Pregnancy stress/depression?

[Gingeete]

I am 14 weeks with our 2nd. Took a year to conceive and 4 early miscarriages. Our 3 year old has special needs, a complex genetic / medical condition which has resulted in the last 3 years of my life being in and out of hospital, taking her to physio,OT, speech therapy etc. I have not found it easy. I have been depressed. I had to give up a job I loved but I can see it has benefited my daughter immensely and I can go back in the future. My world has shrunk, where I was confident, fun and social (to a point) I have changed quite a lot in order to cope with parenthood. I no longer see friends often and when i do I just feel loss at what my life was like and how it is now. And I am almost embarrassed by who I have become.

However, having another child was a joint decision and we feel it will benefit us giving us a normal parenting experience and also company and a focus for our daughter. It also gives us peace of mind that in the future when we are gone there is someone else that can oversee her care to a point as she will never live independently.

So after a CVS 2 week.s ago to check for genetic abnormalities and the panic of risk of miscarriage from that I have been reassured by geneticist that all is fine. I expected to feel ecstatic and feel like shouting it from the roof tops.

But I don't. I feel awful and sad.

I have not slept through the night for a few weeks, I thought this was due to CVS stress but it's not improved. I wake up about 2 am and sob. I feel wretched. I am tired through the day, snappy and short tempered with my partner and daugter. My partner works away most of the week so I am alone a lot.

I am now petrified that I will not cope when new baby is born and I will end up seriously depressed. I am scared my ability to care for my daughter is impaired and I will damage her. I have put so much effort into my daughter and had to fight so hard to get the input she needs and practising her physio and everything I feel I haven't got it in me to do it again and I have made a huge mistake. She knows I am upset and can see I have been crying and I know that's wrong. I don't know how to get a grip. Really doubting I should have got pregnant.

I have no family around and the support I have is all focused on my daughters medical condition. I don't feel as though I really have anything to feel down about as I know poeple in worse positions.

My partner is in a new job, away a lot and is stressed with that, he says he has seen me like this before and it's a phase I will snap out of but I don't think that's quite right.

I am going to see a GP today to tell them and ask for advice. I don't know if they can help. Do I have depression? Is this just hormones? Doesn't everyone stress a bit when pregnant?

Any advice? Special needs mums?

Gosh I think I could of wrote this myself my son is 2 and a half and we spent 7 months in intensive care with him he's has a life limiting genetic condition diagnoised after birth, I don't really see anyone anymore I'm not the person I used to be but I of course love him dearly but he's changed my life alot.

We to decided to have another child and had a CVS at 11 weeks which was negative and the baby is free from the condition.

Of course I was happy but felt a great element of sadness for my son, 16 weeks into the pregnancy I started suffering very badly with anxiety which I let spiral out of control before I told anyone and was having very intrusive thoughts etc. I eneded up under prenatal psyctrist mental health team and on medication. Which I'm still on now I'm now 36 weeks pregnant but feeling alot better than I did.

Defiantly go to gp I think hormones do play a part as I also had postnatal depression after my son was born having never suffered before in my life.

You've been through alot just and sometimes it just all comes on top xx

Hi gingeete

Wow. Firstly, I am in awe of you. I’m also expecting my 2nd and daunted enough, and my 1st has no special needs whatsoever! It sounds like you have a lot on your plate and a complicated family life with a complicated set of circumstances and considerations that you’re constantly having to balance. So firstly, give yourself a break. You expected to feel ecstatic about your pregnancy, but you don’t, and it’s OK to feel that way. You, more than anyone know, that parenthood isn’t all frilly outfits and baby showers. This is a big step for you and your family, and it’s OK to have mixed, or at least complicated, feelings.

That said, I think you’re completely right to go to the GP and talk about the possibility of you having depression. But my experience of depression tells me that the best thing you can do for yourself is stop beating yourself up about the way you feel.

And as for this…
“I don't feel as though I really have anything to feel down about as I know poeple in worse positions.”
…stop it stop it stop it! You’re allowed to feel down. Yes, do something about it – but stop guilt-tripping yourself. I’m afraid I don’t know what you need to do from here, or what the GP will suggest – and I’m hoping you get some good advice from other special needs mums rather than a know-nothing like me! - but I would say step number one is to give yourself a break. xx

Antenatal depression is very common but unlike pnd its not really discussed. Youre in a harder situation than most and i think from what youve said you do, rather unsurprisingly, have depression. Definitely ask for help, they can refer you for counselling, and can if necessary use antidepressant medications in pregnancy. Also discuss with your health visitor, as they may be able to get your daughter some respite care, so you get a bit of a break.

Thanks for responses. I did go and see the G.P. I explained my situation and she took my BP and said I need to try and rest as much as possible. She said I need to get some support and someone to talk to, I reiterated that I have no family here and though I have friends where isn't anyone I feel I could trust with these feelings. She said it's probably hormones and I will probably feel better next week. She also said she didn't feel like playing with her oldest child when she was pregnant with her 2 nd as she felt tired too. At least she made me laugh!!
I am seeing midwife on Monday so I think I will try them for advice and support. I think they may be a bit more switched onto PND and Ante natal depression if that's what this is??
Has anyone else been through this and received support from GP or midwives.
Thanks

Yes I received lots of support specialist midwife, prenatal psyctrist etc you'd be surprised how common it is and there is help available xx