So how do you actually make friends at preg classes?

[pippinleaf]

I go to pregnancy aqua fit and preg Pilates with my main aim being to make local friends hoping that we can meet up while on maternity leave etc. all my friends have long since had babies and I don't want a year at home on my tod.

I have tried hard to step outside of my comfort zone and be friendly when normally I'm quite shy. I've managed to remember people's names and details about them to ask about next time and I've been quite proud of my efforts.

Two things bother me a bit - I don't seem to be getting any of my efforts reciprocated and how do you turn a friendly chat in the pool to 'let's meet for coffee' or something?

Conversations go typically like this:
Me: hi emily, good to see you again.

Them: uh I, I've forgotten your name.
Me: it's pippin. You had your 20 week scan this week didn't you? How did it go?
Them: oh great, thanks, we saw the etc etc etc
Me: did you find out the sex?
Them: no, we decided to wait, my mum wanted me to ... Etc etc
Me: I had mine this week too.
Them: uh huh.

Where am I going wrong? These women seem nice, they haven't formed a clique that I can see. Maybe they are just wanting to exercise and have no interest in being friendly which is fine too, it's just if they don't want to make friends - where do I go to find people who do?

I'm signed up for nct in January but that's a long time away and I'd like to meet a few folk before then.

I've tried looking at the mums net in my country but there is literally nothing going in. I also looked at netmums with similar results. It's a rural county which I guess explains lack of online life.

Help!

IME the NCT teacher will get you all organised. Our one started with being given a sheet with everyones name, phone number and e-mail address on it.

During one class the dads got sent to the pub together so the mums had a chance to talk on their own. And IIRC the teacher encouraged everyone to meet up before their babies were born, although mine popped out 12 hours after the last class so I missed a couple of those .

The teacher also organised a meet up approx 6 weeks after the last baby was born. Then we carried on meeting up every week during mat leave and the next couple of years. 8yrs on and we still meet during school hols (2 families have moved away though). At this rate we'll be meeting at the pub when all the kids turn 18 .

I went to pregnancy Pilates but didn't make friends there. I did with NCT as that seems to be the primary goal for those attending (I felt the content could have easily been picked up from books with less of an agenda involved). It may be that you aren't at the right class to be making friends.

Yup. NCT is the right place to be. In my experience it doesn't really happen during pregnancy but picks up a lot after the birth. Hang in there and don't worry. Sounds like you are doing the right things!

You'll make friends at nct I'm sure. Also you'll make friends when you start baby groups once baby arrives- I made some lovely friebds at baby sensory and baby massage classes

Yes to NCT here too - and if i'm honest, the meeting up regularly didnt really start until the babies were 4 weeks old (we were all working full time before mat leave, then too knackered in the very early newborn weeks).

I'm still brilliant friends with all girls from my NCT group (5 couples in total) and between us we have 12 kids ranging in age from 2 to 7 years old.

I also have some great mum-friends from baby sensory classes, plus (and I know its a long way off yet) your social circle gets even wider when your baby starts school!!

During pregnancy I was v busy at work and wasn't really looking to make friends so would probably have been polite but not been that interested in meeting new people. I didn't do nct but went to lots of baby groups after dd was born and made lots of friends/ it's easy because you have a ready made topic of conversation and lots of time on your hands to go for coffee etc.

Yes to making friends at NCT classes.

How about getting to class early for a chat and just outright suggest a coffee afterwards at that class or the next one. Just be upfront and say,

"There is so much to take in with the impending motherhood isn't it, would be good to have some others in the same boat to share it with, does anyone fancy a coffee to share aches and pains as well as excitement and pre planning notes"

Might be easier at yoga rather than at the pool, but maybe catch them whilst paying at reception and walking to the changing rooms.

Good luck.

Getting email addresses is good.

As mentioned above, I also didn't meet up with anyone until after baby was born. Took myself off to a baby group after emailing the other mums from my ante-natal class and arranging to meet them there. We've been friends ever since - 6 years on

They might set up a FB group at your nct class they did at my antenatal one. There was a little gap of a few week between the nct group ending and our due dates so given that everyone was on mat leave by that point I organised a couple of coffee mornings through FB.

I'm quite outgoing but have found my problem is we all have babies at slightly different times! So the people I know from clubs etc are either now in the newborn phase (I'm STILL baking) or won't be baked for a few months so we fall out if touch.

