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Original poster

Breastfeeding in public...is it really frowned open? :(

69 replies

Cherryblossom200 · 18/09/2014 11:59

Hi everyone,

I'm a new mummy to be, I'm nearly 5 months now and I really want to breastfeed my little girl when she is born. But I keep reading bad press about the public image of breast feeding mums. I plan on being discreet and get a pretty wrap or something to drap over her and just sit quietly in the corner of a cafe etc. I just wondered if this was acceptable? Personally I don't really get the pulling your boobs out in public without much covering you, even I get a bit embarrassed! But each to their own

But in general if you cover up do people still stare or ask you to leave the premises?

Many thanks

Cherry xx

OP posts:

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HalleLouja · 18/09/2014 12:33

I never really bought any special clothes just loose tops the baby toddler could go under. With DC1 I used to use a muslin to cover but ditched that by DC2....

No one gave me any grief in my total three years of feeding. I might have got a few thumbs up but most people don't notice.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 18/09/2014 12:33

I BF DD2 in public until she was 18months old (and at bedtime and some mornings for years after that).

No one ever said a word, no one stared, no one cared! Once a nice lady behind the till in Tesco asked if she could get me anything. That's it.

I was never very blatant or very discreet.

Honestly OP it isn't worth a moments thought. Babies need to eat just like their mums and that's all there is to it.

Souper · 18/09/2014 12:43

Not frowned upon at all, OP. I have BF my two children in public anywhere and everywhere they have needed to eat. Middle of a shopping mall, Michelin starred restaurants, Buckingham Palace, church... You name the place, I have probably fed there. I have never ever had a negative comment from anyone. I fed my eldest until he was 2.2 and still never had any negativity. I honestly think that most people don't even realise what you are doing. Use a scarf or whatever draped over you if it makes you feel better but I think those 'hooter hider' things draw attention to you more!

isambardo · 18/09/2014 14:48

During the first few weeks as you get used to breastfeeding, you will probably need to get your whole boob out as you learn to position your baby and yourself properly. Early on I stayed at home or with family where I felt comfortable being quite exposed. It doesn't take too long to get used to breastfeeding, then it's pretty easy to be discreet.

I wore the obligatory vest + top combo and never felt too exposed when bf in public. (The vest is also good as apart from boob exposure, it also keeps the slightly jiggly belly hidden!) I fed ds for 18 months and never received comments or raised eyebrows from others.

Btw, I never tried to be discreet to please other people or avoid comments. You should breastfeed however you want/need in public as you would anywhere else.

NickyEds · 18/09/2014 15:15

Not at all frowned upon- in fact if someone is asked to leave a shop/cafe etc it makes the news. You personally may feel more comfortable at home/friends houses/baby groups at first though.

DinoSnores · 18/09/2014 15:19

I BF DS until he was 16mo (and I was 3 months pregnant and doing lots of vomiting and just couldn't face it!), then BF DD until she was 15mo (and stopped because I had hyperemesis again and just couldn't face it!), and plan to BF the current bump (38+4 with this one).

The ONLY not-positive comment (because it really wasn't that negative, just irritating) I've had about BFing in public came from my own mother when DS was about 4 weeks old in the John Lewis cafe when she said, "Shouldn't you put a muslin over his head?" No, I don't like to eat until a blanket and neither should he!

Otherwise, I just don't think people notice or care that much. If they do notice, I've had smiles at my babies. I've fed in front of my lovely FIL plenty and the number of times he's asked for a cuddle with the baby and gone to take them because he just hasn't noticed that I'm BFing!

I've fed on the ground outside a stately home during a fire alarm, during a smear test, in church most Sundays, while wandering around after DS at toddler group, all sorts of places.

TheOriginalWinkly · 18/09/2014 15:27

I think I might have clocked a few relieved expressions on the London underground when DD stopped crying and started feeding. That's as close as I've come to people even acknowledging something was happening :) If you get a decent sling/carrier it helps. I was able to feed 10 week old DD walking round the zoo the other day, nobody even noticed (and I have massive boobs)

DinoSnores · 18/09/2014 15:33

I did feed DD at Brownie camp when she was about 4mo. BFing there turned into a total spectator sport! "What is she doing, Brown Owl?"

CultureSucksDownWords · 18/09/2014 15:37

I fed my DS for 16 months and never had any negative comments, only lovely comments or smiles. I never covered up either or tried to be discreet, just did the two tops thing and had a muslin handy for unexpected de-latching.

Occasionally I would sit at the back of a cafe etc out of the way, but only because my DS wouldn't have concentrated on feeding otherwise - not to save the embarrassment of passers by.

Justgotosleepnow · 18/09/2014 15:40

Not frowned on at all op!
I've fed wherever I've been with my dd. Only ever had lovely comments. But usually either no one notices or they just ignore you.
West ham tube station platform was the most public place. No one looked twice.

Top up top down is my preferred method for clothes (as long as it's not too hot a day)
The only thing I worry about now is my wobbly tummy being on show

The articles are in the news because the bf person has legal rights to bf, that's all.

couldbeanyone · 18/09/2014 16:15

I fed DD until 10 months (when she decided life was too exciting to bother feeding anymore!) and never once had a funny look or an odd comment, and I never tried to be discreet Or cover up. Pregnant again and determined to be same with new baby! The only person who was weird about it was FIL...you would have thought I was stripping off entirely and pole dancing while feeding, from his reaction every time I started getting ready to feed.

