn't presume that.

I lost at 17 weeks btw.

DinoSnores · 25/09/2014 13:36

I had a late miscarriage and really appreciate the people who told me of their pregnancies by text or letter or email so that I didn't need to deal with it in front of them.

I'd go for an email with general news, with the news of your pregnancy sandwiched in the middle. Don't ask for advice, just make it general news, so that she doesn't have to be suddenly surprised by a birth announcement while checking FB at work or something like that.

thesmallbear · 25/09/2014 13:40

Please don't ask her for advice about newborns, it will come across as insensitive. I have MC'd btw so know a little of what your friend is going through.

Mrwillywonkasbitch · 25/09/2014 13:42

I was in this predicament a couple of years ago and told everyone through social media, I wouldn't pussy foot around her if I was u its not like your best friends

leanne963 · 25/09/2014 18:19

This is an example of what NOT to do.

5 days after I suffered a MC a 'friend' Facebook messaged me saying 'you know that thing that you were, well I am now'

That pretty much broke my heart how she worded it.

I am sure you will be tactful and the fact you are acknowledging her pain shows you are a very sensitive person!

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