I am planning to attend NCT baby clubs whether I need breastfeeding support or not... think once I meet people with babies of similar age, it might be easier.

I'm also going to email friends who have had their babies after I've had mine to "catch up".

NCT is definitely the way to go. We met up once or twice before the babies were born but then really became friends afterwards. 10 months in now and we still meet up 2-3 times a week.

I feel like I just don't really have time right now to meet up with new people while still working full time - but know I'll be desperate to once on maternity leave! Hoping NCT will work for this. Also something I thought of when at my pregnancy pilates class on monday is that classes like this (rather than NCT) will also have second, third, fourth-time around mums who won't necessarily have the same need for forming new friendships that us first timers do. I didn't quite have the guts to say more than a passing hi to people at this class, but it was a bit awkward as I was joining halfway through the course.
(you're not in Woking are you?)

I don't think you can force it (not saying you are!). The best friendships come when you're not expecting them. Ive been to pregnancy classes before and not made any friends whereas at one yoga class I did make a friend but only because we clicked and hit it off and one of us mentioned staying back for a coffee the following week and a friendship went from there.

The main friends ive made is post baby through nct, baby groups and also through getting chatting whilst standing pushing a swing in the park when DD was a bit older. If you hit it off with someone and the conversation sways towards what do you do with your time? Are you new to the area? etc etc then you get a feeling as to whether the other person might want to meet up again. For me, its always the feeling of the conversation and the vibes from the other person as to whether I put myself out there and ask if they want to swap numbers. If they are at arms length with me I usually get it right away and leave it alone.

My advice is just don't worry about it. Friendships happen when you're not expecting them. If you try to force something by over thinking it and worrying about it, it wont happen. Just let it be, it will all fall into place naturally.

I agree that NCT will help. The leader of our course has sent round group e-mails (obviously with everyone's permission) and so we've found each other on Facebook and are e-mailing, etc.

Oddly enough though some of the ladies at the Aquanatal Class I go to have suggested we go out for food after a class one week. So it possibly depends on the group. We're all at different stages as well.

I didn't find that Pilates or aquanatal made that final leap.
I did make friends at NCT antenatal and also at NCT bumps and babes after the baby was born.

No one at my antenatal group bonded during or after. And so far no one at the school gate is giving us the time of day... possibly because we're foreign? Certainly not because we don't smile or seem unaproachable

I did pregnancy yoga and didn't make any friends, in fact I kind of experienced what you did.
I did NCT though and we now see each other very regularly. Most weeks in fact!

I also made other friends through baby massage class and baby sensory.
I'd not worry, it will happen when everyone stops working and starts panicking about the baby coming/what this twinge is etc and needs to talk to other people in the same situation!!

I found post natal groups much better for making friends but I never bothered with nct. Baby groups are good and even a toddler group. I went back to one I've been to with all my children yesterday with my youngest who is one. There was a lady there with her first who was three weeks old she was obviously there purely for the social side and to make friends everyone was really friendly and chatty to her and offering to hold the baby so she could have a coffee in peace also she made beeline for me I'm 36 weeks pregnant because our babies will be a similar age so I would recommend getting your name down ASAP as a lot of groups near me have a long waiting list :)

I think it probably depends on the instructor and how much they encourage chit chat. The yoga class I'm planning to start seems to have a very active FB page, post exercise socialising time built in etc.

Toddler groups/ baby groups are brilliant, you have to keep at it and will find someone who has things in comomn with you, shared dislikes usually! x

Thanks folks. It's seems like I'm 'too soon' to make friends.
I thought it would be nice to share the lead up to birth

NCT will start you off, then local classes as you go along!

The conversations you've described sound exactly like my experience before and after I'd had the baby when I tried to make 'mummy friends' that everyone raves about.
I'd ask questions, they'd respond and that would be that. It was like some people had no idea how to actually have a conversation.

I was just really lucky at yoga, I got chatting to someone and then she asked for my number and whether I'd like to have lunch. I was honestly thrilled (sad I know) and I wouldn't have been brave enough to ask her. Could you try just asking someone for a coffee or something?

This thread has been interesting to read. I'm new to my area and expecting my first in feb and worried about not knowing anyone. I've been on the fence about doing an NCT course in jan but now from what I've read you folk seem to give it the thumbs up really good to know. Thanks X btw if anyone is in Oxfordshire give me a shout!