Original poster

Cherryblossom200 · 18/09/2014 16:26

Thanks guys! Really lovely to hear your experiences. I don't feel frightened at all now. I wish the media would stop over-hyping BF because it does scare new mums. TBH we have so many other things to be anxious about we don't really need to be scared away from feeding our babies or feeling ashamed

OP posts:

SpanielFace · 18/09/2014 16:30

Not read the whole thread but I BF DS in public all the time when he was a baby, never bothered with a cover but did wear nursing tops to avoid getting my whole boob out, and never had a negative reaction. I had several positive ones though.

Babetti · 18/09/2014 16:58

I don't think it's frowned on at all - when I notice a breastfeeding mum I think she is a bit of superhero because I know how tough it can be. I felt quite self conscious feeding DS ready made formula when we were out yesterday - BF didn't work for us at all and I've just stopped expressing. Saying that, how often would you think or comment about how a stranger is feeding her baby either FF or BF?! Think we sometimes worry too much about what other people think when other people couldn't care less.

There was a breastfeeding article in The Daily Mail this morning with absolutely hateful comments that really shocked me but it probably says more about that particular newspaper than anything else!

DinoSnores · 18/09/2014 17:05

I think the thing to remember is that most people just don't care (Daily Mail readers aside but they are an odd bunch to start with!).

The woman with the stony face who think is staring at you might well just be staring into middle distance as she tried to remember what she was meant to buy and has forgotten all about!

The old man who tapped me on the shoulder in Starbucks when DS was tiny and BFing was such a challenge so I am sure he got an eyeful actually just wanted to me to keep an eye on his coffee while he went to the loo.

The women glancing over and whispering are as likely to be admiring your baby and chatting about how they want one!

CultureSucksDownWords · 18/09/2014 17:08

I think the "people" that comment on the daily mail articles are doing it to be as offensive and antisocial as possible, for kicks. Don't read any articles on the DM website about breastfeeding or parenting - they always write to provoke outrage, to the point where they aren't even consistent in their viewpoint.

Bolshybookworm · 18/09/2014 17:22

I've breast fed many, many times in public and never had a negative comment. In fact, I've had several sweet old ladies tell me what a good job I'm doing (I live in the north, lovely old ladies abound here). The only awkward moments have been when people wanted to admire the baby and thought they were sleeping rather than feeding!

Unless you've got very big boobs and feel self-conscious, I wouldn't bother with wraps or covers. You might as well fly a big flag over your head saying "IM FEEDING". Loose tops, vests you can pull down etc will give sufficient coverage.

For your first time maybe pick a very mum friendly cafe with some comfy seats and quiet corners as it's a little nerve-wracking first time. Once you've done it a few times you won't bat an eyelid though even when they pull off and your milk hits someone 2 feet away

Good luck!!!

GreenShadow · 18/09/2014 17:28

I spent 6 years breastfeeding everywhere and anywhere and never had a single comment made about it. I just got on and did it and most of the time I doubt people even noticed.
I never went along the shawl/extra layer thing, but just wore large t-shirts and he feed underneath.

ILoveTurnips · 18/09/2014 17:33

My DC x 4 are adults now and I fed them while I was out and about. I never once had a bad reaction. I wasn't flashing my boobs about or making a big fuss about it though. I fed in fancy restaurants, on planes, in cafes, in shopping centres, everywhere really.

I once saw a woman who was breastfeeding in a weirdly 'showy' and loud way (she was talking to the baby about the baby wanting its milk) - it was as though she was making a point about breastfeeding and was wanting people to look and disapprove. Of course she has a right to feed however she wants but I was a bit about it.

ILoveTurnips · 18/09/2014 17:37

Lol, I hope it's clear that I fed my DCs when they were little

minipie · 18/09/2014 17:41

I'm in London too, BF in public a fair bit and never had a disapproving look or comment.

As regards ideas for covering up - I agree with Bolshy that faffing around with a cover/scarf etc is more likely to draw attention than just lifting up your top. If you want to be subtle then the main thing is to choose a seat which faces away from most people.

DanyStormborn · 18/09/2014 19:41

This thread is great :) I'm planning to breastfeed and want to be an,e to breastfeed in public without feeling self-consious and this has made me feel much better. I do remember 20 years ago my mum bf my brother everywhere and anywhere and nobody ever commented. But I was worried as I have much much bigger boobs than her that it would be more obvious for me!

ColdTeaAgain · 18/09/2014 20:05

Yes to practicing in front of a mirror. Helps you see what others see and you realise how little that actually is

I found trying to cover up with a scarf got us both in a bit of flap and it usually ended with me showing more and not less, soon gave up bothering with that

redexpat · 18/09/2014 20:12

Here is a link to your BFing rights. Honestly once you get the hang of it most people walk on by without realising.

LittlePeasMummy1 · 18/09/2014 20:19

I breast fed for 16 months and somehow never quite got the hang of doing it discreetly, I think everyone in the NE has seen my knockers, and I never encountered any negativity. The only person who ever appeared embarrassed about it was my mum.

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