Stressed - 4 Weeks to go, partner out all night again

[Festivalqueen1]

Im 36 weeks pregnant. Partner has gone on a stag do but said he wouldnt be out late. Its gone 2am and he's not back. Not concerned for his safety. The problem is that I cant sleep without him. He knows that as we had the same argument when I waited up until 4:30 am for him at 30 weeks pregnant. Im also concerned that at 36 weeks if I go into labour im on my own plus have a 3 year old at home. His attitude is dismissive and frankly I feel disrespected and stressed. Am I right to? Or am I, as he accuses, being hormonal? I have never questioned his activities when not pregnant and to be fair he doesn't go out much. I'll be tired tomorrow :0(

So sorry you're going through that OP-an ex boyfriend of mine used to do that all the time and I found it incredibly stressful as I could never sleep either (and I wasn't even pregnant!) I think it's really unkind and disrespectful for him to treat you this way when you're so far along; I only hope he is very apologetic in the morning xxx

I think he's a twat tbh. How is he going to take you to the hospital if he's drunk btw? At 36 weeks I would be worried I'm about to pop anytime soon. Would he still behave like this when you reach full term?

He wont be. He'll be defensive and rude. Ot would actually be easier to cope with of he was sorry but he doesn't think it's wrong. If I didnt have a child I'd just go off and not tell him where, give him a taste of his own medicine. But I cant, obviously.

Get to bed, put the telly/radio on low and drift off. I bet you're knackered.

It's unkind to leave you in the lurch but he was probably just trying to keep the peace y'know.

Twolittleterrors yes I agree. This is exactly my concern. The plan is that he takes me to hospital and my dad comes to look after my son. This cant happen if he is off his face somewhere. I just wish I could calm down and sleep but im so cross!

Agrestic keep the peace? What do you mean?

I was quite happy for my DH to go out at 36 weeks (but he doesn't drive) provided he stuck EXACTLY to timings which had been shared with me and my mum (the driver/other birth partner). Common sense really.
He's just being an idiot and you've every right to be annoyed.

Although being unable to sleep at all without him there - sounds like a anxiety symptom (I have anxiety and this can be a sign of a flare up). Does his behaviour generally make you anxious - at other times too? Does he realise?

In general terms YABU as if he has a night out with friends (especially for a more important occasion such as a Stag) uts unfair to expect him home early due to the fact that you cant sleep without him there -that is your issue, not his, and id be mighty pissed off if DH tried to get me home early from a night out just because he couldnt sleep.

However (and its a big one) you are nearly full term with this pregnancy and he absoloutley could miss the birth of his child and / or not remember it due to beingtl totally mortal.

I think a frank discussion about what you need from.him in these next few weeks is needed, once he is past his hangover. A few weeks of shandies or taking it easier is a small sacrifice overall.

My Husband was exactly the same during my first pregnancy. Out all night, stag do's etc. I could never sleep without him and felt so ugly and insecure it was a tough time, when he went out I was up all night and was so tired and emotional.

I tried to speak to him a million times but he was so immature. MY life shouldn't stop because YOURE pregnant, I can't stop living, I want to have fun. It was one of the saddest times for me.

With our second baby he had grown up a lot and was much more responsible and there for me.
He did go out one night and had no phone reception while I was 38 weeks, I was so angry I text him my water had broken. AN HOUR later I got a panicked phone call... I was so angry it was AN HOUR later I didn't answer. He phoned and phoned and ran back home. I was happily sat in bed eating ice cream when he got back, he was livid. He kept saying YOUR WATER HASNT BROKEN. I was so calm I kept repeating " it could have". He was so scared it took over the anger he has against me and he didn't do it again.

Its very hard to reason with men at this stage because its a mixture of them being immature and not ready( once the baby come they do rise to the occasion) and also they are scared. If your mum lives near by, if he next goes out, just pack your bags and leave. Obviously dont break up, just scare him. He is acting like a baby, treat him like one.

Sorry this is happening to you, Ive been there and it really sucked. Your baby is nearly here and the moments of happiness you will experience with it will erase the downs of pregnancy. Also my husband and I are really happy, pregnancy is just very tough on a relationship x x x

Bless you! I've felt exactly like you many a time. I am going through it again now pregnant with DC2 and early days so not so worried yet.

With DD1 I let my DH go / stay out but later on after maybe 37 wks I set a limit on drinking 3 pints no more in case I went into labour. He said he stuck to it (unlikely) but he never came home that drunk at the end and I appreciated it. I also find it hard to sleep when he's not home BUT he know often has to stay out late due to work and for example this eve will not be home until 2am. Now if it were a night out i would lie here worrying / annoyed probably but because he will be sober, driving and working I'll sleep fine. When this started I realised quite quickly it was me that had the problem not sleeping because in fact he wasn't doing anything wrong going out the odd time with friends. I still don't like it but I realised sometimes I was overreacting because his behaviour is generally considerate.

What I would do in your situation is probably book a spa day in / massage the next time (if there is one) or even next weekend and just get up and go. Leave him with your other DC and have some time to yourself. Also perhaps lay some 'rules' of not drinking much just in case baby comes and making sure you get looked after / time to yourself the next day.

I found one of the hardest things in my first pregnancy was letting go of being independent me, if DH was out I would ALWAYS arrange to be out with friends but when pregnant that chance lessens and you feel kind of restricted. Once the baby arrives tho you can leave him alone to look after it and go on a girls night out / away and give him a taste of always being responsible!!

My OH has grown up a fair bit, our friends mostly have kids now but my reactions and behaviour have also changed because I realised I was only causing anger and stress for myself and it wasn't really worth it!

How has he been today?