How to help DD get used to idea of a sibling

[KeepSmiling83]

Hi

I have one DD who was 3 in July and we are expecting #2 in March. We told her this morning and she seemed fine. Asked how long it would take and then wanted her breakfast! But in the past she has said things like another baby would steal mummy and daddy away from her and she doesn't want that.

Any ideas what we can do over the next few months to help her adjust? Are we better just not mentioning it unless she does or talk about the baby? I don't want her to worry or feel like she will be loved any less and just want her to be happy! I'm an only child so have no experience of siblings and my mum obviously hasn't been able to give me any tips either.

Any advice appreciated!

We read This book and this book to DD1.

She also came to all my antenatal appointments (not deliberately but no other childcare). The midwife was lovely and got DD1 to hand her equipment, listen to the baby's heartbeat and guess if it would be a boy or a girl.

We didn't labour (ha ha) the point but when we did talk about the baby we described it as your brother or sister so she felt included. I did get her to choose the 1st outfit for the baby but she said "you do it and I'll watch"

When she visited us in the hospital we had a present for her from the baby which she can still remember now.

We have also bought 'There's a House inside my Mummy' and 'I'm a big brother' for our DS, number 2 due anytime now.

I've tried to make sure I have loads of cuddles with DS and the baby in my tummy, talking to the baby, encouraging him to talk to it. He loves blowing raspberries on my belly and seeing if this makes the baby move.

We've talked about the fact that he is going to be a big brother, does he think it's going to be a boy or girl, what do babies do (cry and have milk!!), why babies cry and can't walk or talk or play yet. Got a present for him from the baby packed in my hospital bag.

Hopefully he is understanding a little bit more now, over the past few weeks we've also explained that the baby will come out of mummy and come to live with us - don't think he understands that one just yet!

I wouldn't bring it up till February now. Not formally anyway. It's such a long time away for her.

I got my dd (who was three at the time) a pram and a doll with nappies (baby Stella) just before dd2 was born. But mostly I just got her involved after dd2 was born. Helping out with nappies, singing songs, getting dd2 a toy etc.

The best tip I had and used was that when the baby is here and you are all at home, always answer the door to visitors with your older DC. This way, the visitors will speak to your older DC first rather than make a beeline for the baby and making the older child feel pushed aside.

We've been reading Spot' Little Sister.

Thanks for all the advice.

I haven't really mentioned it since as I don't want to push it on her. I'm going to get a couple of books when I'm a bit further along and will buy a present etc.

I was just unsure how much I should be talking about it. I don't want her to be sick of hearing about the baby before its even here! My biggest fear is how DD is going to cope so I really want to get it right!

This is but natural, because a new family member implies to your older child that he/she will no longer be the centre of attention for his/her parents. Acknowledge your child's reaction. Do not disregard your child's feelings. Arrival of a new baby can be an emotional upheaval in your child's life, especially if she is under five, so do not panic if he expresses a negative attitude towards your pregnancy.
Make it a point to involve your kid whenever you are preparing for your baby. This will make them feel special and important. In her mind, you’ll be doing something together as opposed to feeling as though you’ve left her to care for her new sibling. Ask their opinion when you choose items like clothes, crib, and even baby names for that matter! Ask them to help out when you pack your hospital bag.
Include your child in your doctor’s visits (if you are comfortable) so that she can hear the baby’s heartbeat. Once the baby starts kicking, let your child feel his new brother or sister moving around. Talk to her about the way her little brother or sister is already trying to play with her. This may encourage the bonding process between your older child and your unborn baby, and may increase her excitement over the baby’s actual entrance into the world.